"10 BODY LANGUAGE BLUNDERS THAT MAKE PEOPLE NOT TRUST OR LIKE YOU" Colleen Hammond
What are the subtle little things that
you do with your body that tell people
"don't trust that person"!? That's this
morning's topic on "Coffee with Colleen"!
Join us LIVE Monday-Friday at 9am Eastern at Facebook.com/ColleenMHammond! (Link in notes!)
Good morning and welcome to Coffee with
Colleen on Colleen Hammond I'm a former
on-camera meteorologist for the by the
channel during the executive image
consultant coach and mentor we're
talking about body language today I have
a very long course that I teach in body
language I think the important thing to
remember about what we're going to talk
about today and I say this all the time
so if you watch me a lot you know body
language is a sentence you just can't
pluck one word out of the sentence and
know what somebody means it's the same
thing with your body language so what
we're going to talk about today are 10
things that are pretty glaring things
that when you're in a conversation with
someone for the first time or if they
see you across the room for the first
time these are some glaring observations
that people make a gut they don't look
and say oh you know they don't identify
what you're doing that they don't like
but these are just little subtle
subconscious things that you may be
doing with your body and not even
realizing it and it tells people you're
not trustworthy you're not likable
you're you don't like them you're
arrogant all these tiny little things
yeah you good morning hey good morning
Joanne so one of the very first things
and if you people think I'm Italian
because I talk a lot with my hands it's
really hard because I run into the
microphone and then it pops up and it
pops down and that type of thing so but
one of the things to watch out for is
wild exaggerations so one of the things
that that tells people is you're
stretching the truth so if you think of
it that way you want to maintain and
it's also very threatening an aggressive
type of impression and when people are
with you that your hands are flying all
over the place
so it implies that you're stretching the
truth unless you're making a point
so if normally you keep your body
language very very minimalized and
contained and close to the body that's a
good thing and then if you're making a
point that's that's fine watch the
position of your hands though if your
hand
are if people can see the palms of your
hands they trust you and that
interesting so think about it if you're
like hey if you you know so you have to
watch the threatening this of it being
too high and but low and open and palms
of the hands tells people that you're
trustworthy so be careful with the huge
large gestures all the time so they may
do that or do you know of anybody that
does that one thing you can do that's
very effective that shows the palm of
your hand but still makes a point is a
karate chop you're making a point good
morning Kim so and the other thing don't
point now if you look at politicians
when politicians make a point they don't
they don't do this they have their hand
like so they're the fingers slightly up
but their thumb is on top of it and it's
so go ahead did that I swear his hand
was like glued like this because it's
all the time but this is one way that a
politician can make a point without
pointing Ginetta me so don't be
threatening and point with your finger
number two is how you position yourself
when you're with somebody so if if
somebody is talking and you turn even if
you want to cross your legs and there's
not enough room to cross your legs under
the table so that ever happens so you
turn to cross your legs over here you're
subconsciously cutting that person off
and telling them you want to flee what
to be away from them so you're showing
so if you're standing next to somebody
and sometimes if they get too close and
they get in your personal space you kind
of you'll subconsciously turn sideways
to block them off right if you can't
step any further back but it tells
people your unengaged you're not
interested you're uncomfortable with
them possibly you don't trust them
because it's a protective gesture where
you're protecting your your vital organs
right this is a protective that gesture
you see this a lot especially women tend
to do this more often than men is
covering their throat so if somebody
feels very threatened by you then you'll
really know it if they cover their
throat so try to be open with people and
even Leeming in being engaged we
and in their conversation than the
things that they're having to say it
this tells people that you have that
they have rather your complete focus
your attention your respect your you
know admiration you know whatever that
you're you're really engaged in the
things that they're saying so watch your
body language that you're not closing
people off the other way you can do that
is with a closed body is with the art
with the arms like this so there's more
than one way to close yourself off from
somebody so there-there could be the
closed arms the turning away that type
of thing
even if that's what you're comfortable
doing so keep an eye on that for
yourself
number three is bad posture wow this
one's powerful they really should should
have people walking around with books on
their head more again right bad posture
it's lauching says so many things good
morning Lori sorry you had a late start
this morning first of all it's a sign of
sloth it shows people that you don't
have an attention to detail you just
don't care and it's disrespectful you're
subconsciously sending the person a
message like I could care less about you
I don't even have the energy to be like
an upright mammal at this point so it's
just so disrespectful showing people
that you're bored you don't have any
desire to be where you are
so also subconsciously we kind of equate
size with power and threat but mostly
with power if you look in the animal
kingdom or you know we have new kittens
around here so it's hilarious because
they're only a couple of weeks old and
what are they doing when they kind of
history Laurie they kind of hit that
they go barely ran here they're missing
and their their claws are all still out
and then they puff up right so animals
in the wild when they want to look
appear larger and more threatening all
their hair stands out or like a puffer
fish it just kind of pops up right it
looks bigger and more threatening but
it's subconsciously it's the same thing
with us where if if a person is
taller people tend to do better because
they automatically take up more space so
it's the same thing with your posture
when you're standing up straight you're
taking up more space and it
subconsciously sends the confidence the
impression of confidence of power of
respect so in the early so you can see
my slouching is just the opposite thing
the next one up number four is shifty
eyes
you ever been people like you know what
are you looking at either they're not
looking at you or they're just kind of
looking around a lot this they think
that this is why one of the reasons the
Nixon and JFK debate presidential debate
was the first debate I believe that was
televised I'm sure you can correct me if
I'm wrong and one of the reasons that
they said that people who listened on
the radio felt that Nixon won that he
made better points he was more
presidential people who watched on
television thought that John F Kennedy
one part of the reason is because John F
Kennedy is an attractive man and quite
frankly Nixon is not and then the other
thing is whenever they did like
close-ups headshots on them Nixon's eyes
were shooting all over the place he had
these shifty eyes I said he can't be
trusted so it goes way back I mean it's
just one of those things good morning
Amy
so it looks like you have something to
hide when your eyes are not focused and
you're not engaged it shows a lack of
confidence a lack of being interested in
what the person is talking about a lack
of confidence but when you engage in eye
contact but without staring somebody
down you come across as confident you're
a leader you are intelligent you have
nothing to hide so and the eyes are the
windows to the soul right so make sure
you maintain that eye contact number
five is going to be an intense eye
contact I think we're on number five
that can be a peer to peer very
aggressive as a power struggle like
somebody's trying to dominate you and
stare you down right so too much eye
contact it can be intense and aggressive
and it breaks off
relationship it subconsciously sends a
message so and then if glancing down is
submission and you know so when you
break out I contact and if you're
looking down that says submission but if
you break on sky contact and look away
that projects more confidence so how
this is very subconscious you may not
even realize it and maybe pointing it
out will you know go hey yeah you know
good point I never even thought about it
that way but you know when somebody does
that I do feel that way number six I
think we're on watching the clock check
and watch check-in the phone all of
these are signs of disrespect impatience
in an insulated ego I don't have time
for you I'm checking to see what's my
next most important thing because right
now I need to get out away from you
right so you're anxious to leave so
anytime you're checking the clock
checking your phone checking your watch
it shows that that you want to break
away from this person that you have far
more interesting things to do number
seven aggressive nodding when you're in
a conversation with somebody and you
share a point of agreement that's a
bonding moment that's a relationship
builder so you may be excited or overly
excited that oh my gosh we agree right
and you're like oh yeah yeah yeah so
what happens is it um it sends a
dishonest impression that they don't
really agree with me they're trying to
agree with me they're trying to convince
themselves or they trying to convince me
so again a lot of this is very
subconscious but you know like are you
not insolent why are you agreeing so
much we're in a position where you just
kind of like a quick nod fantastic you
know that is a more of a bonding moment
than like having a seizure with your
head number eight is fidgeting I am
still guilty of this I am constantly
moving and fixing my clothes and my hair
and scratching my head
something someone knows I'm a huge
fidgeter and I do have to have to calm
them down when I'm in person it's not I
don't think it's quite as obvious I know
maybe it is but I am so type-a I've got
I'm just like all this energy and I'm
going I'm going I'm going
but tapping your foot tapping your
fingers playing with a pen picking at
your nails adjusting your hair
constantly this shows people you're
overly anxious you're self-conscious
you're distracted it says it's a sign of
low self-esteem especially if you're
constantly fixing you know things like
your nails or your hair or something
about your visual appearance a seizure
with your head that's right
that sends some really negative
connotation so it still be still nail
pickle take our picker says that
furrowed eyebrows who now some
temperaments do this naturally can you
guess which temperament does is
naturally scowl they generally have an
unhappy or blank expression in their
face you know they've done MRIs while
people you know so they're scanning the
brain while people observing pictures or
interacting with other people to
everything and the MRIs show that when a
person sees another person's smiling it
responds favorably to that person and it
sticks
it's a lasting impression you know first
impressions are lasting impressions but
scowling causes people to feel like
you're judging them so when you see
somebody that's scowling you immediately
think they're judging you yeah those
fidgets spinners earned I've just seen
those Johanne scowling shows that you're
upset by the people around you and it
may have nothing to do with your mood
but it just sends like a cloud of like
that what was a Charlie Brown character
that always had the dark cloud over his
head was that Linus it kind of sends
that impression that's like whew avoid
that person but smiling instantly bond
you with another person open your
trustworthy I've told the story before
about when I got out of the car to run
in to check my p.o box
it was out of my car for like 27 seconds
and I saw a woman sitting there in the
parking lot and I thought she doesn't
belong here there's something not right
and she smiled at me and it disarmed me
I ran in grabbed my mail came back out
she had stolen my purse out of my car
because I like a fool did not lock my
car because I am in the country and I
knew I was going to be out of the car
for 27 seconds so smiling says that
you're open you're trustworthy you're
honest and it binds people to your
inches instantly because they think
you're friendly even though you're going
to rip them off all right number
whatever run we can shakes about we have
frequently checking the phones nail
picker seizure with your head fidget
centers yeah ping pad that's the one
thank you during the B's we can shake I
have a whole thing that I do I should
put a link to the article I wrote on
handshakes but real briefly a weak match
their grip you don't want to be a bone
crusher and you don't want to be just
like a dead fish right so you want to
match their grip whatever their grip is
and I can go on and on about handshakes
but an overly aggressive handshake it is
just a bad thing good morning Tina and
just make sure you have a firm handshake
and that you match their grip I'm
getting too close I don't like when
people invade my space and in Europe
their space bubbles are smaller than
ours so people naturally stand closer to
each other in Europe than they do here
in the States
I have a mint Australia so I can't say
for sure but is Vicky here I don't see
Vicky so she could tell us but it makes
me feel uncomfortable when you're in
their personal space when you you've
breached their bubble so it's about 18
inches 18 to 24 inches in the United
States is just as close as you can get
right so just when when you're in
somebody else's space it's a sign of
aggression it's a show of lack of
respect makes people uncomfortable
around you so be careful with those
things so all of these blunders will
very subtle
especially if they're combined with each
other if you have a weak handshake
overly aggressive nods in our in
somebody space it's like a wool baby and
then you add halitosis to that and it
just kind of seals the deal that you
know nobody likes you so watch those
wild gestures make sure you keep
yourself open and and engaged fully
engage squared off with somebody don't
turn away don't close your body off
those types of things watch your posture
make sure that you're standing up nice
and tall and straight and better for
your health and your organs as well
watch your eye contact make sure you
don't have that shifty eye thing and
don't be like the person that stares
somebody else down don't be like the
creepy you know person that kind of
stares into someone's eyes watch
watching the clock is a bad thing so
maintain eye contact without being
creepy if you're going to break eye
contact you look sideways or up unless
you want to appear submissive and then
you look down it's very demure so be
careful about watching the clock
checking your phone those types of
things just shows people that you're
unengaged and disrespectful the
aggressive nodding thing you know it
looks like you're having a seizure too
many fidgeting too much fidgeting too
much moving around that type of thing
shows people that you're super anxious
you're self-conscious that you're hiding
something and you just don't you're
trying to hide it you don't want people
to see it
furrowed eyebrows so make sure you're
open your faces open your eyebrows are
up if you are an eyebrow furrow or
practice setting sometimes when people
make a good point you go oh yeah and you
naturally like make that furrowed
eyebrows thing so if that's something
that you do make a sub kind of make a
conscious effort of if somebody makes a
good point instead of furling widening
your eyes good point
instead of Foods good point ah good
points more of a smiling type gesture
with your face and more friendly
trustworthy more competent watch the
handshakes and be careful about people's
personal space don't get in their bubble
so hopefully these were helpful to you
if you're watching on YouTube make sure
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York time that's 9 a.m. Eastern which is
currently I believe it is to 2 p.m. in
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have an amazing weekend this is the
weekend for us and if you're around life
stick around because we'll continue the
conversation otherwise we'll see you
next time
thanks
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