CLOSED CAPTION BY YOUTUBE! she always shot me down what to do to help your marriage stay tuned
what's going on we're back here let's talk about this let's talk about this
getting shot down getting shot down she always shot me down if I have something
to say I can share my mind you know let's talk about this real quick you
know there's a fine line between getting shot down or you talk too much or you
know especially from a math standpoint a lot of time we just won't be quiet
because we don't want trouble right because basically she can go haywire a
crazy and she doesn't really see it as crazy but you you see it as crazy and
you just rather avoid it a lot of times more like you want peace of mind
mm-hmm but that's not always just a man it could be vice versa - maybe a man who
goes crazy but all crazy is kind of different all crazy is we shut you down
like no time I think she'd go to marriage counseling I'm a foreigner does
follow my tells wrong with you I give you all this houses I give you the cars
that's not good enough for you but anyway my we give up when we're shut
down shut down is when people dismiss your
feeling right as a matter of fact I still had a conversation with one of my
friends not too long ago it was expressing how he felt about a certain
disappointment that I brought to the table when it comes to the business and
he took a little offense that you know I kind of dismissed his feeling yeah so
and I and I caught that for real I did dismiss his family I just didn't expect
that I was going to be you know taking like that but it mean I didn't mean to
and that's the part that most would need to pay attention to especially in a
marriage you know all the things you would do to hurt your other
your significant other is not designed to hurt them
that wasn't intentions look our actions can sometimes like for example for in my
top institutions I mean I'm talking about just money business right now
right I was trying to put a lighter mood into the topic like don't worry about I
got it I got in the sauce and he took that as I'm dismissing this
expressing his feelings own exception and that can happen in marriage too oh
yeah easily where you you wanted to you know
I always say fun fun fun have fun put some fun in it it's time to talk about
when you put some fun and it can backfire you ever been with somebody
that says you never take me serious yeah absolutely
everything is always a joke to you hmm they laugh too much when I express
myself yeah so that's a shot now yeah you know when you're dismissive about
somebody's feeling that that's a shot not when somebody's trying to be serious
and say something they want to speak their mind to you and you go you started
the game hmm you know first of all yeah yeah do we
should not because you just rejected the idea of one at US presidents else you
just rejected that and and you just made them feel uncomfortable for future to
want to express themselves so it's two doses of negative right there you shut
them down the moment well you've just made them feel uncomfortable to come to
you in the future and express themselves so it creates a vicious cycle of misery
you know because if somebody can't express himself it's only a matter of
time it's a time bomb a tantrum right so can you really yeah just a little bit I
mean that wasn't a trick question yeah something you want to say you're
looking at me like a shit trick question or something I mean
again means someone like me I'm already laid back when it comes to expressing
myself mm-hmm so just let things you know but I do a good job of pulling it
up oh boy when you pull it out mm-hmm yeah
actually I'm it's aggravating to me or maybe it's the method or the way you
pull it out like you know sometimes you want to talk and I I think I can't be
dismissive of something I wanted to talk yeah I want it now yeah like you wanted
to talk to me and I'm like oh I'm listening but I'm not really listening
I'm somewhere else I do that because I don't want to be brought up with the
issues especially if I feel like whoa whoa bottle talk about something now
we've spoken about before and he didn't change like yeah I just lose hope and
I'm like oh my god why we beating a dead horse here so but someone like me most
of the time setup me expressing like feelings I hold it in and suppress
things and then I would be an example of a ticking time bomb me in the past so
when he comes out is that we cover that here in this book yeah my marriage back
you know is basically this is chop shaft or something 12 chapters with an
introduction and conclusion and we'll cover that in details here especially
under Chapter 12 from the kitchen 2.0 and you know it's it's funny how you say
you feel like you know it's true she felt like so we don't do that anymore
yeah but she felt like we've had this conversation in the past it was gonna
come out of this again so basically when she did that she
wasn't showing up into the marriage as a solution
I says problems over mmm you know we both need to be problem solver well we
have a conversation we need to understand that it's it's a problem that
needs to be solved all right especially it's been addressed before in
the past and it hasn't been resolved that means you still have responsibility
as one half of of what we have going on here all right
so the key thing is say so what people do when they are not educated is they
say we had that conversation he never resolved anything I'm shorting now you
know so now with people that are educated we educator you say we had that
problem in the past and never got resolved we need to get to the
resolution so let's sit down and continue the top let's get to the bottom
of this whatever that is you come to the table as a team player you come to the
table too as a problem solver you know because it's one of the major
skills that even in your professional what they want you to have being a
problem solver because everything is not gonna be laid out for you on a bed of
roses in a professional world if you want to have a competitive challenging
competitive high class type of position you'll be required to be a problem
solver and I'll let you go to assess support so I agree admit it takes a
certain level of having an analytical mind to get to solutions like this
because and it's even more when you have a spouse who was shut down you know
because now you have to not only solve the existing problem our new problem
just presented itself you have a spouse which shuts down when there's need for
serious conversation you know so but a lot of that goes back to attraction you
know remember when you first got together when she was just open to talk
to you she wanted to hear every word every cent every you know he wanted to
all that she want everything about you right all that disappeared because they
disappear with the attraction right so it comes back to attraction
she's shot now because she doesn't respect you anymore right
if she doesn't respect you she can't love you it's impossible so let's get
into this email my wife says I don't communicate enough okay so she's the one
that shut down that's what we'll put the topic from but
this is basically what she's saying say my wife says I don't communicate enough
you mean he's the one that shot now no she's the one that shut down okay so the
person says she always showed me down sorry she shot me down when people shut
down they shut you down didn't want to have it didn't want to hear you right so
what he's typing he says my wife sees that don't communicate it mouth
she's always shut me down when I do communicate so when he's trying to talk
he gets shot now mm-hmm okay so I mean there's 50,000 different examples of
that that we can give off someone trying to talk right communicate when you shut
them down okay so for example I could be like baby shoes just just go ahead and
say just leave me alone I don't have time for that right now
is it big did she give me a that leave the shoes wait
leave me alone I can't be put it please you can be bothered mm-hmm no what
happened I was walk today you okay I'm good thank you seem a
little stressed you know the funny thing usually if he came like that it's
actually you think about it like oh come on I just laughed you couldn't cut
yourself right nobody's trying to do something nice yet what usually doesn't
come that way no it doesn't it's and we actually form to people right because
let me do it let me do what typically oh don't don't bother me let me see let me
do what typically happens what I just did is the correct thing to do right any
time she shot you down take it as an opportunity to give to her
that's the correct thing to do Kodama she's weak in the moment but your debt
uplift her and vice versa because we all have moods and you know and then you
might just catch it let me do let's act what typically happens you see that's
typically what happens - yeah and and as common sense that that may seem right
now it's not common sense for a lot of people they get they get very sarcastic
some I mean I was a big defuse let me say are you gonna take your shoes off
yes that's been sarcastic she reads that especially a woman will read that as
you're being again there's gonna be a comeback and then she's gonna have a
faster come back for you that you're not gonna like and then you said you're
trying to come a kick because you were talking and you thought talking was
communication mm-hmm communication doesn't stop it doesn't
even start until you start listening let me say that way you know because when I
said that to you yes I was trying to communicate the truth of matters that I
should then feels piss me off see yes right but when I got there I got
presented with a with what a situational song with a tender heart
we probably struggle at work that tired then busted not they have to take care
of the kids too and they're thinking a woman is thinking like ten days ahead of
ourselves yeah and all of that you know and she
expressed that instead of you to take that because it hmm I get to I get to
seduce her believe it or not yet seducing her in that moment when you
show up to actually give to her all of that leads to the bedroom all of that
your are your hundred plus she's gonna catch herself that she just got cranky
cranky she's gonna catch herself and probably will say
I apologize for snapping at you lady yeah I mean psychopath diamond yeah yes
Dudley she's not like some crazy lunatic so she would cut yourself it was no more
human being right and yeah does it have you had to be the bigger person first
remember you it takes to the tango but you can lead the dance yes especially if
you're mad right now it's a man you can lead the dance and how you dance will
determine how she now start tango study tango dance with you you know but you
lead how that and sometimes it feels like yeah but I did what I wanted to
communicate I was being not know you but but everything is your reactions hmm you
know we talked about reaction in the book to your reactions are basically
actions that you're responsible for a hundred percent sure it doesn't matter
that she started it or he started it your reactions I can't take the big old
property yes you're you created them you know so you need to understand that and
you know you would suffer just as much you know alright alright so so she
always shot me down when I do communicate when people say I do
communicate if they use the phrase I do communicate is usually because they
feel that communication hmm alright if you say I'm a communicator if you use
such statements it's usually because you're not a good communicator usually
okay not always it seems like I can't get a word in at all he's trying to get
a word in see these time to get a word and the truth is that I read this before
we got here but still I forget we start okay so when I'm leading with this
comment comment and we start and we act at the hour and I completely forgot
what's in the email right you know so but you can see right here that we can
tell where he's going he's trying to get word in it consider that communication
so that's again yeah how do you the idea see everything starts with an objective
as a goal for everything we're trying to do right
so there's a purpose for everything we are trying to do in life what is the
purpose of your communication is what you ask yourself you just want to be
right you know you know you're feeling touchy or you fill in what do you call
it you'll catch your feelings and you want
some kind of closure for that right now or you truly want to communicate to
heart you truly want to tell her that you know babe
issues you know remember we just want to do I just like them clinic just be
honest actually be honest you know I just like them claim I can take them
upstairs for you but please can you leave you're upset
you know if she snapped back because she's tired but she could do that
because you said it the right way doesn't guarantee that the comeback is
gonna be good so now she came back with the negative and you know I feel like I
got a snap back to that's what the knee-jerk reaction goes but if you learn
it if you understand how this work your could be yeah we are vibrating so I'm
thinking is that your phone knows that my phone from upstairs
Oh where's your vibration where's your phone in a vibration where's your
vibration is upstairs okay yeah you see what I'm saying right yeah so be because
they started the negative thing doesn't mean you're not responsible for your
reaction you will be responsible and you will suffer are currently you know if
you don't understand that so it seems I can't get a warden no you can't get a
word in because that's not communication network time is not convocation yeah the
objective is 440 what you are saying to land on the right place in our heart in
her brains right so you need to listen so you can see the right thing so you
can accomplish the objective the main objective which is to communicate to
actually connect would connect how with what you're trying to say when you're
arguing argument means the objective has changed to you
to be right mm-hmm and that's not right you know that goes that would take you
to it
I sometimes feel like I'm singing to the choir yeah that's actually a real
problem because wherever you're gonna try to
educate her on right now a wife is supposed to do this right yeah yes all
right that's how you feel that's a yeah remember do a common sense the part
that's not common senses are you handle the emotions yeah emotional intelligence
part of my marriages was not common sense because it's not about saying the
right thing no because you can smell it super morphin yeah I mean you can
receive it as being condescending yes there's been smoke melted trying to be a
therapist like wait what I did a good job my bad right Oh trying to be the
devil's advocate put yourself in a third product wait wait doing this right not
the third party right which is why i listening win if you if you're a good
listener it's always win all right because when somebody accuses me a lot
of that like I'm trying to be her therapist that's cuz I was talking too
much you're making fun of me I just got a feeling just now right but if I was
busy listening right you'll be able to repeat F of what I said to you back to
me basically now that I've cut it know that
one even though one is a hard thing you know
thanks for bringing that up no one is a heart there's a heart to
doing that too if I the idea is to not be a robot if I'm repeating everything
yes if I say something too you hear so silly here what yeah and you
can feel that how you feel yeah you know I mean these are things that you say I
practicing after we started working on our marriage yes and you're like tell me
Mom oh man I felt her work the first time I tried as a matter of fact one of
the days I practice it was the last Valentine it worked because I was just
listening and I will mimic what she said back to me I'll change the words around
a little bit just so she knows that I'm hearing her and damn it I feel confused
because she had made up her mind yeah this is all wrong but then if
somebody had made up their mind that this is all this marriage was wrong and
now they are confused that's attraction screw feedback in and
all you have to do is do that repeatedly over and over again before that person
gets back on your team they've always been on your team it's just that they're
confused as well and honestly in that moment it made me feel wow
I'm feasible you know you can hear me you're listening like you're really
really here yeah yeah yeah so I love my wife but she always considers divorce
over marriage constantly what she shut down that's what she's watching you know
you know you know I felt that way at one point but then I forgot completely that
she had been asking for marriage counseling for the longest way before
she asked for divorce you know so now the time that she's not
sure done and now can we go do my counseling now we ended up $200 $200
that was completely just a waste of money because what she did was just Roma
she thought she was talking to so because we're such our friendship is so
strong that she couldn't tell that there's anything wrong with us she could
already tell the lady right so she thought she was talking to people who
are just in a good place and they just won't mind constantly which is what my
custody is good for if you're in a great place saying you just wanna meet you
things are nice but at that stage it was too late and the wall what individuals
each one of us needed was coaching not not nice marriage counseling we're just
dare to talk back a phone we got in the car and then she reminded me of all the
atrocity committed all over again only at that point I do say I think she's
talking you know so I sometimes feel like I'm singing to cry yes you asking
it to require at this point I'm lost over what to say and do at this time
what should he do at this point in time like you said he needs to stop reacting
stop nothing I was going to eat award nothing to do right now is nothing if
she comes to you and she talks to you listen don't even say anything if you
feel the need to say something back let it be something she said to you yeah and
make sure she understands that you've heard huh yeah you know the reason why
that is so good by not don't be a robot while you're doing it
because she can eventually she's very hard depends on how angry she is if
she's extremely hungry she would detect it that you're being a robot you shut it
down and she was shut that down to the idea and she says something to you you
repeat it back to her I heard you you're saying basically when
I did this I did that that made you feel that meet you if you say how does that
make you feel if you repeat that a few times here it's go detect you trying to
be a therapy you're not sure I'll be a therapy authentically trying to hear her
you know now the reason why is good to mimic back to high is because often a
time we feel they need to say something because the awkward silent can be
uncomfortable sometimes if you feel the need to say something
remind yourself what did she just say repeat that back to her as a sign that
you heard yeah all right that's a strategy go as I can give you on what
you need to be doing if you still talking to your lucky
yeah if you start talking to you are together you don't need to talk anyway
because she's angry he's lived at a low for now
and work on yourself I do you work on yourself you need to grab this as
absolutely for free I'd get my marriage back calm we cover
all of this in detail it's a quick read to have chapters and it's a neat it's a
very sad story with our personal story to support everything we're telling you
and tactful strategical methods that you can use to get her back in your corner
you know because because I did it you know so you can do it to get my marriage
back calm that's where you go and download it absolutely for free and if
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