- The Super Bowl is planet Earth's
preeminent annual sports platform.
It's where legacies get cemented,
guys that nobody had heard of
become the buzz of the nation,
and a single, strong game can be
parlayed into riches beyond their wildest dreams.
And it's doubly so for the league's
quarterbacks, the face of their team
and the focal point of the sport.
But sadly, quarterbacks living up
to the enormity of the moment
is not always the case,
as once upon a time the season's final game
featured a conference champ
whose aerial attack was so ghastly,
a drunk, blindfolded Tim Tebow, throwing with
his right hand, would have been an upgrade.
This is the Worst Individual Super Bowl Performance.
Super Bowl XXXV, January 28th, the year of
our Lord, two millennia plus a free throw.
Raymond James Stadium, Tampa, Florida.
Kerry Collins and the NFC Champion
New York Giants, squaring off
against Trent [record scratch],
Ray Lewis and the AFC Champion
Baltimore Ravens for the silver trophy.
The Ravens enter with arguably
the greatest single season defense of all-time,
with Marvin Lewis' unit allowing
just 165 points throughout Y2K.
But their pass D, though still extremely good,
was certainly buoyed by a cupcake schedule
of opposing QBs and isn't totally unassailable.
Collins had a disappointing first
5 years in the NFL, but this season
the lightbulb went on and he broke out.
He comes to Tampa having just completely
torched the Vikings in the NFC Championship demolition,
joining Kurt Warner as the only guys
to have topped 350 passing yards
and 5 scores in a playoff game.
He'd ride that momentum into...each
of his first two passes nearly getting
picked by Ravens strong safety Kim Herring.
His next pass, from the lip of his
own endzone, also nearly picked.
This time by cornerback Chris McAlister.
For those scoring at home, that's
3 passes, 3 near-interceptions.
He then managed to connect with
Ike Hilliard for what would be their
only play that produced a fresh set
of downs across their opening 7 drives.
At which point, Collins was just
3 of 13 for 17 yards, this Jamie Sharper
pick off a Ray Lewis deflection,
and at least 5 other balls that a Raven got his mitts on.
Finally, on drive number 8, New York
managed to cross midfield for the very first time.
However, this being uncharted waters,
it spooked Collins into throwing
yet another pass that easily could have
been picked by Lewis on their first
snap in enemy territory.
Later, down 10-0 with a minute left
in the first half and the Giants
in position to make it a one score game
at intermission, Collins inexplicably
threw into tight double coverage,
providing the nicest gift a McAlister
had gotten since Kevin scored that sweet Talkboy.
But wait, we still got 30 more minutes
of Collins pooping the bed, and
to bestow some lovely symmetry
to the viewers at home, Kim Herring,
the same man who nearly picked Collins
on each of his first 2 passes of the game,
actually closed the deal this time
to kill the Giants' opening second half drive.
All he could manage the rest of
the third quarter was a pair of
three-and-outs, featuring another pass
Lewis could have snagged, sandwiched around
this backbreaking, pile of slop pass
that Duane Starks returned for 6 the other way.
The final quarter was just academic.
A couple more three-and-outs, and his
67th and 68th near-picks put this one to bed,
but not before solidifying Collins'
ignominy in Super Bowl lore.
Of the Giants' 15 meaningful offensive drives,
13 ended with either a Collins interception
or a three-and-out, and lest you notice
the positive integer beside the NYG
on the scoreboard and think he made
something happen on one of the other
couple drives, fear not: they were punts too.
Those points stem from the kick return
following that pick 6.
The offense was completely goose-egged.
In fact, Big Blue ran just 3 offensive plays
the entire game that were even in Raven territory.
They were a dropped pick, a pick, and a sack.
It was such an unmitigated disaster that
by comparison, it let some of the other
rotten performances smell just a little rosier,
and there have been plenty of them
in the annals of Super Bowl history.
Like each of Thurman Thomas' games against Dallas.
Take your pick between Super Bowl XXVII and
his 15 touches for 29 yards with a lost fumble,
or a year later when he barely topped
2 yards a carry and twice coughed the ball away.
There are a couple right tackles
that tried their damnedest to be
the subject of this video too.
Max Lane, getting taken behind the woodshed
by Reggie White over and over and
over again, throughout Super Bowl XXXI,
and Mike Remmers getting used as
Von Miller's personal turnstile in Super Bowl 50,
allowing the chicken farmer to set up camp
in Carolina's backfield, with 2 1/2 sacks
and a couple forced fumbles.
The first put the Panthers in a quick 10 point hole.
The second was the dagger, ensuring
Cam Newton couldn't orchestrate
a game-winning touchdown drive.
And if I may cheat because it's so
hard to just pick one, Bronco quarterbacks.
Throughout Denver's eight Super Bowl trips,
starting QBs Craig Morton, John Elway,
and Peyton Mannning combine to barf
out a passer rating of 53.5.
Congrats Broncos, across your half
season on Super Sunday, you're
basically quarterbacked by Ryan Leaf.
But this was a masterpiece of ineptitude so beautiful,
even Van Gogh would be moved to tears.
Collins' 39 passes on the evening
yielded a pitiful 112 yards.
Wanna know how rare it was to throw
that much and fail to crack 3 yards a pop?
Literally unprecedented.
A quarterback had thrown that much in a game
over 22 hundred times, and this was
the lowest mark from any of them,
let alone just the Super Bowl.
Throw in those 4 picks that he's
lucky weren't way more, and his
passer rating was utterly hideous.
Even in the context of facing that
legendary Ravens' defense, every other
quarterback that played those same Ravens
that year, generated a way better
passer rating than that of Collins.
Even though most of them were, to put it kindly,
unfit to ever step on an NFL field
unless they decided to become a
member of the chain gang.
Including the playoffs, there were
259 games played in the 2000 season.
That means of the 518 outings
put forth by starting quarterbacks that year,
514 posted a higher passer rating than Collins did,
in the biggest game of his life.
This was a performance so dreadful,
so thoroughly repulsive, that whenever
Giants rookie O-coordinator Sean Payton
called a pass play, they would have been
better of if Collins just spiked the ball,
or took a knee every damn time, which I could do.
And if you can't outperform me?
Next time maybe just stay the hell home.
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