we're highly anticipating the scan tomorrow I want to know what the blood
work is I want to know like how I'm responding if I'm responding like I
want to hear that because I feel like that's the first step and then that kind
of like sets the tone for the rest of the stims and then I go back again on
Sunday so we'll see it just goes really fast she's got like 22 follicles I don't
expect to have that many if the seven I have continue I'll be okay with that
I'll be okay with that
hi thanks for clicking on Simply Tanika I am Tanika if you are new here welcome
hit that subscribe button let's hang out awhile if you are returning welcome
what's that fertility BAM we got to do what lets get those babies ladies hey
Pam how are you today is Thursday November 15th it's crazy I wasn't gonna
vlog today it's like 8 o'clock at night and I debated and then I randomly
watched Phil and Alex Alex and Phil and they did a nighttime vlog and I was like
hey I'm just gonna hop on here because I have a lot on my mind so a couple of
things are happening one it's snowing in New York like not a little bit a lot of
it if you follow me on instagram you saw me out there like I was drenched so
that's happening which I think that's a sign I don't know when I was in school I
had an English look like Community College back home I had an English Lit
teacher Bill riddles Berger who used to say like rain and snow is like
penetrating the earth he always made sexual references which is random
because I knew he had an affair with one of my relatives but that's another story
hopefully he's not alive anymore he was super old back then anyway but the other
penetration so I was thinking like the day that I went in for my scan it was
raining remember like my baseline scan and then it's snowed overnight and so
tomorrow but usually like the snow is all of you you know you've got all the
crops up like even the blueberries and whatnot which are in season right now
you've gotten them up everything is under ground all the work that you've
done is kind of gone underground and I feel like that's what's happening with
my eggs is like all the work you've done they're underground and they are just
waiting for the seasons to change right and so then when spring comes it like
starts going we're speeding it up because of the medication and so spring
is gonna be next week and we'll see how well they grew but I don't know why that
just sort of resonated with me and so yeah that's what I'm going one
I'm making dinner I'm doing regular food as Cheyenne's that I'm doing rosemary
potatoes chicken and the skinny asparagus I don't know if they have like
I've named pencil asparagus I think is what they are I'm doing that she made
fun of me she was like are you doing real potatoes or cauliflower and I was
like no real potatoes are there Road potatoes I'm not doing food restrictions
I was better about my water today I think I got two liters and I would like
to get one more so I was much better today and just gonna do like another
smoothie I think with avocado spinach and like some maca and good fertility
stuff I did workout this morning I got in 30 minutes didn't get in as much as I
wanted I thought today I get to do a long day of exercise like two hours but
I'll do that on Saturday I slept I was tired I told you guys less and I was
tired I went to bed after my shot and I slept probably until I think the first
alarm went off
that's the honking it's there backed up out there I'll show you guys in a second
my personal alarm went off like I think at seven o'clock I didn't actually get
out of bed till 8:00 so and I probably went to bed at 11:30 right after my shot
so I got over eight hours of sleep which is unusual for me but I'm listening to
my body and going with it this is a vessel I've been talking to the babies
I was talking to Genesis earlier where we were texting and he was I told her
you know she was like I see two babies I was like me too
I don't know if they're twins or not because it could just be the two eggs
but I've been talking to them I know their names I have their initials and so
I told her the initials are d DM for both the boy and the girl and she you
know she's crazy she was like I need their initials to be ASAP
and I was like okay we'll work with that but yeah she's getting ready to go on a
cruise so safe travels honey she's already probably back by the time she
this pose but anyway she's out and about and keeping me in good spirits and for
kosha from lifelong commitment the Alexander's have been keeping me in good
spirits so yeah I'm actually not stressed I'm excited now like I don't
know how to explain it um and maybe excitement may not be the
right word I am highly anticipated anticipatory highly anticipating the
scan tomorrow I want to know what the bloodwork is I want to know like how I'm
responding if I'm responding like I'm want to hear that cuz I feel like that's
the first step and then that kind of like sets the tone for the rest of the
stems and then I go back again on Sunday so we'll see I have to get up and do
that and then I'm now I should be on time for my AED CPR training it's the
AED is a defibrillator and then the CPR is I don't know where you resuscitate
which I think is good there's a separate one they do for infants and I'll
probably take another one I took one when Cheyenne was little and but this
one will be like a nice entree back into it if you will I will do that and have
get a certificate in that and then I'll figure out yeah but I'm getting excited
my house is hot mess calm that half of the house is not so bad the table is a
mess and I have a bunch of shredding I want to do I want to get things
organized as I mentioned I'm off next week so I definitely want to get my
bedroom but my closet organized I want to set up a place where I can have the
crib I think I showed you guys occurred before I'm doing like half crammed for
co-sleeping so it will slide up against the bed and basically it just becomes
like an extension on the bed but then it also can slide up against the wall so I
want to have like a little area for that and a little dresser so thinking about
those things talking to the babies and again I don't know if they're coming at
the same time but they're inside of mommy right now and so I'm talking to
them whether they are you know one born and then twelve months later sixteen
months later the second one's born or they're both coming at the same time I
don't know but I know they are both inside of me so I'm talking to them
telling them that I love them and that I'm doing good things to take care of
them and just being connected with my body overall which is nice
I talked to blue earlier he was Gordon play out in the snow and walk around the
park I loved making snow angels I didn't get to do that today because it was
already dark when I got off but hopefully there's still snow and clean
snow on Saturday I want to hang out with him and we can make snow angels I don't
know if I told you guys this when we went to Target I had to get the teething
rings cuz I wanted those for my shots and he kind of rolled his eyes I was
like can't you just use an ice cube and I was like no cuz it's gonna stick to my
skin and anyway we went over there and it was funny because coming out they had
like this little sweater I don't know if it's like a fisherman sweater or it's
some kind of a Shetland sweater I were sweater I don't know anyway they had a
child version and he like stopped and admired it was like oh I have one of
these and as I guess they have cute clothes at Target it was just a cute
moment and I imagined that a baby boy will have one too he's gonna be a sharp
dresser she's gonna be a sharp dresser no matter what so yeah I'm excited
I'm to have the baby here and address the
baby first we can't get the baby on board so I'm really just focused on that
and taking care of myself like I haven't stressed myself when I wanted to sleep I
slept I've been eating really well I've been
exercising so I think we're in good shape
tomorrow I will not get to get up and exercise just because I have to be at
the clinic at 8 o'clock and y'all know I am NOT a morning girl but um I have yoga
tomorrow night and I sent our note that I'm stemming in so I can't do like
anything - bindi at the waist but um like laying and so it's restorative yoga
so she just is gonna pick two poses for us to rest in and she'll modify for me
it's a very small class I know some of you guys asked how come I never take the
camera there's only like 4 of us in the class she does it in her apartment I
can't really film in there and it's kind of like a sacred space like I don't want
to be worried about angles and if it's makes sense to you guys like I just want
to be taken away so that's why I don't ever film in that but anyway I'm going
to do that she'll adjust for me that should be good and then I'm gonna come
home so tonight I'll film the shots tonight I want to talk about that
because someone else had questions about it putting on the ice pack I'll do it
all properly tonight menopur still burned last night someone said to put it
in slower and it wouldn't burn it's still burn it's not crazy it's just
uncomfortable it's not like wow it's just like heat and it's not even heat
like if you bite into a jalapeno that's how you know hotter than you think it's
not even that hot it's just like an a discomfort like a warm liquid stinging
liquid going into your leg so yeah oh and somebody asked me that I did the
unpacking video posted today and someone was asking why is the mini pur in an ice
pack or not in an ice pack menopur is meant to be refrigerated and i
double-check this i went on their website it's meant to be refrigerated or
in a cool dark place but cool dark place temporary I don't have any cool dark
places as a no because it's colder now so the heat is cranking in the apartment
so all of the places dark are not cool if this would have
been earlier in the year um it would have been cooler in here but we're
cranking the heat so I guess in the video it looked like my stuff was not in
an ice chest everything that was in that box was in an ice chest and maybe it's
the way that I edited the video but basically it was an ice chest with a box
on the outside of it and so when I opened the box I just took the lid off
of the ice chest everything in there was a nice I mean even the needle holder the
sterile pads all of that was packed in with ice and so the stuff that was yeah
and it's the rest of it is in the refrigerator the stuff that needed to be
refrigerator isn't the refrigerator so although the Conal F says to inject at
room temperature so I take that one out first and leave it sitting which is why
I inject myself with the menopur first and then the gonal-f
just to give it time to get to room temperature again it's super warm in
here so I'm assuming room temperatures like a normal room and not the hotness
that is my house so yeah that's kind of that on the meds if you guys have any
other questions about the meds let me know down below I'm learning everyday
and my dosage that was another question a question so my dosage is 450 IU of the
gonal-f and then 300 of the menopur so that's why I'm doing two packets of them
in a pure they're 150 each and then 450 so my pins are 900 per pin so I get to
use the pins twice right two times one on one day one on the other to get to
the 900 so that's kind of that with the mags I don't have the instructions yet
on when I use like the doxycycline I still don't have the no.4 I've had a
million conversations with those class today the one pharmacy didn't have it
the second part of C the e script was not going through they wouldn't take it
over the phone they're in Georgia the only other option was a hard copy which
anybody got time for that so we moved it to I called it in and sherry at who was
in charge of like medication prescriptions going out at Columbia said
she would send it to camp Metro which is a New York
fertility pharmacy Metro and the other Z chemist is the one I use she said let's
just send it to both and see if they have it I called Z chemists and they go
through a vendor they ordered and she looked it up in her system and she said
two of the vendors don't have it one of them does I need two of them because I
need to get to ten thousand and the way that no Burrell is packaged it's one
package has five thousand so you need two and those are intramuscular because
I was like I have autotrol but the average ro is subcutaneous so that's the
one shot that's gonna have to go in my butt buttocks through the muscle which
I'm a little scared to do that one so I'm gonna have to look at some videos I
know I've seen you badass ladies do it I just got a I got a look at it I believe
one of those intramuscular shots is what butterfly poet injected herself with
what the blood came out and I'm that's freaking me out but I'm gonna try to aim
for the top and then a lot of you guys had said why don't you go and have blue
do your injections every night no first of all we don't live in the
same residence as you know getting up there and back every night would just be
crazy now it has to be around the same time I'm doing it at 11:30 because that
made sense for my schedule so to trek up there to get a shot and check back to
get a shot at 11:30 and come back home that just doesn't really make sense and
no offense to all the ladies who have happy husbands who are injecting
medicines that would just be nerve-racking for me quite frankly to do
it every night I see the men doing it and they're like kind of shaking and
fumbling especially like the first time my anxiety is too high for me to do that
like I would forget my own what I have control over is myself and that gives me
a little bit of anxiety but not as much it's same thing like even with driving a
car if I'm driving I'm fine if someone else is driving it freaks me out I want
to be the one in control so it's just easier for me to do it like I see some
of these videos in the men their hands are shaking and they're like I just like
no mm not gonna do it I'm not gonna do it and the injection part is not hard
it's the mixing I think that's a little more nerve-wracking as I do it
I get a little more comfortable each time but the the injection some I'm
gonna do those myself let's see if we can come over cuz I said I take you to
the window it's dark out now can you guys see that so those are all the cars
that are backed up which is why I'm sure you've heard the honking oh there's a
lot of light coming in there we go see that they're all I mean it didn't snow a
little bit it's not a lot look at the inches on the top of those cars but that
traffic is bad it's been there since I came home and they're just like hooking
and doing all sorts of tomfoolery but yeah all right no New York so yeah
that's kind of what's going on I am gonna I have the oven on Saul right now
I just looked at myself because I was trying to look at the light no I'm
distracted I have the oven on for the potatoes I'm going to go and get that
started and then I'll see if I can drag Triana and we can have dinner with you
guys and chat up a little bit I'm curious as to her thoughts on this
process and maybe she'll share some of that with you guys as well she's seen me
do the injections or you guys saw that video but yeah I don't know you guys now
it feels like it's going to super fast I thought I was gonna get to be psycho
buddies with someone with June 1 of the famine ected on Instagram but she was
like three days ahead of me and she's already gone in first I can scan like
she they think you should they're tricking her on Sunday and I haven't
even gone in for my second ultrasound so it just goes really fast
she's got like 22 follicles I don't expect to have that many if the seven I
have continue I'll be okay with that I'll be okay with that and you know I
know it goes down so if I have seven and then how many will actually fertilize
then how many will get today three how many will get today five do you guys
know about that because I've been reading about that the doctor mentioned
it a little bit when she was talking about the FE T but it may not fertilize
even though we're doing it C may not fertilize so that's the first step well
first is the eggs have to come out there have to be follicles that's one eggs in
the follicles ovum there have to be ovum in the follicles then they've got to get
them out then they only want to see the ones that are mature they try to gauge
how many are going to be mature by the e2 right so if I have seven we'll say
seven times 150 where's my phone we'll do this now I'm just gonna do the
calculator really fast so if I have seven seven times 150 we want the e two
to be about 150 per Fawley that means at the end of it all I should
have e to that is 1050 during that time they will also monitor the size so they
want it to be between 18 and 20 that's what we were talking about before not
having one that's too dominant or becoming a dominant follicle if that one
starts to grow out first and it's like a 22 they're going to have to trigger me
because that one is going to below their Shabo it's gonna break through the
follicles I don't know why that I keep saying that guys there she blows anyway
it's gonna break through and that's when ovulation happens and so it puts
everything else at risk so to try to reduce that risk mitigate that risk if
it started to get that big they will have me trigger and they will schedule
the retrieval so it's all kind of a dance at this point we want to keep them
between 18 and 20 we want to check the e2 so that it's about 150 per follicle
because that indicates there is a mature ovum inside of there and then timing it
all out remember when nurse Christina said so that they don't get ahead of
each other so they all are about the same they
you want them all to kind of rise together and so it's going to be a
matter of tomorrow how are the seven growing are they about the same size or
is one taking the lead and taking over what does the e2 look like does it
indicate that there are actually ovum's in there that are developing because you
could have some that are not developing that will not be mature etc so then once
we get to that place we're gonna take them out and they're gonna analyze them
to see if they are mature of the ones that are mature so saying you know in a
case I'm not gonna use my numbers because I'm not gonna speak any
negativity into existence potentially so let's just say there's someone who has
30 eggs retrieved this young 27 year old woman who you know has got everything
going maybe she doesn't have her tubes or something's happening but she's got
30 eggs released 30 eggs retrieved they look at them all and let's say only 20
are mature so that's 10 that are gone because they're not mature so they're
not in the running anymore we've got 20 now they fertilize them let's just say
they're doing it see they can do XE is intracytoplasmic something it's where
they take one sperm one great-looking sperm and injects it into one of them
which is what they're going to do with me the other one is they put all of the
eggs and a lot of the sperm in a dish and they let them go at it and let the
sperm try to penetrate it on its own because I'm older XE is good because
it's going to help break through the pellet Kunda I think I'm saying that
right I'll insert the word down here it's Pelican dope Ella kudi anyway the
outer shell of the ovum it's gonna help it break through it's thicker as we get
older which makes it harder to fertilize right so they're gonna help out they're
gonna the embryologist is gonna break through with that one great looking
sperm it doesn't mean it will fertilize so but it gives it a better chance so
then they wait to confirm fertilization fertilization is that those two separate
entities have now come one one all of our chromosomes all
of my chromosomes and all of the donor chromosomes all together and have
created honking horns now I have created a new human being that is where divinity
comes in right whatever your beliefs are something divine has happened for those
two to unite and become something new so now they're going to give you a
fertilization report so where were we 20 we had 20 so we put them in the dish do
the EXCI let's just say all but to fertilize so now we have 18 18
fertilized eggs which are now the embryologist and everyone else is going
to call them embryos there's a very technical reason why they're not yet
embryos but you'll see it in a community that call them embryos they call them in
babies they're called there is a developmental stage when they
technically scientifically become embryos but for the sake of our
conversation their embryos now so we've got 18 embryos they want to watch them
grow they have to divide at a certain rate and so they look at them again
they're gonna let them rest you don't want to touch them too much so the the
standard is to look at them at day 3 which is why you'll hear like day 3
they'll say day 3 blesses us it's not technically a blastocyst yet it usually
doesn't become a blastocyst till day 5 it's really a morula at this point but
you want to see that division and this is happening the same as in your own
body if you're not doing IVF when it gets fertilized it's dividing it's not
even in the uterus yet which is why you normally shouldn't test until at 6 days
after you
honk down your horn I don't know why they that's a New York thing in
California we don't do that that car is not going anywhere there's no need to
keep honking like that anyway in your own body
it's fertilized and during the same thing that's when it's traveling down
the fallopian tube and into the uterus those first six days after ovulation
they're it's nowhere near the uterus which is why in this case scientifically
they've put it outside so what would be happening in my fallopian tubes are now
happening in this petri dish in the lab they fertilized we've gotten to day
three let's say two more did not make it in our scenario so now we have 16:16
left we're watching them we're hoping praying they're gonna leave them alone
for another two days they will come back on day five and look to see how many
blastocysts are there let's not speak anything negative into existence and say
all sixteen are there all sixteen are there and they're fine at some point
they've done some sort of grading told me what it is was it what it isn't what
you know they looked at the outside they look at the appearance the grading is
all based on how they look because we're not dissecting anything we're not taking
it apart so we can't analyze like how many chromosomes none of that's being
done it's all like them looking through a microscope how fluffy it is how the
exterior looks how its separated how it's not separated now keep in mind what
they're seeing in the dish part of that will become the baby part of that will
become the placenta which is why the PGS testing is controversial because you
don't know when you take those cells if it's the placenta or the baby and it has
been shown that those tests and actually they're not even called tests they're
screening it's called PG as pre genetic screening and as with any screening
there is a large opportunity for failure it's just like when you do if you do
screenings in pregnancy to see if there's a likelihood for Down syndrome
or etc it's not as conclusive as if you do a test write a screening is just to
rule out based on oh how do I explain that based
on very general concepts let's just say it that way keep it moving
based on very general concept they're screening in they're screening out and
saying move forward or not based on that they will tell you you know based on
what we've taken the screening results are and they've taken a cell out of an
entity that has five cells or six cells or eight cells thereabouts and they
can't tell if that cell is the baby or the placenta as I said so that's why I'm
not doing PG assessing among other things I just want my baby back inside
of me I also want them to stop honking but that's probably not gonna happen
um let's go into the kitchen and see what I can do what's this oven and what
I got going on although I'm not well lit every way okay we're in the kitchen I
did the dishes earlier so they're drying over here I'm going to that's hot
because the oven is on I'm gonna put the potatoes in and mix them up for the
rosemary not a good idea to do that with one hand but oh whoa we're down to
sixteen they look great and figured out the great we're gonna put placements of
them back in the uterus based on these grades again grades are all visual here
are those asparagus can you see that light those are like the skinny ones I'm
gonna do those in a pan right after I do the potatoes I'm gonna start the
potatoes and I'll do the chicken and the
asparagus and potatoes I've got the rosemary come back I'll come back to
that so we've got 16 we'll pick the best ones based on this external criteria
that's visual grading and then we'll figure out to put them in or not like
that's best case scenario there are obviously scenarios where
there are no eggs there are scenarios where they don't fertilize there are
scenarios where they fertilize they don't grow scenarios where there are
eggs they fertilize they grow they stop growing they don't make it to day five
they all of those things happen they make it to day five they put them back
they don't grow so there's a lot that can happen between now and then I'm
trying not to be overwhelmed crazy or consumed easier said than done
it's hard because I understand the risk I understand the realities there's so
many people hitting me up in DMS on Instagram it's crazy
I don't think sometimes people realize how their words can cause anxiety so I
try to take it in stride because I think they're coming from a good place with
like there's a couple of people who are hitting me up hard about donor eggs I'm
like they wish they would have listened and I don't know if they're venting
sharing reminiscing or if they're inferring that I should do that wow I
see Pat Knight is I've said this a million times I have to do what will
make me continue to be a woman with no regrets right I will regret it always if
I don't try this if I don't try with my own eggs I will regret it
and so I'm going to do it I'm not gonna have a situation uh I should've would've
could've either way I should have would have could have listened to the doctor
my first re and just done donor eggs I'm not gonna have a situation was I could
have would have should have tried with my own eggs and I didn't I'm going to do
what feels comfortable I am doing what feels comfortable for me I don't judge
anyone for what they choose for themselves I don't and so I hope the
ladies who are sharing this not projecting onto me I hope they're
not productive never me I hope they're just sharing what their experience is
but it does make me a little anxious to hear it over and over again and to see
other ladies who are not having successful egg retrievals or who are who
are not yielding as many as I thought etc etc however that's not in my control
it's something I can change it so there's nothing I can do I've done
everything I can to prepare myself I fully believe like losing the weight
helped lower my FSH like beyond the patch beyond everything else that was a
lowest FSH I've had to date 5.5 was amazing the lowest I had before that was
7.7 and that was after a month of like working my butt off but I did remember
my weight was lower than and so the weight that I am now is the weight that
I was when I had that low or FSH so I think that played a factor into it I
feel like I've eaten really well especially the last 60 days I have done
exercise like I am in the best fertility shape of my life and so we'll see again
there's divinity involved and so I pray I stay on my knees I am like let God's
will be done and I know so many of you are praying for me and with me I'm also
praying for you and with you I thank you so much I love you guys so much I don't
know if I've said that recently so much this would be a much lonelier scarier
journey without you so thank you for rocking with me thank you for sharing
your stories with me as well all right let me get this chicken going I don't
want to be up all night I will see if I can get shy and come and have dinner
with all of us and we'll talk to her for a little bit and then we'll do my shots
I will be off to bed bye ladies
you
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