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When It comes to public service to animals have gone far Beyond the call of Duty?
They're Known Throughout the World as the symbols of Safety so let's make them fight to the Death
Smokey Bear the fire fighting mascot of Forest Safety and McGruff The crime dog taking a bite Out of Crime
Wherever he Goes he's Weird and I'm boomstick and it's our Job to analyze
Their Weapons Armor and Skills to find Out Who would Win a Death Battle
in
1944 america's Forests Faced in ever-increasing
Threats With Nearly 16 million men Battling Nazis Overseas Little Manpower Remained to combat The Spread of Forest fires
Every year 30 million Acres of Trees Would Go Up in smoke Damn That's even more Trees Than snoop dogg and Burn
America Needed a New hero
Someone Who could prevent these disastrous Blazes From occurring in the first place and That Along came a lovable cartoon Bear Named
Smokey so remember only you can prevent Forest fires
As a
Mascot Smokey Bear did What he could to inspire the American People he even partnered with bambi to teach The ways of fire Safety
However Smokey Was still Merely a Dream a Figment of imagination on
One Fateful day in the capital Mountains of New mexico what do you know a Forest fire broke out the mountain trees were annihilated
In a blaze so intense the 30 firefighters Called to action were almost
Incinerated Thousands of Forest Critters Either Fled or died oh?
but one
Atop a
Smoldering tree clung a lone Survivor a small Black Bear cub his paws Burnt his family lost to the flames
So after firefighters Rescued Him there was only one name that fit?
Smokey well first They Named Him hot Foot teddy but They couldn't waste such a Great Pr opportunity
Dubbed It into the National zoo at Washington Dc Young Smokey became the living Symbol of fire prevention
They even made an animated Short of His new official Origin Story in its
Pretty Horrifying Actually The Public Adored Young Smokey he received so much Fan mail he had to get his own Zip code and
Since Then Smokey has Successfully Helped prevent Forest fires and promote fire Safety for over 70 Years
and Boy, oh boy has he done a Good Job
Growl Your Campfires with Water Make sure it's cold
Then
Started Drunk Again Indeed in Just The first 20 Years Annual Forest fire damage Dropped over 80 percent
yeah
Thanks to Smokies Advice i've never started a Forest fire in my entire life i don't believe That's due my knowledge i mean
Plenty of Opportunity Well I'm Impressed
I didn't think you took anybody's Advice Up seriously Why wouldn't i take Smokies This guy started a fire Safety Club Picked up
ventriloquism and even taught The Adams Family to put Out fires
You Know the People Who love pain and Things That are Generally Bad for you he's
Befriended The Creatures of the Forest Much like a Disney princess and Even infiltrated Disney Itself to teach Their Characters about fire Safety
Also unlike Most Mascots at The time he Successfully protected his dignity Through The toughest social Experience in recent History The
90s
The Forest Protect our Trees
We Agreed You talk to Kids in that Wing i know but i'll Just give it to them straight
Oh and in case you forgot He's also a Goddamn Bear an
American Black Bear to be precise the largest Black Bears are over Seven Feet tall and Exceed 800
Pounds Which Seems To Match Smokey's own size
Smokies Got Plenty to fight With Like His razor-Sharp Claws His trusty Shovel and enough Muscle to rip your arm off chewbacca style
and then You have to worry about fighting a Bear That's armed is that a pun
It wasn't even Bear related Where's you can't even Bear the amount of puns i've Got quart of you Good as if
unlike Boomstick Smokey Isn't one to Just do the bare minimum in
Fact Bears in General are quite durable Creatures thanks to their stout Anatomy
Including a Skeleton so stable It Endures long Hibernation Without Withering you better Believe
Smokey Is strong Too Where's His size can Break trees and flip Over Boulders Weighing more Than three
And Fifty Pounds When he was Just a Cub smoke even Smashed this Shitty Little house to bits he's surprisingly
Stealthy Able to sneak up on people in broad Daylight with Barely a Sound also Black Bears can Run Up to 30 miles per hour
That's What Makes The Bear Cavalry so Dangerous
Aside from Then he's accomplished Many
Unbelievable Feats to Keep The Forest safe like Manipulating time and also When he disguised Himself as a Woman Without
Bearing Any Resemblance To his Real Body
Boomstick Why don't you introduce his Greatest feat With Your baritone Voice prepare
Yourself Because Smokey can Magically Grow so large he's bigger Than Godzilla
look at The size of Him all Just to emphasize a point much like how i'm owning This unbearable pun war
Oh i'm still going i hope you brought some sort of non-perishable Snack Because i can do This all Day You're gonna be so
Embarrassed When you lose no, no no That'll never Happen When it'S me versus you ha you Missed a Bear pun you're out
Ursus is Latin for Bear Moron ah
Damn It you Know latins my weakness
Only i Was a Bear then my Only Weakness Would be Bear traps Bear repellent and Bear mace you know shit the People had to
Make to stop Bears Since They're so unstoppable there are some techniques to increase your Chances of Surviving a Bear Attack
Some say You can Punch your arm down their Throat to induce
Uncontrollable vomiting although i Wouldn't recommend that Because you're Definitely going to lose your arm and it's gross
Honestly all you can Really do Is Make Yourself look as large and intimidating as possible Now i know
Looper Way to escape a Bear you Just gotta be faster Than the guy next
to you well it's a Good Thing Smokey chose a life of Education and isn't chasing People down
The Last Thing You want after you Is an 8 foot tall bear with a Giant Shovel and a Grudge
Only You can prevent Forest Fires
I gotta get back to the forest
Let me take You on a trip back to the late
1970s also Known as the feel-good decade a time where individualism and personal liberation took Center stage
But Not Everybody took That As a Sign of Peace
Yeah Domestic crime Was getting Bad Like Really Bad
At The Turn of the decade The American People made a hero to save them from Themselves
huh dog in a trench coat This canine Began His campaign Modestly enough But he needed a name after
Eight Months of Polling he was Given one Along with an unforgettable Slogan take a bite outta crime
Mcgruff The Crime Dog
focused and determined to make That bite count mcGruff Hit the streets hard and fast in
Just a Year more Than 50% of americans had Seen At least One McGruff Advertisements Cuss Teenagers are the victims of Over
2000 Violent Crimes By Strangers Every day
you Can Help Stop It That's cuz he was Willing to get his Job done by any means possible even if It meant
Ultimate embarrassment he used commercials cartoons comic Books video Games
Musicals he Even Released His own anti-drug album with Such Classic Singles as Crack and cocaine
Because Nobody's Need and That Crash Getgo Game Making a Mess of c'mon
and inhalants
You'll be suffer in pain
Yeah It's
Really Really Bad asthma
Crufts Plan Generally Targeted Children Rather Than Current Criminals It require patience in time but It Worked
Over the Next Few Decades crime Dropped Exponentially The Next Generation of America Was smarter and Safer
Now some of You are probably Thinking Hey
Mcgruff Was responsible for all of That and i Say to you can You prove he wasn't
Regardless McGruff Certainly Had a Massive Impact
Leading The Charge against crime i Mean That's Seriously impressive considering all my dog Does is Sit Around Licking his balls
Make Ruffs Not Just Any dog he's a
six-Foot Tall bipedal Bloodhound a Dog Breed Known for Their Excellent sense of smell and Extremely powerful bites and Floppy Adorable Ears
Scaling Him to your average Bloodhound Mcgruff can Likely Run 45 miles per hour
Jump 10 Feet High and bite with enough pressure to break Bones
and unlike My dog McGruff Wears a Cool trench Coat Which not only protects Him from the rain and cold But Gives off a neat
detective vibe
However unlike Thailand's Air Chief Marshal mr. Foo-foo
resident Peace Buddy true Story Mcgruff Doesn't Appear to hold an official police ring he calls Himself a
protective Which is Just as Fake as It Sounds
Oh wait if a Crime has It Happened yet Then how does he know to stop it That's like some Minority Report
Shit he Possesses a Certain Set Of Skills to do so he has a Keen Eye for details and context clues He's?
Exceptional At Analyzing and predicting Potential Crimes in progress
So he can predict What'S gonna Happen with a few context clues but that Doesn't Mean much iF he can't stop a mugging or whatever
Luckily McGruff Has Plenty of Tools and Talents When someone's in trouble McGruff circle of respect creates a Force Field
Which is apparently the perfect defense against bullies while he's not an official member of the police Force he's Been Hanging Around
Officers for Decades so it's not unreasonable to believe he's Picked Up some police Combat training being Your own dog has its perks
Example McGruff Scars and a Standard Beat-Up police Cruiser it's a Freakin Monster Truck This Bad mamma jamma is based on a
2010 ford Superduty With
540 cubic Inches of gas Guzzling Badassery
Definitely an upgrade Over his original 96 Model I'M not sure What this has to do with preventing crime
Screw preventing Crime This Beautiful Feast provides all Kinds of Other Stuff Like Boredom Being a Little Sissy and small European
Cars From Going Unmatched That's enough for me
Ironically despite His skills and claim to stop Crimes before They Happen he's more of a
Counselor Than a Protector and Doesn't Actually Step in all That often no but he doesn't Need to when he can Freeze time
Ies McGruff is famous for Pausing time and Breaking The fourth wall to discuss an ongoing Potential Crime
Unfortunately While Pausing time McGruff Does Not Seem capable of interacting with the World Around Him
That's Jenny But That's not Jenny's dad if he could send her that car
That May Be the last time You'll see Jenny he doesn't even bother Saving Jenny from her Kidnapper Which means he was right That
Was the last time We Saw Jenny
Still McGruff Scam Payne has Been Wildly Victorious it'S safe to Say he Succeeded in taking a bite out of Crime
Oh my god we didn't even mention The reality flipping switch he has in his office what the hell is up with that Thing i
Mcgruff The Crime dog and i'm here to help take a bite outta crime
Alright The Combatants are set Let's end this debate once and for all
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But Right Now it's time for a Death Better
Remember Kids fire is a Dangerous Tool Should Never Be Left Unattended to go
Only You could Have Prevented that Forest fire
you Should Learn to respect Your Surroundings how so Humorous
Remember Kids IF You're about to be bought by a Bear
Stupid Dog
Remember Kids Remember me
Looks Like McGruff Had a Rough Time Out There
Smokey Was Clearly The stronger combatant thanks to well if they used to be in a giant Bear Really Mick Ruff wasn't totally outclassed
His greater Speed and Smaller size made The battle quite tedious for Smokey
But That's about It Yeah he couldn't compete with Smokey and anything Else It's like My Grandpappy Always Said why have a Guard Dog
When you can Get a Guard Bear
But What truly mattered in this battle were their Unique abilities and in that McGruff Didn't stand a chance
When McGruff Paws time he couldn't Affect the World Around Him while smokey has Shown That he can
Really What are you gonna do against a Bear that can Grow to the size of a Mountain
so Mayor Beats Dog Smokey's Powers were superior and ultimately Smokey had far more options to take McGruff down for Good
Smokey Was Just more Than Mcgruff Good Bear
One Last Bear bun Suck it Where's
The Winner is Smokey Bear
Stick Around we're about. To announce the combatants for the next Death battle and if you want
To watch an exclusive commentary on this episode click that Little box over there and start a first membership trial
Only You can prevent Forest Fires Click the Link Below and Help Save Lives
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