So it's like really bright right here but I have to sit in the Sun because
it's so cold like I literally have so many layers on, but it's freezing! So
gotta be in the sunlight. So my bad if this is kind of hard to like see and
it's also windy. So I mean we're just- we're just gonna go with it cuz that's
the situation. But one thing that I kinda just wanted to talk about is something
that's just kind of changed over the years of me living in vehicles, which is
totally normal, but I feel like- okay so one of the first
videos that I ever made was talking about like the hardest parts of living
in a car. And it was like- I was referencing like the very beginning, like
when I had first moved into a car "what was like the hardest thing for me" and
granted there was you know, a lot of things like logistics wise I just- I
had no idea what I was doing so it was kind of a really hectic time period. But
despite all of that, the hardest part for me was- it was kind of an emotional thing.
It's just kind of like the- the feelings that came with it. The hardest part for
me in the very very beginning was having to kind of accept my situation I guess.
Because I did move into a car because I wanted to. Like I chose to do it, I didn't
have to, but it was- it was like an experiment. And also at that time
I was stationary. Like I was living in one city, I still had a nine-to-five, but
I was just living in my Mitsubishi Lancer in the same city all the time. The
travel hadn't really manifested itself yet as part of my like lifestyle I guess.
So then, because that was like my circumstance, what I found to be the most
difficult was kind of telling people I guess like when they asked me where I
lived or if they wanted to come over to my house or if they wanted to pick me up
from my house ... things like that. It was just really hard for me to fully accept
like "I live in my car and that's okay." And I can tell people that I live in my
car and not be embarrassed about it or ashamed of it or feel weird or you know,
worry about, obviously on their end, what's gonna go through their head even
if they don't say anything. So just kind of like overcoming that initial obstacle
of like other people's opinions and judgments. And even my own you know, even
my own preconceived opinions about what kind of people live in vehicles you feel?
It was kind of like... I'm a totally normal person, I'm not like dirty and smelly, I
have a job, I I'm going to school ...like I am - if you didn't know that I lived in my
car like you wouldn't know that I lived in my car. But anyways, that was the
hardest part in the beginning. So fast forward a couple years later, I was kind
of like you know revisiting the subject, like "what is the hardest part?" And it's
still you know, it's still... it's not the logistics at all, which is reasonably
what you might think you know, like at first glance. Because it is like
sometimes it's really hard to find parking and sometimes it's really hard
to figure out like- everything's a little bit more work like washing dishes, taking
showers, just everything. Anyways, although all of that stuff at times can be
difficult I still think that the hardest thing is really it comes down to like
it's just it's tough on the heart. And what I mean by that is like so for
example, not that long ago I was in- I managed to- one of my best ...how am I going
to tell you this? I'm like really jumbled. So one of my best friends, she
also kind of lives like a traveling lifestyle. A little bit different, but she-
very similar. Anyways, and I hadn't seen her in man... I really don't know how long.
Like we keep in touch definitely, but I just hadn't physically seen her or gotten
to spend time with her in what felt like forever and it's been at least a year
maybe two? And when I do see her sometimes it's so like just like in
passing, but for the longest time we just hadn't been in the same place at the
same time or our routes like just didn't line up.
And so finally we were gonna be in Colorado at the same time. So I was like
"Yes! This is amazing" So we got to meet up and hang out for like four or five days
I think and it was just- it was- it was so good! Like that's the only way I can put
it. It was so good you know, because it's one of those friendships where I could
not see her for 10 years and then the day we see each other it's like nothing
ever happened. It's one of those. So it was just super cool to be able to
finally spend some time with her. And so like 1) it is really awesome to you
know, neither of us are from Colorado... like at all. So the fact that it's just
like that's where we ended up hanging out.. like I do think that's just kind of
like one of the neat aspects of a traveling- traveling lifestyle or like a
mobile lifestyle. And at the same time though it's just this weird, this weird
feeling because you like- I met up with her- and this isn't just with her, it's like
anytime that this happens with friends or family and stuff like that- even like
new people that I meet. You're hanging out with someone right? And then you know
that you've got limited time. And so it's kind of sad, but it's kind of beautiful
all at the same time because it's like you really- at least for me, I've learned
how to just really appreciate the time that I do have with people because I
never know when I'm gonna see them again. Like and that sounds kind of scary you
know? It's like but you really just don't know. It just kind of comes with the
territory you know, so it is- it is kind of sad, like you're hanging out with
someone and and you know that it's gonna come to an end and then you know that
you could potentially never see them again... it could be years, it could be... and
you don't know where. It's just this really weird feeling of living like
in that state constantly because I mean when you live in one place it's kind of
the same thing. I mean you never know what could happen, like you could see
someone one day and then again, you never know and they could not be there the
next day. But I feel like when you're doing the
whole like I'm here and then I'm there and then I'm over there and then this
person is there and there and there you know, it's just it's really it gets
really crazy and it makes that feeling of like "wow I don't know when I'm gonna
see this person again, if ever." like it just it magnifies that feeling and it
like I said, it helps in the sense that I've learned that because I don't know
when I'm gonna see the person next... to just fully live in the moment and enjoy
all of the time that I have with this person and really appreciate the person,
but it is it's just you're constantly kind of living in this state of having-
knowing that you're gonna have to say goodbye to all of these people that you
really love and that...that really does, it it breaks my heart a
little bit every single time. And it's it's just such a weird feeling to
explain cuz like I on one end you're like so happy that you got to see
whoever... sorry I'm kind of like wooo this is I'm telling you I get emotional over
this. Anyway, so on one end you're like so happy that you got to see whoever it is
that you get to see, but then on the other end it's like sad because you have to
say goodbye to this person, but then it's also like really exciting because I
constantly have this realization of like you know, this is- this is life! Like this
is my life, this is your life, like this is so cool that you know we get to meet
up in random states all the time. Like you know, you- you meet someone
for the first time in California and then three years go by and somehow
you're both in Montana at the same time and you get to see each other again,
camp together again, like hangout like have dinner or something like that. And
it's just like it's crazy, but it's so cool it's like I don't know. To me it's
like one of the most fascinating aspects of living like a mobile lifestyle and
constantly being like on the go. And then it's like although I do get sad that I'm
going to have to say goodbye to somebody that means a lot to me, I'm still... at the
same time really excited for like where I'm gonna go next and what the next
adventure is and everything. And then the hard part too is that it's not like any
of us are forced necessarily to be in one place or the other. So it's like
"technically" I guess if we really wanted to... like we could just you know, I
don't know, like hang out longer? But there's also this like weird- like at
least for me how it works and and people that I've met along the way, for instance
like my best friend and other friends that I have that kind of do the same
stuff, is like you develop your own kind of routine as far as traveling. Like how
long you like to stay in one place and based on your hobbies and your
preferences of what you like to see. Then that dictates like by season where you
go, and what you're doing, what the weather is like... so although there's not
like a- not necessarily a driving force in the sense of like a physical, like you
know, it's not like a job that's forcing you like "you have to be here December
first or else!" you know what I'm saying, it's not like that. But there are definitely
other things that are important to you that kind of drive your travel itinerary
so to speak. So it's I don't know that kind of like adds another layer onto it
because it's like I feel like I talk to myself.... I talk to myself a lot, but I talk
to myself and I'm talking about how you know, it's just- it's really painful you
know, I see my mom and and I love spending time with my mom and my family
and hanging out with them and everything, but then it's like it's so easy
"technically" to like see them, and hang out with them, and keep hanging out with them.
Like it's like if I- if I don't want to leave them, then technically I don't have
to. And it's like I never actually do want to leave them, but like I just- the
the world is so big and I have to- I have to go, I just have to go and it's... I don't
know it's such a weird feeling to explain this like idea of like feeling
like like you have places to be, but you kind of don't, but you kind of do and
there's all these people that you love that are in a bunch of different places
and you're just constantly living in this vicinity of like loving them so
much when they're in front of you because you know that they're not always
going to be in front of you. And then in that same place the fact that you know
you're gonna have to say goodbye to them at some point. And then that time comes
and it is it's heartbreaking every time like every time whether it's friends or
family it doesn't matter, it's so sad... like I don't know. like I literally just
saw my friend in Colorado that's probably why I'm feeling it like super
hardcore cuz she's she's really really important to me. Not to say that like
other people aren't, but like low key she's pretty important. And I had to say
goodbye to her, but then you know, it's like at the same time now I'm
somewhere else and I'm waiting on other friends to meet me up here and so then
I'm gonna get to see them, which again it's super exciting, but I'm still like
sad that I had to say goodbye to her and I'm not sure when I'm gonna see her
again, but I'm really excited to be in a new
place and I'm really excited to meet up other friends. And then the
cycle just kind of continues because I know that I'm gonna meet them up, I'm
gonna have a great time, I'm gonna enjoy every moment that I have with them, but
then after some time goes by I'm gonna have to say goodbye to them too. And it's
just gonna be this like continual process. So it's like I don't know, it
almost sounds like "why in the world would you do this to yourself?" type of
thing... this is probably just one of my least if not the very least thought-out
videos just because I really had no idea what I was gonna talk to you guys about
other than like I wanted to share that with you. That feeling of like I don't
know... I I think I explained it as best as I possibly could. I think if I like took
some time and like had thought out what I was gonna say it would have come
across better, but I don't know ... I thought it was kind of interesting in a way
because I was doing what I always do and kind of like reflecting and just
thinking about like when I first began living in vehicles the hardest part for
me was being able to be open about my lifestyle and my decision and really
fully accepting this idea of "I live in a car and that's just the way that I want
to live my life and that's fine" it's actually great you know, but what I'm
saying is like coming to terms with that within my own heart and then being able
to be open about it with other people and share the experience. So that
was like the hardest part versus you know, like almost five years later and
the hardest part is still- it's still a heart thing, it's still a feeling thing. I
don't want to sound like I'm complaining, like I'm not trying to complain because
I love the lifestyle that I've created for myself you know, I don't think it's
for everyone and I think that's totally fine, but like I'm really happy you know.
And I think that's what's important, but at the same time I think every
everything comes with pros and cons and negatives and positives and this- you
know for some people they could live in a van and travel constantly and this like
not be an issue for them. I think that would be great, but for me it's just
that's probably the toughest thing. Anyways, so I hope that you guys didn't
take this as me complaining. It was more of just like I wanted to share my
thoughts and I hope that you enjoyed it... if it was enjoyable I don't know maybe
you just found it interesting or whatever but yeah I will see you guys next time.
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