Okay, we're about to go see the Emoji Movie, the second day it came out.
July 28th, 2017, will go down as a special day in history.
And there's a lot of better choices, too, like Despicable Me 3.
But no, not today.
A day never to be forgotten.
As you can see, here's Cars 3 we could've watched.
Until now, a movie called "Foodfight" was known to be the most notorious animated
movie ever released.
It had a 1.8 rating on IMDb.
It was spoken of in the worst ways, known to be an evil force of destruction, waiting,
hiding, behind the outward appearance of an innocent plastic box.
But not anymore.
And as you can see, here they are.
The three tickets to see the Emoji Movie.
Oh, no.
There's a poster of the Emoji Movie right here, and it says, "An adventure beyond words,"
and lemme tell you, I'm pretty sure that's accurate.
It won't be the King anymore.
I swear to God I just saw this kid.
This kid was wearing an emoji shirt.
Little kids really actually do wanna see this, they actually think it's gonna be as good
as Cars or Finding Nemo.
Won't be allowed to wear the crown, because the throne has been taken.
By who, you may ask?
The Emoji Movie, my friends.
The new and improved, most notorious animated movie ever released.
Hide before it's too late...
Now, I recorded all of that before I actually saw the Emoji Movie.
Before I left the house, while I was in the car, and while I was waiting in the theater.
I expected a pile of shit.
I mean, after reading and watching so many online reviews about exactly how many nuts
it sucked, I was prepared for a monster.
But then it started.
And a quarter of the way through, I was asking myself about when it was going to start getting
bad.
Then halfway through, I wasn't even thinking about that anymore.
I was just watching the movie.
Now, believe me.
The Emoji Movie isn't the best animated movie I've ever seen.
It was surely no Cars, Finding Nemo, Lion King, or Angry Birds Movie.
But then again, it wasn't a pile of shit.
I wouldn't say it was bad.
It was pretty good, and definitely better than The Secret Life of Pets and Minions.
Not the Despicable Me series, just Minions.
Despicable Me is way better than Minions.
But what I'm doing in this review, is an organized plan of honest discussion.
I have watched several of the most popular Emoji Movie reviews on YouTube, and have created
a list of main, prominent reasons why most people think it sucks.
And I'm going to discuss these points, maybe even agree with some.
But the bottom, underlying point to this is: The Emoji Movie doesn't deserve the insane
amount of hatred it's getting.
One of the main reasons why people hate it so much, is because people already hated it
before it was even released.
Before they watched it.
And why was this true?
Because hating the movie spread into a viral meme early on, resulting in EVERYONE hating
it right off the bat, so of course, you're gonna hate it too, right?
It's group mentality...
Everyone wants to agree with everyone else so they can fit in.
I bet there's a huge amount of people who don't even really hate it, and just say they
do, so they can be a part of the bandwagon.
Whatever the reason, you can't argue when I say that most of the people on the internet
don't like it.
But I'm sure some people do.
And I'm just here to talk about why, in my opinion, the Emoji Movie was good.
I'm going to be discussing each point made by people who hate the Emoji Movie, and these
are the points that are most widely agreed upon.
It's a movie about Emojis.
I know a lot of people think that a movie about Emojis might not sound like a good idea,
but what do you want?
Another animated movie about a talking animal?
Again?
Trust me, I'd rather see an emoji have an adventure than another fucking talking dog.
You know why movies like Cars, Shrek, Toy Story, and Wall-E were so different?
Because they had different types of protagonists, such as vehicles, ogres, toys, robots.
And that list isn't too long, because trust me, almost every animated movie out there
is about an animal or a human.
Don't get me wrong, I'm sure the unique list could be longer.
But not as long as the one containing animals and humans, mind you.
And you know what other title could be added to that list of animated movies with unique
protagonists?
The Emoji Movie, right.
Yeah, I know you might not be interested in seeing "a fucking movie about emojis"
because using a bunch of emojis in texts reminds you of cringy little kids who use way too
many of them, or something, but the truth is, almost everyone uses emojis in their texts.
They enhance the message you're trying to put across.
They each have their own emotion, or meaning; they are popular in the modern world, they
are useful.
So in all reality, why not make a movie about them?
I'd rather see them instead of another god forsaken fucking talking cat.
It had too much product placement.
Product placement... in a movie about emojis, where they have an adventure inside of a phone...
What did anybody expect?
The product placement in this movie is actually enhancing.
If the movie didn't show Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Dropbox, Candy Crush, whatever,
it wouldn't actually seem like a real phone.
The Twitter bird flying down was a cool additive, emphasizing the fact that they are traveling
around inside a phone.
Without the necessary product placement, what did people want?
Fake apps?
Made up apps that don't even exist.
Would it have been better if Gene and his buddies made their way into Bob's Fishing,
then FaceNovel instead of Facebook or some shit?
What about FallBag instead of DropBox?
Better?
Everybody knows about those fucking fake cereal brands in the grocery store.
I can't be the only one who feels like burning my own eyes out with a lighter and smoking
the ashes after seeing a box of Bunch O' Cinnamon Squares next to Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
How about Marshmallow Magic next to Lucky Charms?
Crispy Rice next to Rice Krispies?
How bout some Pranks next to Trix?
Yeah, this fucking exists.
And if somebody would have preferred the Emoji Movie to NOT have any product placement, and
instead sport some fake apps, they're telling me they'd rather have a bowl of Pranks for
breakfast instead of Trix.
Just let that damn name sink in.
Pranks.
It tried too hard to be funny and wasn't.
Well, I know some jokes in the Emoji Movie were stupid.
Like when Gene asks a clock Emoji what time it is, and the clock Emoji responds with "Hey,
my eyes are up here."
And there is an Australian shrimp emoji.
He made a "shrimp on the barbie" joke.
Poop made a "number two" joke.
Guess what?
There are stupid jokes present in every children's animated movie.
Because, don't forget, these movies are made for children.
Not every single joke is going to have an adult reference or be witty and thought-out.
Every animated movie has stupid slapstick humor where people get smashed or hit in the
face out of nowhere, and probably some lame pun.
The Emoji Movie is no exception, so who gives a shit?
It's just like every other animated movie when it comes to jokes.
Plus, the hand, Hi-5, was hilarious.
His voice was fantastic, and there were a couple times in the movie where he made me
laugh.
Like for instance, when he threw the candy corn back up, and Gene was like, no dude.
Don't do it.
It's already been in there once.
And then he eats it again.
And also when the Emojis were trying to figure out the password to get past the firewall,
and Hi-5 kept getting the name wrong, it was hilarious.
And when the phone just randomly went off and started playing "Bubble Butt" in the
kid's school, you know, the kid who owns the phone.
I am pretty damn certain that if this entire movie was about animals again, had nothing
to do with Emojis or Apps, and the three main characters were like, talking dogs and cats
again, in fact, if this movie was a simple movie about animals, I wouldn't even be filming
this movie review right now, because it wouldn't have had any prominent hate in the first place.
Its inability to deliver emotionally or thematically keeps it from ever feeling like a worthwhile
experience.
Now, I don't get how this movie isn't emotional.
Gene, the main character, is an outcast.
He's threatened with basically murder.
His best friend, Hi-5, is an unpopular Emoji who wants to be popular.
His romantic interest, yes, you heard me right, this movie has action, drama, and now romance
too.
Why exactly is it so bad?
Jailbreak, is a feminist icon who shows the world that not every girl has to be like a
girly princess and can be cool, and do things that are almost always thought of as a male
dominant role in the world.
Like for instance, she is a hacker, and the leader of the mission to get to Outbox.
She talks about how she hated being the princess emoji so much that she escaped, which is why
she wears a wig to cover up her princess hair and crown, because she wanted to become who
she really was.
Gene's parents have an unstable relationship and feel bad for how they treated their son
after he goes missing.
Later it is revealed that Gene's dad is also capable of feeling many different emotions,
and a big ass father-son dramatic ass moment takes place at the end of the movie, showing
that the family has come together once again.
And when Gene's friends start slowly disappearing, one by one, once the phone starts being erased,
he saves the day and their whole world.
The outcast that nobody believed in before, ended up saving their world and proving their
society wrong.
Now if that doesn't seem like a good emotional ending, and meaningful characters to you...
Imagine if they were dogs.
Or some fucking talking animal.
Maybe then you'll get it.
It was too similar to Inside Out, Wreck It Ralph, and The Lego Movie.
So yeah, this movie had some similarities to other movies.
I agree, because the truth is, there are many animated movies that have similarities to
other animated movies too.
Like for instance, The Good Dinosaur and The Lion King...
They were both fantastic, but had several prominent similarities.
Two parents have a son.
The parents are in charge of a large area where the nearby lands are dangerous.
The parents teach the son how to take care of their land, for the child will inherit
it eventually.
One night the father gives the son a motivational speech, in a field, and bright lights show
up in the sky.
Something kills the father when he's saving the son.
The son feels guilty and ends up in a new dangerous, different location a long way away
from home.
He ends up being saved by whatever secondary characters he comes across.
These stronger friends instill many wise, overly dramatic teachings onto the hero.
He eventually becomes stronger and learns to fight and take care of himself.
The child takes over his fathers land.
Nobody ever talks about The Good Dinosaur copying the Lion King, though, right?
And why?
Because nobody cares, nobody hated that movie.
Everyone is just focusing on whatever they can find that makes the Emoji Movie sound
bad, because once again, they just want to come up with more reasons to support the hate
that stemmed from group mentality.
Also, in Minions, the plot is your typical cliché concoction.
The Minions go through various events to find someone evil to work for, but once they find
the new master, she turns on them and a huge fight takes place where the Minions win.
That's basically the entire movie summarized into one sentence, and it sounds much more
boring than the Emoji Movie, which it was.
Also, in The Secret Life of Pets, there was barley even a plot.
The main characters get lost due to personal conflict between eachother, and they have
to find their way home.
But they become friends with eachother and make up WAY too early, and also, the bad guys
were never really hateful to me.
Just annoying.
The whole movie just seemed to drag on and on, never ending, and barley a plot other
than the main characters having to find their way home.
Once again, more cliché than the Emoji Movie.
It is cliché and boring.
I've already discussed many reasons why the Emoji Movie is actually not that cliché,
or boring, and is just as much so as other animated films that so many people adore.
There is just one more point that I have to emphasize, because it's a point that shows
how, in a way, the Emoji Movie is less cliché than many animated movies.
It is a point I must restate...
It's not about talking animals, or humans.
That's it.
It's the first movie about the inside of a phone, or Emojis, that has ever existed.
And now I'm about to show you why, exactly, talking animals and humans in animated movies
are so greatly overused.
Here we go.
Moana, Finding Dory, Zootopia, The Good Dinosaur, Frozen, Brave, Winnie The Pooh, Tangled, Up,
Bolt, Ratatouille, Chicken Little, Finding Nemo, The Incredibles, Piglet's Big Movie,
Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, Dumbo, Bambi, The Three Caballeros, Cinderella, Peter Pan,
Lady and the Tramp, Sleeping Beauty, One Hundred and One Dalmatians, The Little Mermaid, Beauty
and the Beast, Aladdin, The Lion King, A Goofy Movie, Pocahontas, Mulan, A Bug's Life, Tarzan,
The Tigger Movie, Brother Bear, Antz, Bee Movie, The Boss Baby, Chicken Run, The Croods,
Flushed Away, How to Train Your Dragon, How to Train Your Dragon 2, Kung Fu Panda, Kung
Fu Panda 2, Kung Fu Panda 3, Madagascar 1, Madagascar Escape 2 Africa, Madagascar 3 Europe's
Most Wanted, Mr. Peabody and Sherman, Over the Hedge, Penguins of Madagascar, Shark Tale,
Turbo, Rango, Puss in Boots...
Can we just have one animated movie about a talking round yellow happy face without
the world's wrath bearing down upon it?
Can we?
I guess the answer to that question is a "NO".
But, regardless, that doesn't really matter.
The movie wasn't the best thing ever, not even close to the beauty of Cars and Finding
Nemo, like I've stated before.
It doesn't deserve the hate it gets, and it's not even bad, especially compared to some
other horrendous abominations I've witnessed.
Uh, The Secret Life of Pets.
My purpose was to simply state why I thought the Emoji Movie was good, and I'm fucking
done.
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