(laughter)
- [Alexis] Get ready. Okay.
- [Alexis And Vivek] Welcome to Stump Kitchen.
- Oh, my God. (laughter)
♪ Stump Kitchen, Stump Kitchen ♪
♪ Gluten free vegan treats ♪
♪ Stumptastic treats ♪
- Welcome to Stump Kitchen.
- ♪ Stump Kitchen. ♪
- Vivek. - Hi.
- Hi.
- Alexis.
- Okay so-- - Onions.
- Yeah, you wanna-- - Like, just don't even
look at me.
- "Come do my show!" And I was like "Of course!"
and she's like let me, let us cook the number one thing
that you don't like to eat.
- I didn't know!
- I won't be testing, and I won't be cutting.
But I will be cheerleading.
- Have you always not liked onions?
- Mmm. - Oh wow, good.
- Yeah we had to buy a blender, because
you know, I like a pureed onion.
- No chunky onions.
- No chunky onion.
- You should see me in salsas
like literally dipping around the edges.
- I found a sweet potato. - Yay.
- And it looks like my stump so it's perfect, it's perfect.
- I'm glad you made that joke, not me.
(Alexis laughs)
- We're gonna make sweet potato fries.
- Do I get to eat these?
- Yes! You get to eat everything that we make.
- Just not the onion rings.
- Just not the onion rings.
- Like, I picked onions--
- It's so big, too. It's a boob.
- Damn.
Anyway, I'll let you be in charge
of all the dry ingredients.
- So you're gonna just tell me what to do.
You're gonna be like a kitchen top.
- Okay number one, we're gonna put in a cup
of brown rice flour.
- Is this already a cup?
- That is already a cup.
- Oh, it's already measured.
- We measured for you, yes.
- I feel like I'm on Regis and Kathie Lee.
Except I'm like Kathie Lee.
- I'm Regis? (laughs) - No.
- A quarter of a cup of cornmeal.
- Also measured.
Pouring, oh. I was doing a really delicate job
and then your stump came home and was like
unnecessary.
But okay, I guess it's called Stump Kitchen.
- And the last thing is a quarter cup of cornstarch.
- I'm gonna do it your way.
(Alexis laughs)
- So the reason why I picked onion rings
hashtag not knowing that this was like, you hated onions
- That's a long hashtag.
- Hashtag not knowing you don't like onion rings,
It's, I don't think that's a hashtag.
- So the reason why I picked onion rings is because
I was inspired by your incredible jewelry.
(laughs)
- That's like an insult. - What?
- How did onion rings remind you of my jewelry?
- Okay but let me tell you,
look, like your rings.
- That does not look like-- oh. I see.
Bangles, rings.
- You get the connection?
- Why didn't we make like frings instead.
- I made a call, I made a choice, and here we are.
Anyway, let's get on with the recipe.
- On with the choices. - Mm-hmm.
Great, so we have these in, now for our spices.
Oh, do you wanna guess what these are?
- Cinnamon
and nutmeg.
- In onion rings?
- Oh. (laughs loudly)
Barbecue? Vegan pepper?
- Yeah, smoked paprika, and cayenne.
- Okay.
- One teaspoon of each, about, I don't really know.
- Baking powder and salt. Sugar? Sugar.
- Yeah, right? - Plot twist.
- While you're whisking I'm gonna get the oil heated.
- How does the camera see the oil?
- We have a GoPro so hopefully that will catch it.
Spoiler alert,
didn't work.
It was in time lapse mode so I got these great photos.
(camera shutter)
(camera shutter)
(camera shutter)
(smooth jazz)
(Vivek chuckles)
(loud slapping) (Vivek exclaims)
- Sorry, that was really fucking loud.
- That was loud.
- About a teaspoon of salt maybe.
And I'll do the pepper.
- No.
- No, fuck no, you do the pepper.
(crickets chirping)
- You're never supposed to pour salt over
because if it pours excess,
you're fucked. - You've fucked up.
- See, I have tips too.
- Yes, you do. - I've cooked a meal.
- Gorgeous yes.
This is onion powder.
- Why do we need onion powder?
- I-- - Like unnecessary. See,
this is the problem with onion people.
There's onion people and non-onion people
and onion people are like let's make onion rings
and let's put onions in the batter too.
- So this is called the chicken wing technique,
I stick the thing in here, make a little chicken wing,
and do a little shake. ♪ Beep beep bee. ♪
- Well done.
- Thank you.
Alright, okay, good.
Do you think the big one or the little one?
You don't care cause you hate onions.
(laughs)
- Am I doing like slices?
- I think if you wanna do slices,
I would cut it in half first.
May I show you actually?
- You just wanna do it don't you.
- Well I just-- - You kitchen top you.
(Alexis laughs)
- Oh my gosh he's so right, look at me
I'm just like grabbing for that knife.
I'm a kitchen top.
So I'll cut it in half first
and then I would stick it on its flat end
just so it's more stable.
- I would have never done that.
- Cause like, this shit, that's dangerous
that's how you lose limbs, you know?
It's just like (laughs)
- Stop.
- So like this and then I would just kinda
work its way down, like that.
And then put it on its flat ends again
and then (clucks).
- You're sure you don't wanna coach?
- No I'm good, yeah, it's all good.
I'm cutting the onions, I just wanted you to know that.
- Okay I'm not looking that way.
- Oh when you're doing onion rings,
you don't wanna cut it down this way
you have to cut it across the middle
because you want the ring.
Oh this is a potent onion Vivek.
- I don't know why she's telling me these things.
I basically told her I had a trigger warning
and it was onion and now she's talking to me
about potent onions.
Unnecessary.
- Now okay you're on-- - Oh, God.
- Oh I'm sorry, I know, it's so bad.
- Put it in the blender at least.
(Alexis laughs)
Oh, they're like flying.
- Stick it on my stump to like separate them.
Look at that, it's great.
- Wow, it really does look like bracelets.
- Right? See? - I see it now. Finally.
- Oh my gosh, they like clear my sinuses.
We're gonna pre, we're gonna heat up the oil
to I don't know, medium-ish.
Then with your dry mix, you're gonna save
some of it in another bowl
cause we're doing some double dipping.
(burps) pardon me.
Just in case these ones don't cook as quickly
as the onions, I'll just do a couple.
- I knew that this was gonna happen.
You did a beautiful job, let me fix it.
Where's your partner?
- She's in Calgary right now.
- Does she speak to the truth of this issue?
(dramatic music) - Yes.
(laughing)
Hi Alison, you're on an episode of Stump Kitchen right now.
- [Alison] Hey everybody.
- Vivek has a really important question for you.
- Alexis asked me to do something,
cut something up,
and then she was like "what a beautiful job,
"let me fix it."
And I'm convinced that this is like
that she's like a kitchen top
I want everyone to know the truth of how you feel
about Alexis being a kitchen top.
- [Alison] I never thought of it that way
but I sus-pose, suppose I know my role.
(Vivek laughs)
- And how you feel about that? Knowing your role?
- [Alison] I had to fight to make it so that
she doesn't resent her own rule later.
Like I gotta make some nice meals,
I gotta make sure I'm getting in that top position
once in a while.
(Alexis laughs)
Ideally you just give me a lot to reflect on
and if you ask me tomorrow it's gonna be an essay.
- Okay great. I'm looking forward to the essay.
- Great, okay.
- [Alison] Bye.
- Well that's never happened before.
How are you with potatoes? They're looking awesome.
- Uh-huh.
(Alexis laughs)
- This is where the messy part comes in.
- Messy doesn't really go with my look.
- And for me it's kinda my job so (clucks) here we are.
Club soda. We're gonna use this because it gives it
a good time airy texture.
Look at the bubbles! - Oh, bubbles.
- Oh this is good. - That's good.
- I think let's start with a little bit of both.
- So you're gonna cook them together?
- No, no we're gonna cook yours first
so there's no onion crap in there for you.
- Perfect.
- That's a good choice. Okay.
So we're gonna put some of these little fries
in the dry batter.
How am I gonna get them out of that?
(crickets chirping)
Just with my hand.
- I'm a witness.
- Yeah, thank you for witnessing this.
Oh good sizzle, that's a really good sizzle.
- How are you gonna do all of these?
I don't think the system is very efficient.
- It's not. I didn't think about it
that's a good observation Vivek.
(Vivek laughs)
Okay, it's cooked. Yeah, get them outta there.
- Onion time. - Onion time!
- Bye! (Alexis laughs)
- So this is the onion holder.
♪ ding-a-ling-a-Ling ♪
♪ a-ding-a-ling-a-ling ♪
- You should just wear those.
(crickets chirping)
(introspective music)
I'm really into this.
- I'm really glad that-- oh shit this one broke.
Oh, oh, oh.
♪ Welcome to my life. ♪
- Well done. - Thank you.
- Do you think your partner is processing right now?
- Yeah.
- You're welcome.
(Vivek laughing)
Look away.
(Vivek softly singing the alphabet)
- Oh my god.
It is crispy, and it's juicy, it's tender.
It's so good.
- 'Kay I'm gonna stop talking now.
(high pitched dramatic music) Oh god! (laughs)
Thank you for being here, you're such a good pal.
I fucking love you.
You can buy Vivek's book on all the things.
- You can also get it at the library.
- You can borrow my copy.
- It might smell like onions, but.
(Alexis laughs) - It probably will.
- This was so-- - Thanks for having me,
this was actually so much fun.
- Yeah. - Like my partner messaged me,
he's like "I'm so jealous you're doing a cooking show."
Like I know, it's the best.
And the set is incredible, what you're doing is incredible.
- Thank you.
- Yeah, I'm so proud of you and just think you're,
like the way that you're combining your passions
and who you are, like it's really really beautiful.
In here next time.
- Defs, yes.
So if you haven't already done so,
I'd love it if you subscribe to Stump Kitchen
on YouTube, that would be amazing.
You can also support Stump Kitchen on Patreon.
We'll see you next time on Stump Kitchen. Bye!
(light easy listening music)
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