Jilllll is a model citizen, she can't tell no lies, says how it really is, and puts it all on line. She's a model citizen. Hey guys, this is gonna be a quick video about what
essentially you should include in your model bag; whether it's going to castings
or just going to an actual photo shoot. This is what I include: it's
standard to have your beige bra and panties but I also like to include black
if you're shooting it just gives you another variety, if the lines on the
beige bra just don't look right you've got a plan B. Now it's obvious that you
need a pair of heels but they shouldn't be like too complicated, just standard
pumps; black or beige. Now in the world of technology
this might seem foreign, but I always try to make sure I carry money on me...
unfortunately this is about the amount I make sure to carry, but if you have an
emergency it's nice to have twenty dollars in case you need to get a taxi
because you're phones dead and you can't get a hold of Uber. On the topic of your
phone die, everybody brings their phone but not everybody brings their charger
so I make sure to include both of thos. If I have crud under my nails and
it's a beauty shoot I feel like I might have just ruined the whole shoot so I
make sure to bring nude nail polish, just on the off trace, because I want the
photos are going to be as good as they can possibly be.
Bring lotion because the one time that you don't is also going to be the one
time where the makeup artist didn't bring lotion. Chapstick -
because I live in the world of thirst for my lips... there's no amount of water
that's gonna make these babies soft. Three weeks ago my pits were not as
close to of a shave as they could have been,
so now I carry this on me at all times. I wouldn't bring it on a plane but
if you can carry it on you it can function as a weapon worst case scenario.
And if your casting is gonna be long, you might as well bring my book cuz it's all
perspective it's a really fun how to model guide and gives you an idea of
what you might earn if you go overseas and what the markets are like and it
also shares a whole bunch of other models stories. If you like what I'm
putting out please comment like subscribe down below thanks for watching
For more infomation >> How to Model - What to pack for a photo shoot or casting - Duration: 2:54.
-------------------------------------------
What does couchlike mean? - Duration: 0:34.
For more infomation >> What does couchlike mean? - Duration: 0:34. -------------------------------------------
Kim Soo Hyun Reveals What He Thinks Of The Philippines and Filipinos - Duration: 1:17.
Kim Soo Hyun Reveals What He Thinks Of The Philippines and Filipinos
Kim Soo Hyun recently talked about his impressions of the Philippines and its people.
He noted that the country has changed a lot from what he remembers from his childhood visit. But one thing that hadnt changed was the warm and welcoming love of the Phillippines culture.
Everyone was very welcoming and thank you for all your love and support. – Kim Soo Hyun.
Kim Soo Hyun was visiting to greet his Filipino fans in the middle of his endorsement promotions for Samsung. With how warmly he was received in the Philippines, Kim Soo Hyun will probably visit again soon!.
Check out Kim Soo Hyuns sweet comments to Filipinos below!.
-------------------------------------------
Camps, Showcase Events, Now What? [LacrosseGoalieTips.com] - Duration: 9:22.
Are Hey guys.
Jonathan Edwards Coach Edwards
with lacrosse goalie tips
dot.com and lacrosse goalie
University dot.com.
Hope you're having a good time
at the start of school and you
know it's interesting this time
of year because people are
taking a count into account
what it is they've done over
the summer.
New school year starts you
know new goals new dreams.
Those sorts of things which is
really really really cool.
So as I mentioned last week
I've been working on a book
hoping to have that published
pretty soon here.
It's called an athlete's guide
to winning in sports and
life. You can check out over
athlete specific dot.
And while you're over there
sign up for the newsletter.
I've got free audio for you.
And you can check that out.
And and I hope
that when the book is ready
that you'll buy one and you'll
give it to an athlete in your
life not necessarily lacrosse
goalie but any athlete in your
life who is looking
for ways to improve and really
make their athletic dreams
happen. So hey
this week new goalie's
welcome from the newsletter
from Winter Park Florida
Potomac Potomac Maryland
Kings Park New York Birmingham
Michigan sweet and Penfield
New York. Love that the game.
Lacrosse is growing and always
loved here and you know from
people in the traditional you
know neighborhoods like New
York but then Florida Michigan
you know Ontario those
of those more far
away places so it's pretty
cool.
So this week's question comes
from a dad as Dear Coach
Edwards.
While the summer is over my son
has played in two skills based
camps to showcase events
and two tournaments with his
club team. Now what.
He's a sophomore in high school
and has the Division 1 dream
but he's not sure where he
wants to go. What's the next
step.
Great question.
So first answer is
grab a copy of my book
which is a guide
to lacrosse recruiting you'd
find out put the link below.
It's also on the product page
on the Web site.
But in that book you'll find
everything that I tell a young
goalie.
But you know first and foremost
you know when I think about
this question it's
your question is retroactive
right you've done all this work
and now you're wondering if the
work was like the right stuff.
It's better off being proactive
when you pick all these camps.
And one of the things that I
tell a lot of goalies to do is
that you need to take inventory
of your game.
So while your goalie may
have the dream of playing
Division 1 playing lacrosse
Division 1.
Are they worthy of
being a Division 1 lacrosse
goalie and so the first step to
look is like you know yeah are
they the best in their team.
Probably in this case are they
the best in their league.
Are they the best in their
state.
Right. Are they best in their
region.
You know are they the one of
the best in the country you
know the only way you find that
out is
by doing the approach that I
did when I was in high school.
Like my goal was to be the best
goalie on my team.
And when that was done I wanted
to be the best goalie in the
league. And when that was done
I wanted to get away from my
league and go out into these
other areas to test
myself against other goalies.
So if I went to a skills based
camp I while I was learning
lacrosse goalie specific skills
and you know in a multi
position environment right.
There's middies and defense and
all the stuff I
was I wanted to make the
All-Star team at that event.
Right.
And then I wanted to
get around other players other
positions you know get around
better shooters you
know challenge myself at that
next level.
So while you've done all these
things.
OK.
There's a lot of things to
come out of it. One
did your goalie
find out what it is they need
to work on right now.
What's interesting is some of
these events I understand
there's no contact between
coaches and
athletes you know college
coaches and athletes.
But this is where your
coach on your team.
You know if you're on a club
team needs to be telling you
this is what needs
to be worked on and you need to
then take that information
and then improve it.
One of the worst things I see
is when people invest a lot of
money in a showcase event
and they're just trying to get
seen when they have no reason
to be seen yet.
Right. They're just you know
the idea is not to get seen.
The idea is to be seeable.
Right. You want to be good so
good that you're worthy
of being seen and it's in
people flip that around a lot.
It's like they're going to
these events trying to get
seen. Now you've got to be
seeable.
So start there.
You have to be when it comes to
now recruiting from
these events and to kind of
make it to the next level.
You have to be proactive.
Just like what I mentioned to
Kim in last week's
last week's blog post.
You know you have your goalie
has to take the time to know
where they want to go to
school. OK.
One of the worst things I see
is one goalies play what I call
the Match.com game right
where they put up a recruiting
video and or they
you fill out.
They all like lacrosse recruits
truth there's not lacrosse
lacrosse recruits or any of
those services they put up
an ad in hope somebody will
swipe right and like them.
Right.
A goalie needs to be proactive
in where they want to go to
school.
Right so that's you know the
first step is finding a school
that's a good fit.
You know you may come from
a small town and
want to play at Ohio State
and not realize that it's like
60000 people there.
Right. So it's like a city you
know that may not be a good fit
for you. Right so just blindly
wanting to go to a division one
school is really not.
It's really not the approach
you need to take. OK.
So keep that in mind
also have a plan
for your recruiting.
Right so yes you did all these
things this summer.
But what was the plan.
What were you trying to
do. Were you trying you
know did you go to a skills
based camp at a school
that you may want to attend.
You did.
Like when I was growing up I
wanted to go to Cornell so I
went to the Cornell lacrosse
camp learned some of the best
stuff I ever learned and also
got on that campus and had a
chance to see myself and feel
what it was like. Did I like
it. I want to be there you know
and those sorts of things.
That was one thing at the
Syracuse camp.
Why did I go to Syracuse camp.
Well I wanted to play Division
1 and Syracuse was the hot team
at the time so I went to
Syracuse camp but that probably
wasn't the best choice
right. But I did learn that
Syracuse wasn't a school that I
wanted to go to.
Right. So no offense to people
in Syracuse or people who go to
Syracuse. But the point is I
went to that camp to get around
the coaches to get around
a school and see if it was
going to be the right fit for
me as a as a person.
So.
So take inventory of your game.
So your goalie did all these
great events this summer but
what did they
learn like what did you come
out of this summer with.
You know what deficiencies does
your goalie need to work on.
You know are they too slow.
Is there for or bad are there
is their outlet passing not
good.
Do they have trouble reading
the shooter. Like what.
You know what is it.
Are they good.
You know with time and room
shots or shots on the move
you know those types of
questions you have to take
inventory of and decide
what it is we need to work on
so that we can be a
seeable recruit able
across going.
OK. So thanks for the great
question this week.
If you're in you know one of
things I recommend to everybody
is take advantage
of lacrosse goal University
dotcom. All right.
One of the things I've put
everything I know as a coach on
that Web site and if
you want it and also when you
are member you get a free Goli
critique. So you get to send
me a video and critique it and
I will tell you what I think
you need to work on. All right
so to take advantage of that
head on over to lacrosse goal
University dotcom and
or you can join right at the
link above. This video on our
website. But I
would have been happy to have a
look and have you in there and
coach you like I do many girls
from across the world which is
very sweet. All right some
Coach Edwards lacrosse player
tips dotcom if this video helps
you do me a favor like it share
it. Be sure to subscribe on
YouTube and send this to
somebody that you know needs
it.
And if you have a question for
me Coach Edwards lacrosse
votive Zackham you season
Jer's.
-------------------------------------------
Why many leaders think diversity is a buzzword and what could make them change their mind. - Duration: 9:32.
Have you ever felt a bit skeptical about the talking on diversity in the workplace?
Have you ever scrolled past an article on diversity and thought: "Here we
have it, the same boring diversity mantra again". If yes, this video is for you
I am Federica Viero, a cultural diversity investigator and founder of
The Intercultural Lab. This video is about why many business leaders think
diversity is a no-go in their workplaces and what could possibly make them change
their mind. Because there's a lot of talking about workplace diversity
nowadays. It's been a very popular global topic in research and in the
media for decades now. Still, it's adoption by the corporate world has been
way less popular. Entire industries, boards, even teams are divided. There's
the diversity advocates on one side, thought leaders, inspiring CEOs, and they say: "Hey
do you realize how important diversity is for your business?" and on the other
side all those corporate decision makers, maybe you're one of them, who respond
"Uh-huh. Sure. Can I please get back to work now?
Got real challenges waiting for me out there. This divide is not only huge it's
also one of the least discussed. Because the talking of diversity itself is going
crescendo, but the story of what must have gone wrong with these stubborn
diversity opponents is not as appealing as some highly visible success stories
or some juicy Silicon Valley stories. You probably read about this recent
Google-related gender diversity affair, that's an example. Still I think it will
be worth putting more efforts towards understanding the gaps in this divided
community of corporate business leaders because a lot of them work in the
trenches of the corporate arena and haven't welcomed the diversity trend and
I don't believe that just because they have grown skeptical about diversity
they are all terrible, dull, insensitive micromanagers. So why this
skepticism? I think we have a bit of a tendency to preaching to the converted
to speaking to the ones who already bought our message. It feels more natural
somehow, while those who are not "converted" usually don't speak at all in
this debate, I mean why should they? It's not their conversation. The outcome
however it's a huge missed opportunity. Because here's the thing: if you do
believe that diversity is crucial to your success you have welcomed the idea
you are not the one who would need to hear about diversity the most. However we
often end up speaking to you first, for example we use a kind of "inspirational
quote" communication style which only can resonate with you if you are convinced
or we tell diversity success stories and say: "Other leaders should get inspired
from here and drive change". True, but how exactly are they supposed to go about it?
I think there is a need for clarifying and getting deeper into the business
fundamentals of diversity because they're not a given. We all love and I
love talking passion and why diversity so beneficial but the risk is to
disregard the how. We don't really focus on how real dimensions of diversity can
help address specific business concerns. Now, I would never dare saying that the
why is not important and that we should not start with it, still we can't assume
that everyone in the corporate world is prompted to instantly see the connection
between diversity and their very specific business success and simply own it.
We need to make this link ready to implement for the real employee, manager
or business leader in the trenches who is supposed to apply it in their world.
So how can we do that? I believe that when given more business context and
more practical examples of how the step-by-step process may look like, the
process of how diversity can help you bring your professional role to life
everyday and help you enhence fundamental
business processes in the direction of better results, then you will 1. be
listening 2. start playing with what's available and 3. eventually grab the
win, because there is a wind to grab. And the good news is these resources you
need to start moving in this direction are already available right now all
around you. Precious, leverageable assets you can
start agitating right away to boost competitive advantage, people
happiness and your influence throughout the process. OK,
what about getting practical with this now? Using a specific example? I would
like to pick a quite common corporate question, the transition to a new CRM
system - customer relationship management system - and consider the impact of
diversity on this process. Probably many of you have experienced a CRM transition in your company's so hopefully you can relate. The aspect of diversity I'm gonna
consider here is cultural diversity, one of the most pervasive in my opinion and
the dearest to my heart by the way. But before we get into the case, there is a
tiny but essential bit of stage setting I would do a stage setting now so that
next time - next week - we are ready to dive into our case of CRM transition. Pretty
much the only thing we need to set the stage is a minimalistic yet a very clear
way to look at any company - let's say your company - in a way that let us make sense
of the flow of recurring fundamental processes that keep your company alive,
operating and potentially profitable. We want to look at what shapes this
fundamental processes and how they drive the company's results through time, as
they happen and we will see how diversity comes in here. To keep it very
simple and business-oriented, the idea we can start from, in a super concentrated
nutshell, is that every single person in your team brings in a unique cultural
mix. It's a set of cultural dimensions shaped by personality, by national
culture of origin, and previous organizational cultures they experienced.
Every individual is contributing - or at least ready to contribute - their own
cultural input their own mix of dimensions. Hopefully, and most likely,
this inputs are not perfectly aligned. Most likely there is cultural diversity
in your team. So understanding the business basics of cultural diversity
really boils down to looking at how this cultural mixes shape an impact (because
they do) some fundamental organizational processes. It means how they impact
things that go on on a regular basis in your company. These processes are for
example - just to mention the most relevant ones - teamwork and yes: seeing
teamwork as a process is extremely helpful. And another one is the
decision-making process, be it collective or individual these are processes that
determine the long-term business success of your company and the long-term
well-being of the people too. Success unfolds along these processes it's through
teamwork and by making the right decision decisions -among other things -
that you set the right stepstones on the way to results. And workplace happiness
is created and nurtured along these processes as well, as they happen.
So to recap: individual culture mixes affect these fundamental processes - one
is teamwork - that affect success and happiness in your workplace. Ok, done! Once
we understand how the culture mixes shape teamwork - just to focus on this one
process - and how the success of a business unfolds and happens through
teamwork, once we get clear on this causality, then we can start addressing
how to touch it with purpose and what available assets we can leverage in this
suite in order to affect the bottom line. So here we have it: the absolutely
minimum thinking framework we need to start analyzing your real business situations
and see the impact of cultural diversity on the work you orcherstrate everyday
within your team. Next week, we will use it to jump into our CRM transition case
and see how you could bring value to the process by leveraging diversity. If you
found this video valuable please share it with a skeptical business leader you
care about. An article version of this video is also available, I will link to
it in the description. I hope to see you next week, until then let's embrace
working multiculturally!
-------------------------------------------
Virgil van Dijk to Liverpool odds: What the bookies think about potential deal being done - Duration: 1:45.
Virgil van Dijk to Liverpool odds: What the bookies think about potential deal being done
Van Dijk wants to join Liverpool but Starsport have been told there is NO chance of a deal being done. Saints are adamant the Dutchman is going nowhere, despite the Reds being prepared to pay £70m to get the centre-back.
Southampton legend Francis Benali expects Van Dijk to stay, and thinks big money could be on the way next summer. My gut feeling is that Virgil will still be a Saints player when the window shuts," he said.
"There's a lot of talk about the money he could go for and seeing the sort of fees some players are fetching it could take a huge, maybe record bid to prise him away after another good season at Southampton.
"Saints could be looking at £80m-plus.
It will be a decision for the club to take but I'm pleased with the stance they have taken and would like to see him remain a Saints player as long as possible. Liverpool have completed the signing of Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain from Arsenal for £35m.
-------------------------------------------
What's in my Shower Bag? - Duration: 9:02.
hello friends it's standing welcome back to my channel today I was cleaning out
my shower bag and I figured I might as well go ahead and show you guys what I
carry in my shower bag so my actual shower bag is a hard case it has a strap
here where you can attach it to other luggage if you're flying or traveling
like that easy to clean I wipe it off with a wet one or whatever in the truck
and if something spills in here we've probably all had the lid come off the
shampoo or something gets a leak in it for some reason it just stays confined
to in this bag it doesn't you know leak through a cloth bag and on to other
things in the truck so this does have a separator in it so I've got two sides
one side I keep my products in and the other side I keep my clothes in so let's
go ahead and see what's in here the first thing your shower shoes
everybody needs to have shower shoes if you don't have shower shoes you're
probably gonna get foot fungus we've both seen those drivers but we have you
know if you take a shower ever have taken a shower in the pilot or the TA or
any truck stop I'm sure you've had to go in a shower and look at it and be like
you know this this is you can get cleaned at all they didn't even attempt
to you know wipe the hair out of the sink or they didn't clean the toilet off
at all you know so if they're not cleaning just the regular things that
you see that's blatantly obvious you know they're not cleaning the floor in
the shower good now they might spray it and run some water on it but that's not
good enough if they're sick fungus there you just don't want to take a chance of
catching it use your shower shoes okay lotion mine in the bath and Bodyworks
motion but in a truck I've noticed I could dry your skin I think it's because
I'm always in either the heat or the air-conditioning because in a shirt
that's what you do you're in the heat or air conditioning then I have a body
spray that matches the lotion that's kind of just a girly thing I keep it I
like it you know perfumes smells good I like it
next is suntan lotion you'll see here there's little dog bites on it where
someone thought she would chew it up thank goodness she didn't get all the
way through it but when I'm done showering I put this on my face at least
if I'm going to bed I may not put it on my arms and stuff but you know I have
the window open here days like today where it's sunny I put it all over
SPF 70 I burn like crazy you may or may not need it depending on your skin tone
but you know for me I have to have it okay something else
cute it you know pretty self-explanatory you gotta clean your ears clean whatever
q-tips pair of tweezers I also I pair fingernail clippers but I keep them in
the truck by me when I'm driving because it seems like when I'm driving is when I
find a hangnail and I apologize if I keep looking out
here if you guys watched my other video you know I'm in a motel in an area with
a lot of drug addicts and drug dealers so people make me nervous when they walk
by so I'm trying to get the video done so I can shut the window okay we've got
a bottle of shampoo and this is a small bottle you see metal next to my hand
it's not very big however I like the small bottle in my
bag and I keep a larger bottle in the truck
when I my smaller bottle you know gets below half maybe then I just refill it
out of the truck by the way I ain't carrying around a big heavy bottle of
shampoo when I'm just using it you know a little
dime or a quarter size thing in my hand I don't I don't feel like I need to
carry it around I don't like my bag being overstuffed and heavy so yogurt we
don't want to smell we all need deodorant and if you don't have
deodorant in your shower bag then you need to get something okay let's see I
have a spare toothbrush now this toothbrush isn't a real good toothbrush
it came from a motel that I was staying at and I had forgotten line in the truck
so I forgive you complimentary things if you call and ask the desk and I got this
really simple toothbrush it goes into a compartment on the side so nothing else
gets on it but I do keep it in there I keep my regular toothbrush and
toothpaste in the truck again you don't want to set your tooth brush down on the
counter you know the people probably didn't clean the counter good and if you
set it down even if you're setting it down on the back and it's flat you still
stick the whole thing in your mouth when you brush your teeth so just don't even
do it brush your teeth in the truck that's
what I do personal preference because I don't want something in my mouth that
has touched anything in the trick stuff so I'd know unless it's food you know
something that ain't been properly cleaned right hair brush pretty simple
this is a tangle free style hairbrush I have horrible tangly hair I've got some
personal hygiene items for the ladies I just keep them in there all the time
when I use those I throw some more in there you know no set amount or any
thing this is a job somebody walked by the window that is one of the purpose of
having dogs because no one is going to try and get in this room yeah you showed
up didn't you yeah this is a little holder that you
put on the back of your bra that pulls your straps in it kind of pulls these up
and pulls the back back so it actually looks better so you don't have stretched
showing depending on what you're wearing and this is fairly needed so I should be
able to hide my strips better in future videos I've got a razor I keep it in a
little case so I don't cut myself with it when it's rolling around but just a
simple razor okay a couple ponytail holders and I don't wish my hair
everyday I actually found out found through trial and error that and through
YouTube then if I don't wash it every day it grows better it doesn't break off
it ends up being healthier so you know if I shower every day which I like to as
long as like if the opportunity you know I just put my hair up in a ponytail
don't wash it and just wash it every two to three days or so
a man I like to say I have is some makeup and I know this isn't necessary
but I like it and I'm going out of the room today and do anything if I was in a
different hotel I would be outside the room and the dogs would be walking we'd
be sitting on the patio somewhere having a cappuccino or whatever we'd be out
exploring for our time off so for makeup I have just a loose powder to kind of
even out my face and of course the color is pale Thank You Alma for pointing that
out to me I'd never known help me see I have a silver it's not
liquid but it's it's a cream consistency color tattoo I shadow I have a lore'l
hairs what's it called infallible it's a powder eyeshadow covergirl white ones it
just is a regular one I have eyeliner and the mascara and I
have to makeup brushes and you'll notice both of these have container around them
anything that's loose like that like you know I put powder on it that powder is
gonna come out in my bag so anything that just gonna come out in your bag and
make a mess you probably just want to go ahead and keep it in a plastic in a
container like this a ziploc bag whatever you have available to you so it
doesn't make a mess so that's what's in my shower bag guys if you have any
questions or comments about it make sure and leave them below and as always make
sure to do something today that your future self thank you for
-------------------------------------------
Maroon 5 – What Lovers Do (Lyrics / Lyric Video) feat. SZA - Duration: 3:20.
For more infomation >> Maroon 5 – What Lovers Do (Lyrics / Lyric Video) feat. SZA - Duration: 3:20. -------------------------------------------
What does hatchet man mean? - Duration: 1:01.
For more infomation >> What does hatchet man mean? - Duration: 1:01. -------------------------------------------
What does second baseman mean? - Duration: 0:48.
For more infomation >> What does second baseman mean? - Duration: 0:48. -------------------------------------------
How to figure out what to do with your life - #realtalkwithrobbie episode 2 - Duration: 13:04.
- I like sports.
I could do something in sports.
- Uh-huh, uh-huh.
In what capacity?
- You know, like the general manager of a baseball team.
- Yeah, well, that could be tough to get.
- The problem I have with some of these personality
assessments like the Meyers-Briggs or the strengths finders
and other assessments is that they don't answer
the million dollar question,
and the million dollar question is: Now what?
Now, what do I do with my life?
No, seriously, what should I do with my life?
Okay, I took the Meyers-Briggs.
I'm ENTJ.
Okay, now what?
Does that mean because I like other people
that I should become a salesperson?
Does that mean that because I'm a connector,
that I should become a recruiter?
Does that mean that I should become a doctor
because I enjoy giving forward?
What does that mean?
What action should I take with my life and so,
over the course of this video,
I'm going to give you some of my secrets and
the questions that I ask to the people that
I'm having coffee with and I've done hundreds of these
and I've gotten really good at honing down what
the real issues are and what's holding people
from taking the next step.
- Okay, sports, movies.
What about a talk show host?
(laughter)
- Talk show host?
That's good.
(laughter)
- I think I'd be good at that.
I talk to people all the time.
Someone even told me once they thought
I'd be a good talk show host.
- Really?
- Yeah, a couple of people.
(laughter)
- Number one is the dream job doesn't exist,
so stop following it.
I know you're trying to combine two skills into one
but let's be real.
What you're looking for,
especially if you're watching this video,
it doesn't really exist in real life and
by going after that,
I think you're really setting yourself backwards.
So, when I'm doing a coaching session,
when I'm talking to somebody,
the first thing that I do and the first question I ask is,
"What is your dream situation?"
Not your dream job, but what is your dream situation?
So, I'll give you an example of what that means.
For me, I am very clear on what I want my life to be like.
I want to live and work out of Thailand.
I want to be able to do it on my own terms and
I want it to involve writing and possibly digital marketing
or a combination of both.
I know that's what I want to do.
I already did an experiment, an experiment last year,
where I took a six month trip with my wife and
my two-year-old daughter at the time and I said to myself,
"This is something that I can do."
So, for me, my dream situation is how do I do that?
I have to be independent.
I have to be able to make good money outside of Thailand
and I have to be able to, obviously, do this all remotely.
I worked backwards from my savings.
I work backwards from my career.
How do I achieve that goal?
So, like, I am very clear.
I don't want to build a huge digital agency.
I am very clear that I don't want to build a big company.
I don't want to build a start-up and,
because I've been able to experience that first hand,
I know what I don't want and this has helped me
determine what my dream situation is.
Tip Number Two:
Accept the fact that nobody's going to hire you
if you have no social proof in the job
that you're applying for.
If you're a project manager and you've been doing
project management for 10 years and you want to become
a product marketer or a digital marketer
and you don't have experience in this, or social proof,
not experience but social proof that you're good
at digital marketing then you're never gonna get that job
through applying online or any of the traditional means.
Nobody's going to give you a chance to hire you
at something you might be good at.
It's not the way that this economy works and
it's not the way that this hiring system works.
Nobody's going to give you a chance to hire you
at something that they think you might be good at
unless they are your aunt or your uncle and
sometimes I'd argue that that doesn't always work either.
So, the question is now how do you actually actually build
social proof in something you don't have experience in?
Especially if you're at this crossroads of your life
where you're thinking,
"Well, I've been doing project management.
"I don't want to see a project plan for the rest of my life.
"How do I actually get out of that field and
"do something else but I also don't want to start over."
How do you actually get social proof of something?
That's for a different video but it really comes down
to hustle and understanding that you can get this experience
on your own as a freelancer or as a side hustle.
The internet is a crazy place where you can learn anything
and it's less about learning and reading.
It's about doing.
So, I talk to so many people and ask
"How do you learn new skills?"
And like, "Well, I read a lot of books."
Nah, like, reading is good but if you're trying to build
a new skill set, reading isn't going to help.
I'm a big fan of reading books but I know that when
I need to learn something new,
or I need to make a transition from one career to another,
that I have to make that leap and
the only reason I can do that is to teach myself or
to learn these new skills, build that experience.
- Maybe I could be like an announcer, like a color man.
(laughter)
You know how I always make those
interesting comments during the game?
(laughter)
- Yeah, yeah, you make good comments.
- So, what about that?
- Well, you know, they tend to give those jobs
to ex-ballplayers and people that are, you know,
in broadcasting.
(laughter)
- So, the next tip is, especially if you're trying to make
this transition from one career to another and
you're trying to figure out what to do next with your life,
the one thing you have to understand is
to make that transition,
you only really have to convince one person.
You have to convince one person to give you that job title
and a job that you can do for a few years and
you can put on your LinkedIn and your resume and it says,
hey, I can actually do this.
I actually have social proof that I'm good at what I'm doing
and you can point to case studies
and it's an easier discussion.
If you find yourself having to sell yourself,
then it doesn't really work.
Every interview that I've been part of where
I'm having to sell myself and the conversation isn't smooth,
I never get that job, almost never.
So, understand that people want to hire people that
they know are good at what they do but understand that
if you convince one person, you don't have to convince
an entire company or an entire industry.
You just have to convince one person to give you that chance
and again, how you actually do that
is for a different video,
but just stop trying to boil the ocean
and apply for jobs online,
especially if your resume and LinkedIn don't match
exactly what you're applying for.
If it's for something else or
you want to explore something else,
then you're going to have to convince one person who has
the ability to give you a legit job that they pay you for
and to help you take it to the next level.
Understand this.
Nobody's going to hire you for something that
you think you might be good at.
If you don't know what you're good at,
they for sure what you're good at
and so your value proposition needs to be very, very clear.
I like to play Devil's Advocate and ask them
a set of extreme questions that help them change
their perspective on how good or bad their situation is
or really, what their options are in choosing
what to do next with their life and their career.
I'll give you an example.
I spoke with someone who has 10 years of project management
experience from a great company but
can't stand the job anymore,
just can't look at another project plan,
can't stand looking at the people that he works with
because he's just not into project management
but he's good at it and he recognizes that
he can't get hired for anything else
outside of project management.
So, we start talking and the first thing I did is
I started with his dream situation and
after a few questions, we got on the topic of Los Angeles.
He wants to live in Los Angeles because he likes surfing,
he likes the weather, he likes the people,
and he likes the food.
Okay, so he has this option to actually transfer to L.A.,
so I said, great.
That's already a great thing.
What's the worst case scenario?
Let's say the worst case scenario is you get fired.
You're in L.A., okay, great.
What happens now?
He goes,
"Well, if I get fired, I have 10 years of
"project management experience.
"I already have offers from different companies.
"I have good confidence that I can get
"another job pretty quickly."
Okay, although you don't want to do project management,
we're playing the Extremes Game and you can always go back
to the things that you're good at.
Fine.
What happens if you can't get a project management job?
What happens now?
He goes,
"Well, I've been saving up a lot of money.
"I can live in L.A. for a pretty long time
"on the money that I've saved up."
Okay, that doesn't seem so bad.
You've already made some great long-term decisions.
Let's just say that you got fired from your job
as a project manager in L.A. and you run out of savings.
Do you become homeless?
Do you have a wife and kids?
He says no, so okay great.
I said,
"What's the worst case scenario?"
He goes,
"Well, if that happens, I can always move in with
"my aunt and my uncle who live in Redondo Beach
"and they have a big house that I can stay in."
That's your worst case scenario?
Your worst case scenario is you live with your wealthy aunt
and your uncle in Redondo Beach who miss seeing you anyway?
That's the worst thing that can happen
if everything else fails?
Now, I understand it's not ideal to live
with your aunt and your uncle but if you play
the Extremes Game, nine times out of 10,
it's really not that bad and you've psyched yourself
out of making that next step decision because
you're so worried about what's going to happen next.
Play the Extremes Game.
Play the Devil's Advocate.
Sit down with your family or your friends and say,
"What is the absolute worst case scenario?
"What happens?"
(laughter)
- How do you get that, though?
Where do you start?
- Well, that's where it gets tricky.
(laughter)
- You can't just walk into a building and say,
"I wanna be a talk show host."
- I wouldn't think so.
(laughter)
- It's all politics.
(laughter)
- Last tip is follow your effort, not your passions.
I can't stand when somebody gets up on stage, or on video,
and says, "Follow your passions."
I think it's, quite possibly,
one of the worst advice out there that you could give,
because my passion is to travel the world
and take pictures of my food and post them on Instagram.
That's literally my passion but, unfortunately,
I won't get paid for that.
So, when I quit my job in 2012,
it was the first time I've never had a paycheck.
What I naturally did, subconsciously,
is I went to connect with other people,
so I took a lot of coffee meetings.
I took 250 coffee meetings in 400 days.
Next thing I did was I started writing every day.
I never wrote in my entire life until I quit my job.
These two things,
along with helping people advance their careers,
these are the things that I spent
a lot of time and effort on,
even when I wasn't making money on it.
Now, I make money because of that,
but that's naturally where I progressed.
So, if someone told me that I can make $200,000 a year
selling potatoes online while I live in Thailand,
I'm gonna be the best damn potato salesman that ever existed
Of course, I'm not passionate about potatoes.
I could care less about potatoes.
But, I recognize that I'm good at it and
I can make money doing it.
So, when people say follow your passions,
I think it's advice that's often misguided and
you need to follow your effort.
If you quit your job,
what are the things that you would do naturally?
If you won the Lotto,
what are the things that you would do naturally
without anyone telling you that you have to do that?
So, follow your effort, become good at those things,
and once you make money,
you can start making riskier decisions with your career
and then you become really good at
other things that you want to try out.
Once you establish social proof that you're good at it,
then you can go ahead and convince one person
to help you make that leap into a different career.
That's how it works.
So, if you're trying to figure out
what do I do next with my life,
stop reading, stop taking personality assessment tests.
Again, they work a little bit but they don't tell you
what to do next with your life and
if you follow your effort, you build social proof,
you understand that you can build opportunities
in areas that you don't have direct experience in
or that your resume doesn't say directly.
That's the way that I live my life,
that's the way that I've advanced my career
and if you do that,
I think you'll have a lot of success in your life.
-------------------------------------------
What life lessons have you learned from an older relative? - Duration: 2:19.
What life lessons have you learned from an older relative?
With Surya Kolluri, Managing Director, Global Wealth & Investment Management at Bank of
America; Dr. Laura Carstensen, Founding Director of the Stanford Center on Longevity; Sarj
Nahal, Head of Thematic Investing Strategy with BofA Merrill Lynch Global Research; Ben
Storey Director of Retirement and Personal Wealth Solutions with Bank of America Merrill Lynch.
Please see important information at the end of this program. Recorded on June 21, 2016
MS. CARSTENSEN: Such an easy question for me actually.
It's my dad, who is 96 years old, a bio-physicist who continues to publish scientific papers
and who has approached his own aging both as an optimist, which I think is critical,
and problem-solver.
So he's never once thrown his hands up and said, "Oh I'm just getting old."
It's like, "Well that's hard for me to do.
I think I'll do it this way."
And he approaches life that way, with great resilience.
And he's a great role model for being a great person and a great older person.
MR. NAHAL: Well, much the same. I'm going to echo those sentiments with my grandfather,
95 years old, was a farmer and soldier, emigrated to the West, managed to retire at 55,
e-mails me every day and plays Words With Friends on his iPad with me.
So it just shows you how things can quickly, quickly transform with this generation.
MR. STOREY: I would have to say my grandfather, as well.
He actually lived into his mid-90s and something that he always instilled in the family was
being optimistic and life is better when you're optimistic.
Also that our most valuable asset is time.
He played golf up into his late 80s and used to always try to shoot his age.
And he would kid around that when you're 110 it's not that difficult, is what he would
tell his friends.
MR. KOLLURI: So my role model is my grandmother who lost our grandfather to Alzheimer's in
And so she was in her early 60s at the time, but she learned a classic language in her
widowhood.
And so I was a young kid, I was watching her learn this classic language and I was like,
that's pretty impressive.
IMPORTANT INFORMATION The views and opinions expressed are those
of the speakers, are subject to change without notice at any time, and may differ from views
expressed by Merrill Lynch or other divisions of Bank of America.
The information presented here is not intended to be either a specific offer to sell or provide,
or a specific recommendation to buy any particular product or service.
Merrill Lynch Wealth Management makes available products and services offered by Merrill Lynch,
Pierce, Fenner & Smith Incorporated (MLPF&S) and other subsidiaries of BofA Corp.
Merrill Edge is available through MLPF&S, and consists of the Merrill Edge Advisory
Center (investment guidance) and self-directed online investing.
The Private Banking and Investment Group is a division of MLPF&S that offers a broad array
of personalized wealth management products and services.
Both brokerage and investment advisory services (including financial planning) are offered
by the Group's Private Wealth Advisors through MLPF&S, a registered broker-dealer and registered
investment adviser.
The nature and degree of advice and assistance provided, the fees charged, and client rights
and Merrill Lynch's obligations will differ among these services.
Investments involve risk, including the possible loss of principal investment.
MLPF&S makes available certain investment products sponsored, managed, distributed or
provided by companies that are affiliates of BofA Corp. or in which BofA Corp. has a
substantial economic interest.
Investment products:
MLPF&S is a registered broker-dealer, member SIPC and a wholly owned subsidiary of BofA
Corp. 2017 Bank of America Corporation.
All rights reserved AR3W6SH7
-------------------------------------------
#AskSpitzer - How do people decide what Spitzer should look at? - Duration: 1:04.
Hi.
My name is Janice Lee and I'm a staff astronomer here at IPAC.
My question is: "how does Spitzer figure out what it's going to observe?"
The answer is it's like a competition, so astronomers from all over the world send in
proposals to ask that Spitzer make certain observations, and they describe how those
observations will help them make new discoveries.
Then other groups of astronomers - selected based on their expertise and their background
- get together, read the proposals, study them and debate on which proposals are the
best ones, and the ones that should be observed by Spitzer.
And this is also the way that other Great Observatories and in fact other observatories
in the ground select the places on the sky that their telescopes should look at.
-------------------------------------------
What is The Festy Experience? - Duration: 1:06.
After a looong summer, this fall in the Blue-Ridge Mountains come OUTSIDE and play.
Come To the Festy Experience!
But don't just bring yourself, bring you Bestie!
Bring the whole family too!
Stay for the whole weekend
CRAFT BEER! WINE! CIDER!
KOMBUCHA and FREE WATER
Thats right - in your KLEAN KANTEEN STEEL CUP Saving 10's of 1000's of plastic bottles
every year from being used!
A variety of food trucks and local artisans all surrounded by the great outdoors
Hiking, Biking, trail running with the BLUE RIDGE BURN
Disc golf, yoga, rock wall in the KIDZONE
Campfire Jams into the night - pick along There'll be Music Workshops during the day,
and a full weekend full of WORLD CLASS MUSIC ON THE MAINSTAGE
FAMILY, MUSIC, OUTDOORS, and FUN!
See you in OCTOBER at THE FESTY EXPERIENCE
-------------------------------------------
What to do if you find false records about yourself online - Duration: 1:51.
For more infomation >> What to do if you find false records about yourself online - Duration: 1:51. -------------------------------------------
What's in My Travel Makeup Bag - Los Angeles - Plus Urban Decay National Dog Day Event - Duration: 5:59.
Hey guys, welcome back.
Today I'm going to be bringing you a What's in My Travel Makeup Bag plus talk to you a
little bit about my whirlwind trip that I just took out to LA.
Urban Decay flew me out to LA for their National Dog Day event which was last Wednesday so
I was out there Tuesday, Wednesday, and came home on Thursday.
Because I wanted to just have a carryon, I didn't want to check a bag, I packed very,
very methodically and very light makeup-wise.
I basically packed this makeup bag which I absolutely love.
This is a, I guess it's my unicorn tarte makeup bag that I have.
Then I packed my small pursed sized tokidoki.
I'm going to run through everything that I have in this bag and show it to you to show
you what I brought.
I only brought one eye shadow palette and that was the Urban Decay Naked Ultimate Basics
Palette.
I brought this palette because I was planning on only using this eyeshadow right here, Magnet,
because it's a really nice color to make my blue-green eyes pop.
I did bring one loose eye shadow with me and that is Darling Girls, the Tragic Death of
Mr. Stay Puft.
I wore this on my lid one day but the rest of the time I just wore Magnet by itself because
I love it.
This was me packing very efficiently for eye shadow.
Usually I'll pack two or three different palettes, not this time.
I brought my RCMA Color Palette which basically I use this as a concealer.
This is the KA palette so it has KA1, KA2, KA3, KA4, and KO2.
I really just use the lightest shade as a concealer, sometimes I use it as foundation.
I brought my First Aid Beauty Moisturizing Primer, this is the Coconut Skin Smoothie
Priming Moisturizer.
I really love this stuff.
I saw this in a Jamie Paige video recently and decided to pick it up.
I'm really glad I did because it's really hydrating for my dry, sensitive skin.
For setting powder I brought my Milani Prep Set Go Powder.
This is not the illuminating powder, this is just a translucent because I feel like
the illuminating powder was adding a little bit of the peach tone so I haven't been using
it recently, I've just been using this translucent powder.
I also brought my travel size of the Urban Decay All Nighter Spray, this stuff is fantastic.
I brought two foundations, one is the Idun Minerals Jorunn Foundation.
The reason that I brought two was because I wanted to have a liquid to wear and I wanted
to have a powder for a light day.
The powder I brought is the Kat Von D Lock-it Foundation in Light 42.
This is slightly too pink toned for me so if I use a very light hand and only keeps
toward the center of my face I can usually get away with wearing it.
I did do a foundation test while I was there where I just put on my primer, my foundation,
and then set it with setting spray, did the rest of my makeup, set it with setting spray
again to see if I could get away without having to use setting powder but my makeup became
a total, complete multi-mess, it was horrible.
I was glad that I was testing that out on Tuesday rather than on another day.
On Wednesday for the event I wore my primer, my foundation, the setting powder, and then
setting spray and had no issues with my makeup staying all day.
I brought two blushes, one is Urban Decay's Rapture and one is Urban Decay's TMI.
These work really well together.
This one's slightly shimmery, this one's matte so they're really good to layer or use for
draping.
Of course, I brought my favorite highlighter, Makeup Geek Celestial, wore this everyday.
I used WunderBrow in jet black for my brows because it's my favorite.
I brought my It Cosmetics Superhero Mascara just in case I needed a mascara and this stuff
ended up running all over my face because I was outside in the heat and it was really
sweaty.
Nothing else did but this did.
I also brought Too Face Shadow Insurance.
I brought my Sigma Gel Liner.
Lipsticks are often where I bring a ton of products.
This time I didn't bring a ton.
I did bring three lip pencils, one is a classic red 69, one is Rush.
The other one is Frenemy which is a neon pink.
On Tuesday I wore Frenemy Lipstick which is the neon pink.
On Wednesday for the event I wore 714 which is a matte red.
Later in the evening on Wednesday I wore I think Lolita lipstick.
Then on Thursday I wore Violate which is like this pinky cream.
I was very proud of myself to limiting myself to four lipsticks and three lip pencils for
a trip.
I did wear them all so I feel completely vindicated in bringing four.
I did bring my Pacifica Lips Like Sugar Lip Scrub which is actually really good, as well
as my Pacifica Persian Cherry Lip Baum.
This basically helped me prep my lips for lipstick so I didn't have any dry patches
which was really nice.
I brought my Urban Decay Brush Case as one of my other little bags and I put all of my
brushes in here.
This just makes it really easy for travel because basically it keeps the brushes safe.
Then whenever you get wherever you're going you can bend the lip down to more easily get
at your brushes.
I love this for travel, I'm so glad I bought this.
I did want to talk a little bit about the event.
The Urban Decay's event for National Dog Day was really awesome.
It was basically from 10-12 and it was at one of the outdoor gardens at the hotel that
I was staying at, the London Hotel West Hollywood.
They basically had everything dog centric.
They had a doggy photographer, they had a doggy masseuse.
They had different little stations set up so that there were dog beds, dog toys, dog
food, doggy pup treats like ice cream ... Sorry, it wasn't ice cream but it was some sort of
popsicles that were safe for dogs to eat, just all kinds of cute stuff set up.
When I was there I hung out with my friend, Emily, from Haus of Hounds.
She brought her dog, Norman.
Norman is adorable.
Other people that I saw there that I knew, I saw Mariah Leonard and I also saw JKissa.
I was too shy to go up to say hi to JKissa.
Even though I've met Mariah Leonard before I didn't say anything to her either, just
... I don't know, I felt like a dork so it was just like I'm not going to go say hi but
I had a really great time at the event.
I will have a ... Actually, by the time this video goes live I should have a blog post
up with pictures and everything so you can check it out.
Anyway yeah, this is what I brought on my trip.
Let me know what you think and how it compares to how you pack for a trip.
Thanks so much for watching.
-------------------------------------------
jonas/mahdi | what you do - Duration: 1:01.
Jonas and Mahdi
Imagine if they are in a relationship
-------------------------------------------
What are CAR-T cells? - Duration: 1:45.
For more infomation >> What are CAR-T cells? - Duration: 1:45. -------------------------------------------
In a Relationship with a Narcissist? What You Need to Know About Narcissistic Relationships - Duration: 17:42.
In a Relationship with a Narcissist?
What You Need to Know About Narcissistic Relationships
Narcissistic relationships are formed when one or both partners struggle with a narcissistic personality.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is defined by The Mayo Clinic as "a mental disorder in which people have an
inflated sense of their own importance and a deep need for admiration.
Those with narcissistic personality disorder believe that they're superior to others and have little regard for other
people's feelings.
But behind this mask of ultra-confidence lies a fragile self-esteem, vulnerable to the slightest criticism."
We live in an increasingly narcissistic world.
Hard statistics and science are pointing in this direction.
The "look at me" mentality that is often promoted by social networks like Facebook has people positively enamored with
the image they present to the world.
In addition, we may now be seeing the negative effects of the self-esteem movement on a larger scale.
So how does this rise in narcissism impact our personal relationships?
For one thing, more narcissism means more narcissistic relationships.
Professor Brad Bushman of the Ohio State University put it bluntly, when he said:
"Narcissists are very bad relationship partners." Studies show that in a narcissistic relationship,
your partner is more likely to engage in manipulative or game playing behaviors and less likely to be committed
long-term.
A relationship with a narcissist can be hard to cope with.
To shed light on the common outcomes, struggles, and effects of a narcissistic relationship,
we've interviewed psychologist and author Dr. Lisa Firestone.
How Can You Tell if You Are in a Narcissistic Relationship?
When thinking about narcissism, I'm often reminded of the joke when someone goes on and on about themselves,
then interrupts with, "But enough about me, how do you feel about me?" If your partner is all about themselves,
always needing attention and affirmation, he or she may be a narcissist.
If someone is easily slighted or over-reactive to criticism, they may also be a narcissist.
If they feel they are always right, that they know more, or that they have to be the best, etc.,
these are also signs of narcissism.
Narcissistic individuals may only appear to care about you when you are fulfilling their needs or serving a purpose for
them.
A narcissistic relationship can lead to a lot of emotional distress.
It is estimated that around 1% of population suffers from NPD.
However, many people who have NPD do not seek treatment and therefore are never diagnosed.
Studies show that men are more likely to be narcissistic.
Roughly 75% of the individuals diagnosed with NPD are men.
Although almost everyone has some self-centered or narcissistic traits,
most people do not meet the criteria for having a personality disorder.
There is, however, a growing portion of the population that is displaying a greater number of toxic,
narcissistic traits, which are having an adverse effect on their lives and the lives of people close to them,
even if they do not meet the clinical diagnosis of NPD.
Forming attachments to individuals who exhibit these negative traits often causes similar distress as a diagnosable
narcissistic relationship.
A new study from Ohio State University has found that one simple question can identify narcissists as accurately as the
40-item test that has been widely used to diagnose NPD.
The question is simple, rating yourself on a scale of 1-7: "To what extent do you agree with this statement:
I am a narcissist.
(Note: The word 'narcissist' means egotistical, self-focused and vain.)" You can even try out this free interactive
narcissism quiz.
However, while this study suggests that many narcissists will freely admit to their narcissistic tendencies,
it is important to note that most narcissists resist the diagnosis of NPD.
Narcissists, generally, do not like to be told that they are narcissists.
In fact, they often have a strong negative and volatile reaction.
Below are some common traits that a narcissistic relationship partner is likely to have:
(Note the degree to which these traits manifest themselves will vary largely depending on the individual.)
Sense of entitlement or superiority
Lack of empathy
Manipulative or controlling behavior
Strong need for admiration
Focus on getting one's own needs met, often ignoring the needs of others
Higher levels of aggression
Difficulty taking feedback about their behavior
Why do people become narcissistic?
Is it a symptom of something else?
Narcissistic people often have narcissistic parents, who offered them a build up but no real substance.
Their parents wanted them to be great, so they could be the parent of a great person, the best artist,
smartest student, etc.
Often narcissistic people were also neglected, as their parents were so focused on themselves that they could not
attune to their child or meet their child's emotional needs.
The child was only useful to these parents when they were serving a purpose for them.
Often, the parents of a person with NPD alternated between emotional hunger toward the child and disinterest.
Narcissists have inflated self-esteem (both self-soothing and self-aggrandizing "voices") a component of what my
father, Dr. Robert Firestone, refers to as the "anti-self." They are very fragile,
because the flip side of their self-aggrandized feeling is very low self-esteem,
the other component of the anti-self (made up of extremely self-hating and self-demeaning "critical inner voices").
So, for these people, even slight criticism can be a narcissistic injury,
leading to an angry outburst and desperate attempts to regain their fragile, inflated self-esteem.
Often, a condescending remark will help them to reestablish their superior image.
Condescending is a common dynamic in narcissistic relationships.
This behavior can be traced back to the need desperate need narcissists feel to be above others.
What are the different types of Narcissism?
While all narcissists are likely to show certain behaviors, not all narcissists are the same.
In fact, there are two different types of narcissism, Grandiose Narcissism and Vulnerable Narcissism.
These types of narcissism stem from different early childhood experiences andlead to different behaviors in a
relationship.
Grandiose narcissists display high levels of grandiosity, aggression and dominance.
They tend to be more confident and less sensitive.
They are often elitists and have no problem telling everyone how great they are.
Usually grandiose narcissists were treated as if they were superior in their early childhood and they move through life
expecting this type of treatment to continue.
In relationships, grandiose narcissists are more likely to openly engage in infidelity or leave their partners abruptly
if they feel that they are not getting the special treatment that they think they are entitled to.
Vulnerable narcissists, on the other hand, are much more emotionally sensitive.
They have what Dr. Campbell describes as a "fragile grandiosity," in which their narcissism serves as a façade
protecting deeper feelings of inadequacy and incompetence.
Vulnerable narcissists swing back and forth between feeling superior and inferior.
They often feel victimized or anxious when they are not treated as if they are special.
This type of narcissism usually develops in early childhood as a coping mechanism to deal with abuse or neglect.
In relationships, vulnerable narcissists often worry about how their partners perceive them.
They can be very possessive, jealous and paranoid about their partners having flirtations or affairs.
How does a narcissistic partner negatively impact a relationship?
Narcissistic relationships tend to be very challenging.
Narcissistic partners usually have difficulty really loving someone else, because they don't truly love themselves.
They are so focused on themselves that they cannot really "see" their partner as a separate person.
They tend to only see the partner in terms of how they fill their needs (or fail to fill their needs).
Their mates and children are only valued in terms of their ability to meet these needs.
Narcissistic partners often lack the ability to have empathy with their partners' feelings.
This lack of empathy leads to a lot of hard feelings.
Yet many people are drawn to narcissistic relationships.
Narcissistic partners can be very captivating, especially at the beginning.
They tend to have a "big" personality.
They are the life of the party.
They can make you feel that you too must be great for them to choose you.
However, in time, they can be too controlling in relationships.
They may feel jealous or easily hurt.
When narcissistic injuries occur, they often lash out and can be cutting.
Their reactions are dramatic and attention-seeking.
According to narcissistic personality expert, Dr. W. Keith Campbell, "The effects of narcissism are most substantial in
relation to interpersonal functioning.
In general, trait narcissism is associated with behaving in such a way that one is perceived as more likable in initial
encounters with strangers— but this likability diminishes with time and increased exposure to the narcissistic
individual." This is why many people, who have been in a long-term narcissistic relationships,
describe a very passionate and exciting honeymoon period in the beginning and then a sharp decline as the likability
decreases and the self-centered behaviors increase.
Narcissists are prone to falling madly in love with someone instantly and are very quick to commit.
However, this initial love and commitment is not easily sustained.
When you are in a narcissistic relationship, you may feel very lonely.
You might feel like you are just an accessory and your needs and wants are unimportant.
Narcissistic partners act as if they are always right, that they know better and that their partner is wrong or
incompetent.
This often leaves the other person in the relationship either angry and trying to defend themselves or identifying with
this negative self-image and feeling badly about themselves.
What are some things a person can do to deal with a narcissistic partner?
If you find yourself in a narcissism relationship, you can first recognize what you have chosen and reflect on the
unconscious motives that might have led you to choose such a partner.
Did you have a self-centered parent?
Are you more comfortable with your partner being in control, so you can then take be more passive?
Do you get a sense of worth from being attached to someone who is in the spotlight?
Does the negative image of yourself they foster with their criticisms and superior attitudes resonate with your own
critical thoughts about yourself?
Many people who fall in love with narcissists have issues around co-dependency.
They will put up with a certain amount of abuse because they don't feel confident enough in themselves to set
boundaries or be on their own.
Understanding your role in the narcissistic relationship is important.
You can then start to challenge yourself to change your half of the dynamic.
This will, in turn, challenge your partner to change their style of relating.
You can recognize the fragility of your partner's self-esteem and have compassion for the fact that his or her inflated
sense of self, superiority and grandiosity is a cover up for the flip side of self-hate and feelings of inadequacy.
You can also develop your own self-confidence and self-worth by learning to practice self-compassion.
Don't be a victim.
In all encounters, act equal, and treat your partner as an equal.
How can people face and overcome their own narcissism?
A narcissist can challenge and overcome their narcissism by recognizing and separating from both the self-soothing,
self-aggrandizing and self-attacking attitudes of their critical inner voice.
The attitudes they internalized very early on in their lives.
They need to recognize and challenge these attitudes toward themselves and toward others.
One method for doing this is through Voice Therapy.
Narcissists further need to differentiate from negative traits of their parents or early caretakers that they are still
acting out in their current lives.
These traits might include superior attitudes or condescending behaviors.
They also need to give up the adaptations they made to the ways their own parents neglected them or were emotionally
hungry toward them.
These adaptations may have once been their survival mechanisms, but they now manage to push others away and sabotage
personal lives and goals.
Narcissists also need to break patterns of being self-centered or withholding.
They must fight the tendency to always compare themselves to others and the need to be the "best" or "perfect" all the
time.
Another way to cure narcissism is to foster self-compassion rather than self-esteem.
Psychologist Dr. Kristin Neff has done extensive research on self-esteem versus self-compassion.
The difference between self-esteem and self-compassion is that self-esteem centers on evaluating yourself in relation
to others and emphasizes a need to be special.
While self-compassion focuses on "treating oneself with kindness, recognizing one's shared humanity,
and being mindful when considering negative aspects of oneself." Dr. Neff's studies have found that self-esteem leads
to higher levels of narcissism, but self-compassion does not.
Self-compassion actually combats narcissism because it includes the idea of a shared humanity with all other human
beings, which leads to more compassion for others.
Self-compassion also fosters real self-awareness, a trait many narcissists lack,
as it promotes that we be mindful of our faults, which is the first step to changing negative traits in yourself.
For there to be any hope of recovering a good relationship from a narcissistic relationship,
the narcissist must overcome their self-centered and negative traits.
They need to challenge their self-feeding habits and pseudo-independent stance.
They need to focus on developing their capacity for empathy and respect of others.
Lastly, they need to develop transcendent goals, to care about and invest in others' well-being.
Being generous and giving to others are examples of behaviors that would be corrective,
building real self-esteem and practicing focusing outside of oneself.
Không có nhận xét nào:
Đăng nhận xét