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Nine out of ten people watching this video
are literally doing the opposite
of what would make people want to be around them,
want to get to know them,
and fall in love with them.
By the end of this video
you will know
if you are one of those people.
I recently needed to hire an outside company
to come into my organization,
and do a big piece of work.
We whittled it down to four different organizations
that came and pitched to us
for one hour each on why they should get the job.
What happened in each of these hours
was depressing.
If you have ever been on a date without any chemistry,
a boring business meeting,
or listened to a tedious speech.
I want you to see
if my experience here
explains why.
In each of these meetings
these companies for the first thirty minutes, at least of the hour,
talked about how their business started,
who the key players were in their business,
what companies they've worked with before,
and what their process is
for working with clients.
By the end of that whole spiel,
I was bored,
frustrated,
and even a little angry,
because what I really wanted to know,
beyond all else is,
do you get me?
Do you understand my values?
Do you understand the soul of my company?
We didn't end up going with a single one of those companies.
Not because they weren't qualified,
but because they didn't connect.
See, we as human beings don't care
until we connect.
The crazy part about this
is that we've been taught
to do the exact opposite of what works.
We've been taught to put our biography first,
and then worry about connecting,
and we've been taught this since we we're kids.
At school we're taught,
walk up, shake hands, say your name,
but no one really cares about our name
when we first speak to them.
It's like going out and flirting, right?
When we think of a good moment of flirting...
Here's what we think of,
we have this fun interaction with someone,
and a couple of minutes in, when we realize we're having fun,
one person looks at the other person and says,
"What's your name?"
♫♫♫
We say that now with curiosity.
Genuine curiosity, because we care,
we're intrigued,
but when some guy comes up to you tonight
out of nowhere and says,
"Hey, I'm Mark."
We're like, "I don't care, Mark."
We don't care about the name until we care about the person.
Until we feel there's a connection.
People are taught all across the corporate world
to go into pitch meetings,
and to talk about their company.
"Here's how we started..."
"Here's our chief financial officer..."
Who cares?
We don't care until we connect.
The speech world
is filled with speeches
where people start the first five minutes of a speech with,
"Well let me just explain a little to you about my backstory, and where I started..."
Who cares?
When we get up and give a speech, the first thing we should say is,
"Here's something that will be useful to you."
By the way, once I've made you care,
then I can give you my bio,
but before that,
what does it actually matter?
If any one of those four companies
had come in, and said,
"I know you're busy, Matthew, and we're busy too."
"Let me just make sure that I understand"
"the problem you're trying to solve."
"What you really need is x, y, and z."
"Is that right?"
"Okay, cool."
"So, what you're really trying to achieve"
"is this, and this, and this."
If they had started like that,
they would have made me the star of the show.
Instead, all of them started by making them
the star of the show.
We're adults,
but we walk around life with this
very childish mindset of,
how is this about me?
How does this thing solve my problem?
How does this relate to something I know?
We put ourselves at the center of everything,
and maybe it's not childish,
maybe it's just survival,
maybe it's a practical way of being,
because it's about making sure that
we assess how everything's relevant to us.
Think about it this way,
if I'm just the average person, and you come up to me.
In that moment I care more about me,
than I do about you,
but you want me to care more about you,
than I do about me.
In order to do that
you have to start by reversing your instincts
in caring more about me, than you do about you.
Sound simple?
What that means is there is
one simple trick
that short circuits all of this.
If you wanna be important to somebody else:
Start by making them the star of the show,
and relating what ever it is
you're gonna talk about
to them and their experience.
What I'm always looking for
are the distinctions that completely transform
someone's level of personal impact,
and this video I hope is
an example of that to you where
it's something that once you know,
it seems so obvious,
and so easy to switch,
but it runs so counter to everything we've been taught.
Now, I know I'm not the only one who cares about this.
Within this giant community of people I have
who are interested in dating and relationship advice,
I know there is a kinda sub-community within it
of people who love when I talk about
anything that relates to things that can make them better in
their personal relationships,
things that can make them have more impact in business,
things that can help them grow their passions...
People love learning about how to be a master
when it comes to people and communication.
I know that many of you in that sub-community
are members of my Impact program,
and that is literally your favorite thing that I've ever done,
because it doesn't just relate to dating.
It relates to your ability to make
an impact, and persuade, and have skills with people
across the board.
Now even if you're not a member of that program,
but you're interested in this stuff.
I have something very special for you today.
I did a private closed door training
for a small group of influencers
on advanced techniques for connection,
and making an impact.
An extension of what we've been talking about here today.
For the first time ever today
I am unlocking that free training
so that anyone who is interested
in this advanced stuff
can come and learn more about it.
All you have to do is go to this link.
Check it out.
I can not wait to see what you think of this.
This is very behind the curtain.
You're gonna hear me talking about me.
You're gonna hear me talking about my company.
You're gonna hear me saying things that
I don't come to YouTube to say.
So click to watch that free training right now,
and I ask you one thing in return.
When you get there
leave me a comment letting me know
how what you're watching there
applies to your life right now,
because I wanna learn more
about the type of person that's really interested in this stuff.
I'll see you there.
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