Youtube daily here Jan 26 2018

Treat Inflammation Or Hormone Imbalance With This Thyroid-Boosting Juice! Here's How

To Prepare It!

The thyroid gland represents an organ that has the shape of a butterfly and is located

at the neck's base. It is responsible for producing and releasing hormones that regulate

the metabolism, as well as the different functions of the body. Some of them are the following:

Breathing Skin integrity

Body weight Heart rate

Strength of the muscles Temperature of the body

Peripheral and central nervous system Menstruation

Levels of cholesterol Functioning Of The Thyroid Gland

The thyroid gland forms part of the endocrine system, which is a system that is composed

of glands that are responsible for producing, storing, and releasing hormones in the blood,

thus enabling them to get to the cells of the body. This small gland uses the iodine

from food sources in order to produce Triiodothyronine, or T3, and Thyroxine, or T4.

The hypothalamus is accountable for producing TSH, which is a hormone that sends signals

to the pituitary gland to tell the thyroid gland to produce more or less of T3 and T4.

In simpler words, it encourages the communication between these two glands to keep T3 and T4

balance.

Therefore, when the levels of T3 and T4 become low in the blood, the pituitary gland starts

producing more THS in order to boost the production of more thyroid hormones. On the other hand,

in case these levels are high, the pituitary gland starts releasing less TSH to the thyroid,

thus decelerating the production of thyroid hormones.

Hypothyroidism is the most commonly occurring thyroid condition, which results from insufficient

amounts of T3 and T4 present in the body. The most commonly encountered symptoms of

this condition are the following: Depression

Dry hair and skin Being sensitive to cold temperatures

Having trouble sleeping Feeling tired and fatigued

Heavy, frequent periods Pains in the joints

Hyperthyroidism is another commonly occurring and harmful condition, which appears as a

consequence of an overactive thyroid. The commonly encountered symptoms are the following:

Loss of hair Anxiety

Moodiness and irritability Trembling of the hands

Light or missed menstrual periods Hyperactivity, nervousness

Sweating or level of sensitivity to heats Medicines, oral radioactive iodine, as well

as surgery are the most commonly used methods for treating hyperthyroidism. It can be extremely

difficult to target these treatments towards the thyroid gland, and the risk of secreting

inappropriate amounts of some hormones and decreasing the functioning of the thyroid

is increased. The positive thing is that an all-natural method exists for nurturing the

thyroid gland and increasing its function to a healthy level. Take a look at it below!

How Is This Recipe Going To Help Your Thyroid Gland?

Cranberries are rich in iodine, which is a mineral of great importance for the health

of the thyroid gland due to the fact that thyroid hormones are composed of iodine.

Vitamin C present in orange and lemon juice is abundant in anti-oxidants that stimulate

the optimal health of the thyroid gland. Ginger is a powerful source of magnesium,

which is a mineral that has been shown to do wonders when it comes to regulating thyroid

illness. Cinnamon represents a powerful anti-inflammatory

agent that has the ability to reduce the risk of development of hypothyroidism.

Cranberry Juice For Boosting The Thyroid Gland

Ingredients:

1 cup 100% cranberry juice 7 cups spring or filtered water

¾ tablespoon of freshly squeezed orange juice ¼ tablespoon of freshly squeezed lemon juice

½ tablespoon of Ceylon cinnamon ¼ tablespoon of dry ginger

¼ tablespoon of nutmeg Preparation:

Start by heating the water till it starts boiling.

Then, add the cranberry juices and all the spices.

Keep simmering for approximately 20 minutes and take it away from the heat.

Leave it to cool off. Add the orange and lemon juice.

Consume it throughout the day.

For more infomation >> Treat Inflammation Or Hormone Imbalance With This Thyroid-Boosting Juice! Here's How To Prepare It! - Duration: 4:48.

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CBC NL Here & Now Thursdayy January 25 2018 - Duration: 1:02:52.

For more infomation >> CBC NL Here & Now Thursdayy January 25 2018 - Duration: 1:02:52.

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║Peter x Peter | 𝘙𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘏𝘦𝘳𝘦║ - Duration: 0:58.

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Here We Have 5 Signs To Overcome The Potassium Which You Donot Getting Properly - Duration: 4:29.

When we get sick our bodies lose essential vitamins and

minerals the depletion of these minerals can prolong our illness and often worse

in our condition through stomach viruses and the flu we can also lose

electrolytes substances that become ions when in a solution

the most common electrolytes in our bodies are sodium potassium and chloride

an electrolyte imbalance affects vital organs like our kidneys heart and lungs

specifically a lack of potassium can be a result of diarrhea vomiting medication

or a poor diet you might have low potassium levels if you experience any

of these five issues one water retention a lack of potassium can result in high

sodium levels since potassium helps regulate the amount of salt in our

bodies if you don't get enough potassium in your diet you might feel like you're

constantly retaining fluids and added side effect to this issue is high blood

pressure to digestive problems low potassium levels can specifically lead

to difficult bowel movements gas and constipation may mean our sodium levels

aren't properly balanced make sure you consume enough potassium to maintain

your digestive system running smoothly three nerve issues potassium is

responsible for a significant portion of the well-being of our nerves when we

don't get enough potassium we often experience a tingling sensation in our

extremities numbness is also associated with low potassium for heart

irregularities potassium like the other electrolytes affect our body's ability

to conduct electricity since our heart beats according to electric impulses

when we lose the ability to conduct electricity due to low potassium levels

the rhythm that our heart beats too can be altered when we lack potassium our

heart can begin to flutter and palpitate v lethargy your body needs potassium to

operate properly and when you get sick and lose important electoral

you often feel rundown and lethargic general weakness is a sign of low

potassium levels so if you discover that you're constantly battling with one or

more of these problems try supplementing your diet with foods that will boost

your potassium levels and get you back on track to better health

one fruits fruits like pomegranates apricots and avocados are perfect for

anyone who locks potassium pomegranates great for both their seeds and the tasty

juice are a great way to get more potassium containing over 650 milligrams

of potassium a whole pomegranate can give you other important vitamins as

well apricots especially the dried ones work to boost your potassium levels and

help keep your weight in check only half a cup of dried apricots can provide you

with almost 800 milligrams of potassium last on our list of potassium rich

fruits is a fruit that's high in healthy fats rather than carbohydrates the

avocado contains over 1,000 milligrams of potassium making it a true superfood

with a powerful punch to coconut water potassium not only comes in a solid but

also in a liquid form natural coconut water packs a hefty amount of potassium

clocking in at 600 milligrams per cup make sure that the brand you choose

doesn't have any added preservatives or sugars three spinach Popeyes favorite

vegetable kept him strong and healthy and gave him an added boost of energy

although it's a cartoon the lesson carries over to real life spinach

contains high amounts of potassium and tastes great either raw in a mixed salad

or cooked for sweet potato the orange sweet potato is not just high in

potassium at around 850 milligrams its color makes it high in beta carotene

and vitamin C sweet potatoes also taste great and are better for you than normal

white potatoes.

For more infomation >> Here We Have 5 Signs To Overcome The Potassium Which You Donot Getting Properly - Duration: 4:29.

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'Taste Of The NFL' Got Its Start Here In '92 - Duration: 4:20.

For more infomation >> 'Taste Of The NFL' Got Its Start Here In '92 - Duration: 4:20.

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Chicago Fire - Here with You (Episode Highlight) - Duration: 2:27.

For more infomation >> Chicago Fire - Here with You (Episode Highlight) - Duration: 2:27.

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Here's All The Naughty Content In Final Fantasy VII - Duration: 6:59.

Final Fantasy VII marked many changes for the Final Fantasy series.

It was the first title to utilise 3D graphics, the first title to use pre-rendered background

and even the first title in the main series to be released in Europe.

It was also the first game in the series to be released for a non-Nintendo system, with

all previous games being released for either the NES, SNES or Game Boy.

Going along with the change in systems, Final Fantasy VII decided to take a much more mature

approach than previous games.

It was also the first time the game was allowed to be uncensored outside of Japan, with the

previous games falling foul of Nintendo of America's strict "family friendly policy"

of the time and requiring various changes.

This led to the title being rated Teen by North America's ESRB rating system, with the

content descriptors" Violence, Blood, Sexual Themes, Partial Nudity, Language, Crude Humour

and Use of Alcohol and Tobacco" And so, this video will take a look at the

game and some examples of the types of content that led to this rating.

To begin with Use of Alcohol and Tobacco - Unlike previous games, where bars would be

changed to things like cafes outside of Japan, Final Fantasy VII featured numerous bars where

the player and NPCs could consume alcoholic drinks.

AVALANCHE's headquarters, the organisation that hero Cloud teams up with at the start

of the game, is even based underneath Tifa's and Barret's bar.

Cloud can also sit at the bar and ask Tifa for "something hard" to drink.

Another example is the bar in the Asian-themed village Wutai.

Here you can find the Turk members on vacation and they will talk about you disturbing them

and it ruining the booze.

As for smoking, a big example of this is the chain smoking party member Cid Highwind.

Cid will be constantly depicted smoking in battles, with a small cigarette never leaving

his mouth.

One of his special limit breaks will even depict him lighting a stick of dynamite with

the lit cigarette and then tossing it at the enemy.

Alongside this the FMVs, which were for the time extremely graphically impressive, will

show him smoking too.

However, Cid isn't just a big smoker but also a big swearer.

And so, with that we'll move to Final Fantasy VII's bad language.

Final Fantasy VII will often feature characters letting off bad words, although, normally

these will be censored out with punctuation marks.

However, certain words such as "ass" and "goddamn" will be left uncensored and these will appear

many times throughout the game.

Depending on what version of the game you're playing as well, you will also be able to

find various uses of the word "shit".

In the original PlayStation release, characters will let out the 4 lettered word, including

in the ending.

For some reason though, instances of the word were later censored in later releases and

replaced with punctuation marks and this is despite the first PlayStation releases still

being rated Teen.

Next up though is blood and violence - something that Final Fantasy VII definitely cranked

up a lot for the series first 3D outing.

Blood will be shown in many scenes, one of the most memorable being when you follow a

trail of blood across multiple floors of Shinra's headquarters.

Here you traverse across 3 huge floors of the building, which are completely covered

in blood.

Another scene from early on in the game that's sure to have left an impression on players

is when you see what Sephiroth does to the gigantic snake monster, the Midgar Zolom.

The scene depicts the snake being impaled by a large tree, and considering most players

would have only just fled from the snake prior to this, it does a good job a setting Sephiroth

up as being a formidable opponent.

You will be able to see blood stained textures in other locations such as the Gold Saucer's

pit to Corel Prison, which is a large metal pit in the floor with the phrase "gateway

to heaven" around it.

There's also the boss fight with Sephiroth himself, which shows his face drenched in

blood.

The general violence can also be rather graphic at times too, even when no blood is shown.

Many deaths will be shown onscreen - a few examples including the Shinra president being

impaled by Sephiroth's sword, a large number of innocent people being shot dead at the

Gold Saucer and, of course, a certain famous scene.

Final Fantasy VII's Teen-rated content doesn't end there though, as we'll now move onto by

taking a look at the game's suggestive themes.

Firstly, when talking about "suggestive themes" there's one element of the game that definitely

can't be ignored and that's the whole Wall Market section.

In the sector 6 slums of Midgar is a location called Wall Market, which is a little, village

sort of area full of shops and other activities.

However, Wall Market also has some much darker sides to it and this is something that you

will have to explore when progressing through the story.

This section will see you having to disguise Cloud as a girl to infiltrate Don Corneo's

mansion.

He needs to be a woman, due to Cornea being a very lecherous male, who has three females

brought to him every night and then picks one to be what he calls his "bride".

Needless to say, a lot of the dialogue in these sections will be quite suggestive, with

lots of suggestive comments being directed towards Cloud and the girls.

It also all culminates into Cloud and the other characters revealing their true identities

and then threatening Corneo with chopping, ripping and smashing "them" off....

"them" being a euphemism for those things between his legs.

One section of the quest to disguise Cloud as a woman will also see you visiting a brothel,

where things get even more suggestive...

For example, an event that will occur here is Cloud being "entertained" by a dozen middle

aged men in shorts.

To receive an item for the quest, he ends up taking a bath with the guys and having

to put up with them trying to hit on him.

The item he then finally receives from them is some underwear.

There's much more that goes on here and, in fact, in early builds of the game, the brothel

area was going to be even more suggestive.

However, at some point before release, the developers felt that they had taken things

too far and it would be better toned down.

To move away from Wall Market though and onto some of the game's other suggestive themes

- One thing to bring up would be the character

design for Tifa, one of the main characters and party members, who wears a short skirt

and is very well endowed.

You can even trigger a scene where another character will call her the name "boobs".

There's also a scene where you can visit her bedroom and pick up what is described as "Orthopedic

Underwear" from her drawers.

Other somewhat provocative scenes includes Hojo revealing that he plans to breed Aeris,

so they can perform research for a long time.

This is then followed by a scene which seems to suggest that Hojo was trying to force Aeris,

a female human, and Red XIII, a wolf-like beast, to mate.

As per usual in the Final Fantasy series, the character design of the Shiva summon will

also be quite suggestive.

So will the designs of some of the enemies, such as Snow, a humanoid ice-themed enemy.

She can also blow kisses at the party and inflict them with the confusion status effect.

Jenova's various appearances throughout the game could also be seen as suggestive, with

them normally depicting a deformed humanoid female torso.

And to finish there's the design of the party's airship, the Highwind, which has a painting

of a women in a bikini along its side.

There's of course more examples than these, with the game being 50 to 100 hours long and

having many things to do and see, but this should be a pretty good guide for the types

of content that the game has that led to its Teen rating.

It isn't known yet just how much of this is going to carry forward to the upcoming Final

Fantasy VII Remake, but this is something that's definitely going to be interesting

to see and to see what rating it receives in the process.

Do you agree with Final Fantasy VII's Teen rating?

What scenes are you looking forward to seeing in the remake?

Let us know in the comments below and, until next time, thank you for watching.

For more infomation >> Here's All The Naughty Content In Final Fantasy VII - Duration: 6:59.

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Here's why restoring power in Puerto Rico is taking so long - Duration: 7:33.

JUDY WOODRUFF: It's hard to fully comprehend, but more than four months since hurricanes

swept through the Caribbean, about half of Puerto Ricans remain without electricity.

This week, Governor Ricardo Rossello announced the island's public energy monopoly would

be sold off to private companies following a series of scandals.

In the first of two reports from Puerto Rico, special correspondent Monica Villamizar looks

at what's behind the delay in restoring power and how people are coping.

MONICA VILLAMIZAR: When Hurricane Maria struck in September, fires broke out and victims

had to run to the station to inform firefighter Ronald Vega and his colleagues.

There was no way to dial 911.

This fire station in the eastern town of Naguabo is now functioning normally.

But at Ronald Vega's home nearby, there is no electricity.

He uses a generator at night and relies on emergency food aid.

The signs of water damage still loom above his head.

RONALD VEGA, Firefighter (through translator): It's not easy.

It's such a tough situation.

I'm paying at least $15 a day for the fuel of my generator during the week.

That's every day.

MONICA VILLAMIZAR: As a firefighter, Vega makes less than $20,000 a year.

Before the storm he was already supplementing his income with part-time work at Walgreens.

Four months after the storm, about 450,000 of the 1.5 million electricity customers are

without service.

Blackouts occur regularly our hours at a time, even in San Juan.

Outside the capital, destruction remains.

In Salinas, home to the island's largest power plant, Barber Julio Ortiz set up shop at a

ruined gas station.

It took him three months to find an inverter to connect his razors to the car battery.

MAN (through translator) People have to survive one way or another.

I have to make it happen somehow because, you know, money doesn't grow on trees.

MONICA VILLAMIZAR: The response here remains an emergency.

The U.S. Army Corps of Engineers coordinates repairs by private contractors using dollars

from FEMA, the Federal Emergency Management Agency.

WOMAN: We're standing at the lay-down yard where all of our large items come into.

MONICA VILLAMIZAR: The Army Corps oversees materials distributed across the island, but

under the federal Stafford Act, FEMA is only allowed to restore infrastructure exactly

as it was before a disaster.

In some cases, materials in Puerto Rico were so outdated that the Corps had to get them

made especially for the island, furthering delays.

COL.

JOHN LLOYD, Army Corps of Engineers: It really doesn't allow us to do more resilient or hardening

work that made that Puerto Rico's grid definitely needs.

MONICA VILLAMIZAR: Colonel John Lloyd directs the Army Corps' operation from the headquarters

of the electricity utility.

What's the point of restoring it to something old and essentially in bad shape?

COL.

JOHN LLOYD: The work that we are doing does -- it brings it up to code, and in many cases

the grid wasn't to current code.

MONICA VILLAMIZAR: And when do you think everybody will have power again?

COL.

JOHN LLOYD: We will slowly get more customers online.

I think by the middle of March, end of March, we're going to see the majority of customers

with power.

MONICA VILLAMIZAR: Many people have accused Puerto Rico's only electric utility company,

PREPA, of being corrupt and wasteful.

Before the storm, PREPA was bankrupt, and it saved money by cutting down on important

maintenance.

After the storm, PREPA contracted Whitefish, a small, Montana-based firm, for repairs it

could not complete.

The contract was canceled, but PREPA still has to pay Whitefish more than $100 million

for work done.

And then this week, the Puerto Rican governor announced that PREPA will be privatized over

the next 18 months.

GOV.

RICARDO ROSSELLO, Puerto Rico (through translator): The process will begin for PREPA assets to

be sold to companies who will transform the generation system into a modern, efficient,

and less expensive one for the people.

MONICA VILLAMIZAR: The privatization is not expected to affect the repair schedule.

About 80 percent of electrical infrastructure was destroyed.

PREPA told us that restoring power everyone on the island, not just the majority, is expected

to take at least until May, eight months after Hurricane Maria.

Houses across the countryside are lined with blue tarp on their roofs.

But not everyone is waiting for outside help to move forward with repairs.

ARTURO MASSOL DEYA, Casa Pueblo: We don't depend upon the grid to supply the needs of

Casa Pueblo.

MONICA VILLAMIZAR: Arturo Massol Deya is the head of Casa Pueblo, an environmental organization

in Adjuntas.

This local community center has been running on solar energy since 1999.

The sun powers everything, from industrial coffee grinders to medicine refrigerators,

as well as radio station.

ARTURO MASSOL DEYA: Lighting was a critical thing.

And it was a way to teach people how inexpensive, easy it is to embrace renewable energy sources

like the sun, in which you are less vulnerable, because the capture of the energy and the

utilization of the energy is at the point of consumption.

MONICA VILLAMIZAR: Casa Pueblo is technically still connected to the grid.

But it creates so much power that it can send it back into the system.

The Puerto Rican government still hasn't approved regulations for people to provide power to

the grid with solar.

In addition to the costs of infrastructure, that's one more barrier to making alternative

energy widespread.

The government does plan to increase renewable power from only a small amount to 30 percent

of the island's energy, so it can be more prepared for the next hurricane.

This place became a very important power source for the entire community after the hurricane.

People were coming here to charge their phones and get solar lamps and refrigerators.

And the radio station never stopped broadcasting, because it runs on solar power.

It's a community station where people call in to request their favorite salsa songs and

make dedications to friends and family.

In the hills around his town, Arturo has installed solar power systems to connect vulnerable

people isolated from the power network.

Jonathan is disabled, living with his grandmother, Luz Leida Plaza.

With solar, they have lights and power for their phones and a tiny fridge for medicine.

The same system powers a neighbor's dialysis machine.

LUZ LEIDA PLAZA, Adjuntas (through translator): Before they had a solar system, my neighbor

told me he had to connect his mother's machine to a car battery all night.

MONICA VILLAMIZAR: It's a familiar story to Ronald Vega.

RONALD VEGA (through translator): In some places, they are fighting, fighting to get

electricity.

People in many villages say they feel that they have simply been forgotten.

And that's because, in many places, they are still without power and lights, and it's been

more than 116 days.

MONICA VILLAMIZAR: And like Casa Pueblo, his fire station is now prepared.

Thanks to a solar power system brought to the island by Las Vegas firefighters, they

are strong enough to weather the next hurricane.

For the "PBS NewsHour," I'm Monica Villamizar in Puerto Rico.

JUDY WOODRUFF: And in the coming days, we will continue our series After the Storms

with additional reports from Puerto Rico and from Texas.

For more infomation >> Here's why restoring power in Puerto Rico is taking so long - Duration: 7:33.

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BREAKING Multiple Gunmen Just Stormed WORLD FAMOUS Hotel… Here's What We Know - BreakingNews24 - Duration: 28:29.

BREAKING Multiple Gunmen Just Stormed WORLD FAMOUS Hotel…

Here's What We Know

A group of as many as four gunmen stormed the world famous western style Intercontinental

Hotel in the Afghan capital Kabul on Saturday night, seizing hostages and exchanging fire

with security forces as the building caught fire as residents and staff frantically fled

the scene.

Hotel manager Ahmad Haris Nayab, who managed to escape unhurt, said the attackers had managed

to get inside and people were fleeing amid bursts of gunfire on all sides, but he had

no information about any casualties, Reuters reports.

Afghan interior ministry spokesman Najib Danish said details of the raid, which came days

after a U.S. embassy warning of possible attacks on hotels in the capital, were unclear.

He said the attackers, who entered through a kitchen, appeared to have included suicide

bombers.

A government spokesman said special forces were on the scene battling the attackers,

killing at least one of them.

"Security forces are going floor-to-floor in that hotel, trying to flush out those attackers,"

Al Jazeera's Jennifer Glasse, reporting from Kabul, said.

Reuters reported that there was no immediate claim of responsibility for the attack, the

latest in a long series to have hit Kabul.

U.S. officials in Kabul told Fox News that based on initial reports there were no U.S.

troops or civilians hurt in the attack.

"We are aware of the fire and developing security situation at the Intercontinental

Hotel in Kabul," Capt. Tom Gresback, a U.S. military spokesman in Kabul, said.

"Afghan National Defense and Security Forces are leading the response efforts.

According to initial reports, no Resolute Support or USFOR-A members were injured in

this incident."

Local media reported "insurgents" had entered the building and were holding people

hostage.

TOLONews reported heavy gunfire was ongoing.

An official at the Afghan spy agency told Agence France Presse that the attackers were

"shooting at guests."

A guest hiding in his room in the hotel told AFP he could hear gunfire.

"I don't know if the attackers are inside the hotel but I can hear gunfire from somewhere

near the first floor," he said without giving his name.

"We are hiding in our rooms.

I beg the security forces to rescue us as soon as possible before they reach and kill

us."

According to one witness, who did not want to be quoted by name, the attackers took some

hotel staff and guests hostage but there was no immediate claim of responsibility for the

latest in a long series of attacks to hit Kabul.

This is an ongoing situation- we will keep you updated as more details come in.

For more infomation >> BREAKING Multiple Gunmen Just Stormed WORLD FAMOUS Hotel… Here's What We Know - BreakingNews24 - Duration: 28:29.

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Puzzle Box 3.0 Is Here! | Brick X Brick - Duration: 32:58.

For more infomation >> Puzzle Box 3.0 Is Here! | Brick X Brick - Duration: 32:58.

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Lets Start Grinding!!!! LR Vegito Here we Come!!! | Come & Hang!! | Dragon Ball Z: Dokkan Battle - Duration: 1:41:18.

For more infomation >> Lets Start Grinding!!!! LR Vegito Here we Come!!! | Come & Hang!! | Dragon Ball Z: Dokkan Battle - Duration: 1:41:18.

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Stephen's Covetton House Meets Gwyneth Paltrow's Goop - Duration: 8:33.

For more infomation >> Stephen's Covetton House Meets Gwyneth Paltrow's Goop - Duration: 8:33.

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Oprah Finally Anwsers The 'Running For President' Question - Duration: 7:27.

DURING THE GOLDEN GLOBES, OPRAH

WINFREY GAVE A SPEECH THAT HINTED THAT SHE COULD BE

POSSIBLY CONSIDERING A PRESIDENTIAL RUN.

SHE NEVER

ADDRESSED ANY OF THOSE RUMORS UNTIL NOW.

SHE GAVE AN

INTERVIEW TO IN STYLE AND DURING THAT INTERVIEW, SHE ESSENTIALLY

SAID THAT SHE IS NOT PLANNING ON RUNNING, ALTHOUGH I DO THINK

THAT SHE WAS, THIS IS MY SPECULATION, CONSIDERING RUNNING

AND SHE WAS JUST KIND OF FEELING OUT WHAT THE RESPONSE WOULD BE

AFTER HER SPEECH AND THEN SHE MADE HER DECISION.

THAT IS MY

SPECULATION BUT LET ME GIVE YOU HER EXACT QUOTE.

SHE TOLD IN

STYLE:

SHE WAS ALSO QUOTED AS SAYING IT IS NOT IN HER DNA.

THAT IS A WEIRD QUOTE.

I THINK IT COULD BE IN ANYONE'S DNA.

I

WAS REALLY INTERESTED TO SEE WHAT THE REACTION COULD BE THERE

POSSIBLY RUNNING AND IT IS AMAZING HOW QUICKLY THE SMEAR

CAMPAIGN SAID STARTED.

I SAW SOME OF THEM ON FACEBOOK AND

THEY WERE RIDICULOUS.

THERE WAS THIS VIDEO SNIPPET OF HER GOING

VIRAL ON FACEBOOK AND SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT WHAT SOUTH AFRICA

IS LIKE POSTAPARTHEID AND WHAT IT WOULD TAKE FOR RACISM TO

REALLY BE CONQUERED IN SOUTH AFRICA.

SHE TALKED ABOUT HOW

THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE WHO WERE BORN AND RAISED IN THAT TYPE OF

ENVIRONMENT.

THEY WERE MARINATED IN IT, AND THEY JUST NEED TO

DIE.

THAT WASN'T THE BEST WAY TO SAY IT, BUT WHAT SHE

ESSENTIALLY MEANT WAS THE PEOPLE WHO WERE BORN AND RAISED IN

THAT TYPE OF ENVIRONMENT REALLY BOUGHT INTO IT, THEY KIND

OF NEED TO PASS ON.

WE NEED NEWER GENERATIONS WITH OPEN MINDS.

THAT IS NOT AS HE SAID IT, SHE SAID THEY NEED TO DIE SO

PEOPLE WHO DO NOT WANT HER TO WIN TOOK THAT SNIPPET AND

MADE IT SEEM LIKE SHE WAS SAYING SHE WANTS WHITE PEOPLE TOÖ.

SOMETIMES PEOPLE WILL THINK THAT THIS IS CONSPIRATORIAL.

ANYONE WHO HAS EVER WORKED ON ANY CAMPAIGN, WE TALKED A LOT

ABOUT THIS ON OLD-SCHOOL LAST NIGHT.

TYTNETWORK.COM/JOIN.

BECOME A MEMBER, GET ALL OF OUR SHOWS INCLUDING OLD-SCHOOL.

IT IS NOT CONSPIRACY.

ANYONE WHO IS WORKED ON A CAMPAIGN, YOU KNOW THAT IF

IT IS A LARGE CAMPAIGN THERE IS A DIVISION CALLED OPERA

RESEARCH AND THEY GO FIND CLIPS LIKE THAT.

WHY WOULD THEY DO THAT ON OPRAH?

BECAUSE SHE IS SITTING ON A 64% POPULARITY.

THEY DON'T WANT ANY

PIECE OF HER.

I ACTUALLY DON'T THINK DEMOCRATIC

VOTERS ARE AS ENAMORED WITH CELEBRITIES AS REPUBLICANS ARE.

ALL REPUBLICANS CARE ABOUT ARE CELEBRITIES.

RONALD REAGAN,

DONALD TRUMP, ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER, THEY'RE LIKE IF

ANY HOLLYWOOD

CELEBRITY IS A REPUBLICAN WE WILL ELECT YOU RIGHT AWAY.

THEY

ARE NOT THAT BRIGHT SO THEY JUST GO FOR WHO'S ON TV.

DEMOCRATS

ON THE OTHER HAND, ESPECIALLY PEOPLE LIKE BERNIE SANDERS

SUPPORTERS, OPRAH IS A GOOD PERSON AND HAS DONE GOOD THINGS

IN THE WORLD.

YOU DON'T DISMISS HER OUT OF HAND BUT SHE WOULD

REALLY HAVE TO WIN PEOPLE OVER.

TO KIND OF ADD SOME MORE SUPPORTS YOUR ARGUMENT, WHAT I

SAW FROM A LOT OF DEMOCRATIC VOTERS WAS CRITICISM TOWARD HER

POLITICAL INEXPERIENCE.

SHE IS NOT VERY EXPERIENCED

POLITICALLY.

SHE HAS CONTRIBUTED TO CAMPAIGNS BUT IT

KIND OF ENDS THERE.

SHE IS ALSO A CELEBRITY.

THAT IS NOT GOOD

ENOUGH.

IT'S NOT THE RIGHT CREDENTIAL TO BECOMING THE NEXT

PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES AND THE PEOPLE WHO WERE

WORKING ABOUT THE HILLARY TYPES ARE CONCERNED BECAUSE SHE

DID SUPPORT HILLARY'S CAMPAIGN AND ALL OF THAT.

DEMOCRATS WEREN'T BUYING THAT AS MUCH AS I THINK PEOPLE

WOULD EXPECT A.

BUT THE REPUBLICANS ON TRUMP'S TEAM WOULD BE PANICKED

ANYWAY BECAUSE ONE, THEY DON'T KNOW THAT.

THEY SEE HER A 64%

APPROVAL RATING AND THEY GO MY GOD, OP OH RESEARCH IMMEDIATELY.

WAS THAT PART OF HER CALCULATION, WE HAVE NO IDEABUT

ANYONE WHO THINKS ABOUT GOING INTO POLITICS, IF THEY HAVE A

CHANCE OF WINNING WILL GET HIT WITH A TON OF RESEARCH AND IT

MAKES THEM GUNSHOT BECAUSE IT IS DIRTY.

THAT'S NOT EVEN THE

ESTABLISHMENT DEMOCRATS.

THINK IN A PRIMARY THEY WOULDN'T HAVE GONE AFTER HER?

OF COURSE.

SHE'S A GOOD PERSON, WE CAN'T GO AFTER HER.

NO, THEY'RE GOING TO LEAK STUFF ALL OVER TO THE PRESS THAT.

MAYBE, BUT I GET THE SENSE THAT ESTABLISHMENT

DEMOCRATS ARE MORE IN FAVOR OF HER DUCK.

OVERALL, YEAH.

YOU KNOW WHY CLUSTER SHE'S A HUGE DEMOCRATIC

DONOR.

SHE'S THE ONE THEY SERVE IN A SENSE.

BUT IF YOU ARE

RUNNING A RACE AGAINST HER, THEY ARE NOT GOING TO BE LIKE OH

WELL, PLEASE, I AM JUST GOING TO LET YOU WIN.

THE ONLY ONE WHO

WOULDN'T DO OP RESEARCH AND IT DRIVES ME CRAZY, HE SHOULD, IS

BERNIE.

CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT.

I'M GOING TO UNDERMINE OPRAH.

I

CAN'T IMAGINE IT.

I GET IT.

SHE SAYS IT IS NOT IN MY DNA AS

AND I DON'T THINK I AM CUT OUT FOR THIS.

THIS IS NOT WHAT I

WANT TO DO BUT WHEN SHE SAYS THAT SHE WASN'T INTERESTED IN

IT, NO.

STEDMAN GRAHAM, HER LONGTIME PARTNER DIDN'T TELL THE

LA TIMES SHE'S INTERESTED IN IT BECAUSE SHE WASN'T. SHE DIDN'T

MEET WITH A GUY WHO RUNS CAMPAIGNS BY HER OWN ADMISSION

BECAUSE SHE WASN'T INTERESTED IN IT THAT SHE WAS INTERESTED AND

THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT.

ANYONE WHO HAS SOME SHOT AT

BECOMING PRESIDENT, THE MOST POWERFUL PERSON ON EARTH, COULD

DO A LOT OF GOOD IN CHANGE, I THINK IT IS PERFECTLY NORMAL TO

BE INTERESTED IN THAT.

IT LOOKS LIKE SHE THOUGHT ABOUT IT, DID

SOME DELIBERATIONS AND THOUGHT IT'S NOT FOR ME.

I THINK SHE MADE THE RIGHT DECISION BUT SHE DOES REMIND ME

OF A LOT OF SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE.

SHE IS NEVER SATISFIED.

SHE HAS

HAD SUCH A SUCCESSFUL CAREER, MADE A TON OF MONEY.

SHE GREW

UP IN POVERTY AND SOMEHOW MANAGED TO BE ONE OF THE RICHEST

PEOPLE IN THE WORLD.

BUT I WOULD SAY, WHY DON'T YOU JUST

ENJOY YOUR WEALTH, TAKE A LOAD OFF, HAVE SOME FUN BUT NO, SHE

IS NOT SATISFIED.

SHE WAS CONSIDERING IT BECAUSE I THINK SHE HAS GOALS AND

ASPIRATIONS.

SHE WANTS TO ACHIEVE MORE AND THAT IS ADMIRABLE BUT I

THINK SHE MADE THE RIGHT DECISION HERE.

THAT'S RIGHT.

IT WAS A TRIAL.

THEY TRIED IT AND

DECIDED NO, THEY DON'T LIKE IT OR AS ANNA WOULD PUT IT, SHE

FELT IT OUT AND DECIDED NOT TO DO IT.

THAT IS HOW I FEEL THINGS OUT.

WHEN THING AT A TIME.

For more infomation >> Oprah Finally Anwsers The 'Running For President' Question - Duration: 7:27.

-------------------------------------------

Vince McMahon's Major Sports Announcement - Duration: 55:50.

For more infomation >> Vince McMahon's Major Sports Announcement - Duration: 55:50.

-------------------------------------------

This Candidate REALLY Hates Feminists - Duration: 7:50.

THERE

IS A GOP CANDIDATE IN MISSOURI WHO WAS RUNNING FOR A

SENATE SEAT.

HIS NAME IS COURTLAND SYKES AND HE IS VERY

OPEN ABOUT THE FACT THAT HE LOOKS RIDICULOUS IN THAT PHOTO

AMONG OTHER THINGS.

THE REASON HE IS GETTING A LITTLE BIT OF

ATTENTION IS BECAUSE HE HAS BEEN ASKED ABOUT HIS FEELINGS IN

REGARDS TO WOMEN'S RIGHTS AND HE HAS SAID SOME THINGS THAT HAVE

UPSET SOME WOMEN.

I WILL TELL YOU WHY.

LET ME GIVE YOU THE

DETAILS.

THE QUESTION IS DO YOU FAVOR WOMEN'S RIGHTS?

HE SAYS

THIS.

HE HAS

A FIANC…E NAMED CHANEL.

LET'S PAUSE HERE.

WHEN IT FIRST STARTED OUT I WAS LIKE THEY LIKE

TO PLAY GAMES.

HE HAS BEEN A BAD BOY AND HE NEEDS TO BE

OBEDIENT.

BUT THEN THEY ARE SWITCHING IT UP FOR DINNER, ETC.

AND I AM LIKE, YOU DO YOU.

RIGHT BACK AT YOU.

YOU AND

CHANEL

GO NUTS.

IT STARTED OUT FUN.

AT THE END THERE, NORMAN ROCKWELL.

HAVING DINNER READY FOR ME, I DON'T KNOW IF YOU WERE PLAYING

SOME GAMES, FINE BUT IF YOU EXPECT THAT IS HOW YOUR DAUGHTER

SHOULD REACT, YOU ARE LOSING ME.

GLORIA STEINEM BE DAMNED,

NEEDLESSLY HOSTILE.

TO

THE ICEBERG.

HE CONTINUES.

I HAVE MANY THINGS TO SAY IN RESPONSE TO HIS STATEMENT.

1ST

OF ALL, THE WHOLE POINT OF FEMINISM IS NOT TO STRANGLE

WOMEN AND TELL THEM YOU MUST BE A CAREER ORIENTED WOMAN OR ELSE

WE WILL COME AFTER YOU.

NO, IT IS TELLING WOMEN DO YOU, YOU

WANT TO BE A HOME MAKER, A STAY-AT-HOME MOM, ONE OF THE

MOST DIFFICULT THINGS THE WORLD TO DO, MORE POWER TO YOU.

BUT

LET'S HAVE EQUALITY OF OPPORTUNITY IN THE WORKPLACE FOR

WOMEN WHO DO WANT TO BE CAREER ORIENTED AND SO LOOK, I CAN'T

STAND PEOPLE WHO LOOK DOWN ON HER CRITICIZE WOMEN WHO CHOOSE

TO BE HOMEMAKERS.

I THINK THAT IS THEIR CHOICE AND IF THEY ARE

HAPPY DOING IT, ALL THE POWER TO YOU.

I EQUALLY DESPISE PEOPLE WHO CRITICIZE PEOPLE WHO CHOOSE

TO BE CAREER-ORIENTED WOMEN.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH THAT?

HE CONTINUES TO ATTACK THEM.

LET'S BE FAIR HERE.

OF COURSE YOU WOULD THINK THAT

BECAUSE YOUR HEAD IS FILLED WITH SNAKES.

I'VE NEVER HEARD THAT BEFORE, I AM GOING TO USE IT FROM NOW ON.

HE

CONTINUES, THERE'S MORE.

HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DAUGHTERS THAT

HE DOES NOT HAVE YET, HE IS JUST ASSUMING HE WILL HAVE THEM ONE

DAY.

BY

THE WAY, WE DIDN'T MISTAKINGLY WRITE THE GRAPHICS

THIS WAY.

THIS WAS COPIED AND PASTED FROM HIS WEBSITE.

THIS IS HOW HE WROTE IT.

HE ALSO CONTINUES TO SAY:

THIS GUYS COLORFUL.

HIS BLUE SKILL STEEL IS NOT THE ONLY

THING THAT IS COLORFUL.

WHEN THEY ASK ME ABOUT IT,

HE HAS A FIANC…

WHO IS MAKING HIM BELIEVE IN WOMEN'S RIGHTS.

I LOVE THAT TOO, HE REMINDED ME OF THE CLAN GUY GETTING

INTERVIEWED ONCE HE SAYS THESE IN WORDS ARE INFERIOR AND THE

REPORTER ASKED THEM, YOU ARE RACIST AND HE SAYS NO, I AM NOT

RACIST.

I'M PRETTY SURE YOU ARE AND HE IS LIKE OH, THAT SHE

DEVIL BANSHEES WITH THEIR SNAKES FILLED HEADS.

SO YOU ARE

AGAINST WOMEN'S RIGHTS QUESTO KNOW, I AM FOR THEM.

I AM FOR

THEM AS LONG AS THEY STAY AT HOME AND DO EXACTLY AS I TELL

THEM AND HAVE DINNER READY BY 6.

FEMINISTS AREN'T AGAINST

CHOICE, YOU ARE.

FEMINISTS SAY GET DINNER READY IF YOU WANT TO

DO, DO IT FOR YOURSELF, DO FOR YOUR HUSBAND IF YOU WANT TO, GO

WORK IF YOU WANT TO DO IT IS TO EMPOWER WOMEN TO DO WHATEVER

THEY WANT.

THIS GUY SAYS, NO.

I AM GOING TO TEACH MY DAUGHTERS

NOT TO SHOUT FROM THOUSAND 12

PUT BUILDINGS OR WHATEVER, BANSHEES AND I'M GOING TO

MAKE THEM HAVE DINNER FOR THEIR HUSBANDS.

BY THE WAY, THERE IS NO WAY THAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN.

AND ALSO, THERE IS THIS MISCONCEPTION THAT ALL

FEMINISTS, THEY ARE ALL THE SAME, THEY ARE ALL RADICAL, THEY

HATE MEN.

I CAN ASSURE YOU I DO NOT HATE MEN.

I LIKE MEN A LOT.

I LIKE MY MAN A LOT AND LOOK, THERE ARE SOME COMPONENTS OF OUR

RELATIONSHIP BETTER EXTREMELY MODERN AND SOME THAT ARE REALLY

TRADITIONAL.

I GET TURNED ON WHEN HE DOES ANYTHING TO RUN THE

HOUSE.

I DON'T THINK THIS TAKES MY FEMINIST CREDIT AWAY.

I LIKE

FEELING PROTECTED AND SMALL THAT WHAT I MEAN BY SMALL IS

PHYSICALLY SMALL AND PROTECTED.

THAT IS TOTALLY FINE.

FEMINISM

AGAIN FOR THE BILLIONTH TIME IS NOT ABOUT TELLING PEOPLE WHAT TO

DO JUDGING PEOPLE BASED ON THAT THEY LIVE THEIR LIVES IN THE

TRADITIONAL MANNER.

AGAIN, DO YOU, BOO.

IT IS JUST INTERESTING HOW HOSTILE YOU AND HOW ANGRY

HE IS.,

DOWN A LITTLE BIT.

THE DUDE HAS ISSUES.

AND LOOK, IT IS OBVIOUS THAT HE IS

PROJECTING HIS ISSUES WITH WOMEN ON TO ALL WOMEN ANSWER FEMINISTS

SO HE THINKS I WANT WOMEN TO DO THIS AND ONLY THIS SO FEMINISTS

MUST ALSO WANT THEM TO DO THIS AND ONLY THIS, RIGHT QUESTO IT

IS CONSERVATIVE 101.

I WANT TO HAVE HUGE GOVERNMENT THAT

CONTROLS YOUR LIFE AND I WANT TO TELL YOU WHO YOU CAN SLEEP WITH,

WHEN YOU SHOULD HAVE DINNER READY, WHAT TO DO WITH YOUR

BODIES AND THEN WHAT DO THEY SAY ABOUT LIBERALS QUESTO THEY WANT

BIG GOVERNMENT THAT CONTROLS YOUR LIFE.

For more infomation >> This Candidate REALLY Hates Feminists - Duration: 7:50.

-------------------------------------------

I'm Dying Up Here Series Premiere TVMA - Duration: 1:00:25.

[enthusiastic cheers and applause]

[exhales]

[Johnny Carson laughs]

[Johnny Carson] Well, but, we'll find out.

Uh, uh, I'm glad you're in a good mood tonight.

Uh, my next guest is a very funny comic,

making his first Tonight Show appearance.

He's a former Bostonian.

Will you please give a warm welcome to Clay Appuzzo?

[jazzy Tonight Show theme music plays]

♪♪♪

♪ David Bowie's "It Ain't Easy" ♪

♪♪♪

♪ When you climb to the top of the mountain ♪

♪ Look out over the sea ♪

♪ Think about the places perhaps ♪

♪ Where a young man could be ♪

♪ Then you jump back down to the rooftops ♪

♪ Look out over the town ♪

♪ Think about all of the strange things ♪

♪ Circulating round ♪

♪ It ain't easy ♪

♪ It ain't easy ♪

♪ It ain't easy to get to Heaven ♪

♪ When you're going down ♪

♪♪♪

♪ Well all the people have got their problems ♪

♪ That ain't nothing new ♪

♪ With the help of the good Lord ♪

♪ We can all pull on through ♪

♪ We can all pull on through ♪

♪ Get there in the end ♪

♪ Sometimes it'll take you right up ♪

♪ And sometimes down again ♪

♪ It ain't easy ♪

♪ It ain't easy ♪

♪ It ain't easy to get to Heaven ♪

♪ When you're going down ♪

[laughter]

[Bill] Congratulations, ladies.

Congrats, by the way. Big court win.

Abortion is legal.

- [scattered whoos and applause] - Yes.

Clap for that. Clap for that, guys.

- [clapping] - That's a big win for us too.

- [laughter] - That's fantastic, man.

How pissed are back-alley abortionists?

There goes six months of veterinary school

right down the drain.

[laughter]

My mom had six children. I'm one of six.

And according to her, we were all accidents.

Six accidental pregnancies.

We figured it out by now, haven't we?

This whole penis-vagina conundrum, right?

It's not the Manhattan Project.

Not a bunch of scientists standing around a baby

in a room going, well, I-I don't know how this got here.

I'm not quite sure I understand.

Yes, Professor Einstein?

[as Einstein] Um, yeah, I just--I have--

I just have a hunch, if you will.

Maybe, perhaps, the babies are coming from the fucking?

Do you think it's from the fucking?

- [laughter] - That's just my opinion.

♪ The Dramatics' "Whatcha See Is Whatcha Get" ♪

[Bill continues set]

♪♪♪

Watch out. I got my eye on you.

♪ But maybe ♪

♪ I'm for real ♪

- [balks] - Yes.

[kisses] Tastes like tens and twenties.

[laughs] Hey, Rob.

Hey, Goldie.

So you killed it at the Store last night.

You know, I-I wanted to be here,

but, you know, the only open spot

wasn't until after one.

Well, a lot of good comics go up after one.

Oh, I agree. I just, you know,

I have to be up at work at seven.

Totally understand.

I just don't give a shit.

♪ Is what you get ♪

Uh, okay, Goldie, well, it's just one fucking night, right?

Caught my ex getting a blow job in our office.

Took a fountain pen and stuck it through his hand.

That was one fucking night too.

♪ I said what you see ♪

Okay.

[audience laughter]

♪ Is what you get ♪

[Bill performing]

Goldie.

What the--

Rob, uh, he made a mistake.

And although I find the punishment harsh,

I do find it just.

Can I have his five minutes, please?

♪ And you know some people ♪

[audience laughter]

What's up, Carl?

People sitting in my booth's what's up.

Fuck.

Can I sit you somewhere else, please, just for tonight?

You know who I'm bringing here tonight?

- Charlie... - [both] Callas.

Yeah, that's right, smart guy.

You're gonna tell an American treasure

he's gotta sit in the back?

All right.

Yeah, that's been my booth since the joint opened.

Should fuckin' know better.

[Arnie] Prick.

Hi.

How 'bout some free drinks? Does that sound good?

♪ You know some people ♪

♪ Are made of lies ♪

♪♪♪

♪ To bring you down ♪

[audience laughter]

♪ And shame your name ♪

[sighs]

Where the fuck are my onion rings?

They're not drinking if they don't get their salt.

♪♪♪

Somebody call me when Clay goes up.

[Bill] Drunk dentist with a pair of fondue forks...

[audience laughter]

♪ All I want to do is love you... ♪

[Cassie] Uh, what else?

Oh, I got myself a pet rock. He's very sweet.

He was a rescue. I rescued him off the street.

- He was a stray. - [audience laughter]

Pet rocks are great.

He's very protective of me.

I was not expecting that. It's funny.

Anytime my boyfriend says something mean,

he just jumps out of my hand and hurls himself at his head.

[audience laughter]

Try to get him to stop, but he won't.

Show us your tits!

You first, sir.

[crowd reacts]

Ladies and gentlemen, chivalry is not dead.

Hey, why don't you suck my dick?

Oh, what a sweet invitation.

I have not been asked out on a date in a long time.

- [Cassie laughs] - [audience laughter]

Oh, there's a bunch of y'all, huh?

So what's the occasion?

It's my bachelor party.

- Whoo! - Yeah.

Well, what are you doing in here?

That hooker in the trunk ain't gonna bury herself.

[audience laughter]

A man comes into my office.

He says, can I use your Dictaphone?

I say, no, you use your finger

like everybody else.

Come on, you bastards, get off your high horses.

Hey, Goldie, sit.

Ah, that's a funny one.

Adam Proteau. What do you think?

I think I got more hair on my lip

than he does on his nuts.

Can you stick him in The Cellar?

Fleischer and Stephenson

open mic'd for over a year.

Trust me, if they'd spent a little more time and sweat

building the Titanic,

the word would still just mean "big."

Hey, Kay,

another Rob Roy, neat

for my friend Carl, huh?

Hey, pal, nice shirt.

Who--who'd you blow, Don Ho, for that shirt?

[Tonight Show music playing on TV]

Yes.

- [crumbles cash] - There you go.

- Thank you, sir. - Thank you.

[music continues on TV]

[Carson laughs on TV]

Well, we'll--we'll find out.

Uh, I'm glad you're in a good mood tonight.

Uh, my next guest is a very funny comic,

making his first Tonight Show appearance.

Uh, he's a former Bostonian.

Will you please give a warm welcome to Clay Appuzzo?

[applause and music on TV]

Thank you.

Everyone, I--look,

I just want to-- I want to be clear.

I'm not just a Bostonian.

I'm an Italian Bostonian.

We still talk with our hands, but we only use one finger.

[laughter on TV]

So I grew up with a lot of brothers and sisters.

Italians used to have big families before television.

But now they only have kids when there's nothing good on.

[laughter]

But that's what they do, Italian parents.

They send mixed messages.

You mess up in school, Dad gives you the belt.

But then two minutes later, Mom comes in with a bowl of pasta.

[chuckling]

So, I mean, that's how Italians love to do it.

They like to follow their violence

with a little something to eat, right?

- So... - [laughter]

[Clay] May I suggest the Alfredo...

- [Cassie laughs] - [Clay] With your beating?

[Clay] The cream sauce really soaks up the tears.

Hey, you do know when Arnie flashes the light,

that means to get the fuck off stage, right?

I get off the stage when they stop fucking laughing.

Uh, laughing, Ralph, is the noise that people make

when they hear something funny.

Shut the fuck up, Sully.

- How's he doing? - He's killing.

Great.

[scoffs] "Great"?

That's not your "great" face, Bill.

That's the "why don't Johnny fuckin' love me" face.

How did they not shoot you in 'Nam?

- [Sully laughs] - There's nothing but bamboo

over there; what tree could you

have possibly fuckin' hid behind?

Yeah, are black hippos sacred over there?

- Shh, shh. - First of all, y'all saw

the pictures, I was lean and mean in 'Nam.

Charlie was terrified of me.

Called me "The Black Beast."

Black beast, that's what they call you at McDonald's.

- Black beast. - Fuck you, Sully.

Always talking shit. You know what?

When the revolution come, motherfuckers,

you on your own.

Guys, I'm trying to hear Clay.

Hear what?

His act is practically a sing-along.

Bill, I love you like a raging yeast infection,

but shut the fuck up.

- Gross. - Mm.

Come on over.

[cheers]

Oh, my God!

- [clapping on TV] - [Bill] What?

- Oh, my God. He got the couch. - [Sully] Wow.

Suddenly I don't feel so pretty anymore.

Holy shit! Holy shit!

Whatever.

Wow.

Yeah, get your bitter ass out of here, Bill.

♪ mellow ragtime music ♪

Got the couch.

That's all she wrote.

I told Frank Johnny'd eat him up.

♪♪♪

[applause on TV]

How are you?

Ah.

He smells good. [Clay laughs]

- [audience laughter] - He always has.

Don't get too close. You'll lose a finger.

[Carson] Very funny stuff.

So you get back to Boston much?

Well, I-I try to make it back for all the major funerals.

Ah, uh-huh.

[Clay] Yeah, you can fly free when someone dies

so I try to plan my vacations around my dying relatives.

[laughter]

Oh, Uncle Sal's not doing so good, aye?

Oh, well, that's--that's sad. That's very sad.

Any chance he'll be, uh, hanging in there

till opening day at Fenway?

- [audience laughter] - [Johnny Carson laughs]

♪♪♪

[TV chatter continues]

♪ acoustic folk music ♪

♪♪♪

What do you think happens when we die?

[imitating accent] Well, Cass,

I don't really know.

- Shut up. - [laughs]

Don't make fun of my accent. I'm working on it.

Oh.

Well, I think it was Buddha that said it best.

♪♪♪

"You shit yourself.

And then it's anybody's guess."

You know, they say when you come you die a little bit.

Is that why you don't want to come anymore?

You afraid of dying?

Fear of death is, um,

not my issue.

Fear of irrelevancy.

Now, that scares the shit out of me.

So what is it then?

Why don't you want to come with me anymore?

♪♪♪

[sighs]

You know who Edmund Hillary is?

Are you fucking the guy who climbed Everest?

[both snicker]

♪♪♪

[Clay] He risked everything to reach the summit.

And when he finally stood on top of the world,

you know how long it was for?

Mm-mm.

Fifteen minutes.

[tsks]

All that excitement,

anticipation,

blood, tears, and excruciating pain...

♪♪♪

all of it for a measly 15 minutes.

♪♪♪

And on his way down,

he and Tenzing, his trusty Sherpa,

celebrated with soup.

♪♪♪

It's the climb, Cass.

♪♪♪

It's all about the climb.

I sure hope the soup was good.

[laughs]

♪ rollicking blues rock music ♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

[scattered cheers, applause]

All right, let's hear it for Cora, everybody.

- [clapping] - Huh, isn't she great?

The lovely, sweet, talented Cora.

Easy!

[Eddie] Very special lady, that Cora.

What, do you got a fuckin' train to catch?

I should be counting my tips right now.

Speaking of tips, uh,

any chance of sliding mine into your mouth for a second?

No. You got two minutes.

By the way, a five-dollar discount on a hand job,

kind of a shitty going-away present.

All right, everybody. Time to go.

- Closing time. - [groans and boos]

Your soul-crushing existences await you.

[Heckler] Fuck you, Jew.

Ah, "Jew." Such a versatile word.

It's both a people and an insult.

Tell me, pal, is there a Mrs. Drunken Shithead at home?

How'd you like a fucking beating, huh?

Aren't you worried if you, uh, get blood on your knuckles

your wife will think you're seeing another woman?

Cocksucker.

"Cocksucker." Another gem.

Let me guess. Lit major?

Or is this just a game where-- where you and I

blurt out hobbies you think your mother and I share?

You're dead, asshole.

I don't think so, you fucking hard-on.

Hey, Lou, you want to take care of this guy for me?

- Lou? - [Heckler] No fucking Lou.

- Lou? - No Lou.

Fuck me.

I think Z's in trouble.

Would you focus, Carol?

'Cause if I'm being honest,

you're doing kind of a subpar job here.

Okay, it's like I'm jerking off left-handed.

Trust me, pal, you don't want to do this.

- Okay, trust me. - Yeah, why the fuck not, huh?

Full disclosure, I'm asthmatic.

- I have asthma. - Shit, shit, shit.

It's like hitting a guy with fucking glasses, it's cowardly.

Plus, a fucking guy from Southie

beating up a minority,

it's not a lot of points for originality.

- Yeah? - [bottle breaks]

[crowd gasps, laughs]

[panting]

You're lucky that Carol's got palms like a fucking teamster.

Come on, we gotta be at Logan in two hours.

[person claps]

Thank you. You've been a great crowd.

So, Cass, should we talk about the elephant in the room?

- Not you, Ralphie. - Shut the fuck up.

- That being? - [Sully] Come on.

It didn't singe your sissy a little

seeing your ex-boyfriend get the couch?

Sorry, but I'm not ten.

- Yeah, but you're human. - Exactly.

Thus I can transcend pettiness

and actually be happy for someone

without it reflecting back on me and my career.

Did she just say "thus"?

Did she say "career"?

- Fuck you guys. - [Ralph laughs]

[Bill] You're full of shit. I'm jealous.

I'm practically shitting blood sitting here

thinking about it, and you should be too.

Every other comic's success,

every set he kills,

every Merv, Johnny,

or Dinah-fucking-Shore appearance

another comic makes is one more

that we didn't get.

Every laugh should feel like

a sharp poke in your fucking eye.

If it doesn't, get the fuck out.

'Cause you don't care enough.

There it is.

- [Ralph] You know what? - [Sully] Fantastic.

That's a motherfucking two-thirty in the morning

pancake speech right there.

Fuck you. And fuck you.

[Sully] Oh, man, if you were queer, I would just

suck your dick right now. So beautiful.

You know what? I'll do it.

- Uh-uh, uh-uh. - Let me in there.

I'm going in. - Get that dick.

- Oh! - [laughs]

Can I just enjoy my plate of latkes one night

without you two pretending to blow each other?

- Waitress! - Get the check!

Check! Hurry the fuck up, check!

[Sully] Why you gotta make this ugly?

♪ moody folk music ♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

[horn honks, tires screech]

[onlookers react]

[tires screech]

[brakes hiss]

[distant crowd commotion]

[woman] Call an ambulance.

♪ Kathy Heideman's "Sleep a Million Years" ♪

♪♪♪

♪ Please don't frown at me ♪

♪ When you could smile ♪

♪ Our eternity is just a while ♪

♪ Don't you know ♪

♪ That later on ♪

♪ We're going to sleep a million years ♪

[song playing over car radio]

Do you think I'll ever play The Main Stage?

Hey, I'm talking to you.

What the fuck, Cass?

Come on.

What?

- I'm just asking. - Well, you see what I'm doing.

No--but-give me a-- give me a minute, okay?

It's my third time through the fucking alphabet down there.

I'm a delicate flower, sorry.

That's 20 minutes of my life I'll never get back.

Yeah, but do you really want 20 minutes of your life back?

Touché.

I need your opinion.

[sighs]

If the question is, who do you have to blow

to get in the main room,

you're in the wrong fucking car.

I know, it's Goldie.

She keeps telling me I have to do more

"women appropriate" shit. What is that?

What, like jokes about Tupperware

and ring around the collar?

What did you think?

Goldie's just gonna build you a ramp to The Main Stage?

It's a meritocracy; it's not a fucking charity event.

Yeah, it's easy for you to say. You're a guy.

You can say whatever you want.

Goldie doesn't owe you shit, okay?

You're not in the main room because you're not ready, and

don't give me that whole "easy cause you're a guy" cop out.

You're slightly better than that.

[tapping]

Jesus Christ, you gave me a heart attack, Ralph.

[Bill] What's up?

Get out of the car.

[Bill] What?

♪ somber music ♪

♪♪♪

A fucking bus.

[Goldie] They act like it's a goddamn freeway out there.

[cracks up]

Sorry.

We should probably do something,

some kind of memorial.

[snickering]

I'm sorry.

I dropped two hits of blotter around three in the morning.

I'm still a little--

still just a tiny bit fucked up.

[Edgar] This is terrible, though.

Let's go on with our memorial arrangements for Clay, please.

[Edgar laughs]

It's noticeable, isn't it?

I'm picking up Clay's parents at the airport in a couple hours.

I can ask them if they're open

to having a ceremony or something.

[Edgar laughs]

Oh, fuck.

Jesus!

Wait out-fucking-side, will you, Ed?

I didn't know Clay was gonna die when I took the shit, obviously.

[Sully] Come on. Come on.

Should be babysitting my nephews now.

- Come on. - We watch H.R. Pufnstuf

on Saturdays--you know what I'm talking about, Sully.

Yeah, man, acid and babysitting.

It's pretty self-explanatory.

[Edgar] [laughs] Fuck yeah.

We can all, maybe say a few words, huh?

[sighs] I'll call Jerry's.

Get us a platter.

Think I should try to book a church?

Fuck no. We're in one.

♪ upbeat jazzy music ♪

♪♪♪

[Carl] You know who swam in this pool?

[Adam] Like, bacteria and shit?

[Carl] One Mister Burl Ives.

♪♪♪

[Adam] So you still didn't answer my question, Carl.

What did Goldie say?

[Carl] She said yes.

[Adam, mouth full] Well, good, shit, finally!

In the near future.

Oh.

Well, how fucking near?

Soon.

I don't know.

Another six months?

She says you're not ready.

Look, I've been doing open mic for over a fucking year now.

Okay, I want fucking Carson, Carl.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you and every other

pencil dick with five minutes.

Listen, it's a marathon, kid,

I keep telling you.

You keep telling me a lot of shit.

Okay, you're my manager. Fucking manage me.

And if you can't get me the big room,

at least get me a paid gig.

What pay? Goldie doesn't pay anybody.

It's a showcase.

What about that gig at the church?

Babysitting immigrant kids

is not a gig, Carl.

Okay, I need real money.

All right, I want to get my own pad,

a place where I can take girls

without you wandering through in your boxers,

eating baked beans out of a pan.

It'll come.

It will come.

In the meantime,

just keep entertaining the little beige tots

while you hone your craft at Goldie's

until it's time.

And--and when exactly is--is that?

Goldie will let you know,

in the same way she let Prinze

and Walker and Appuzzo know.

♪♪♪

♪ somber music ♪

♪♪♪

God willing,

some day this will all be ashes.

Their poor mothers.

You know they hate you, right?

♪♪♪

[chuckles]

Hey, uh, is there any chance of us passing by Grauman's?

Tourists?

Uh, comics. From Boston.

[chuckles]

What?

Nothing.

Come on, let us in on the joke.

At the risk of blowing my dime tip,

I'll tell you.

Ever since Carson moved his outfit from New York to here,

every asshole who think he can tell a joke

has been circling Burbank like a fucking vulture.

Nice to meet you too.

- You asked. - I did.

[church bells tolling]

All right, oh.

[children playing and laughing]

You religious, Adam?

No, I figured I'd find Jesus

after I'm pulled over by some white cops in Bel Air.

[chuckles]

A conversion based on fear isn't a conversion.

It's insurance.

That's nice, Father.

If the Catholic Church starts making fortune cookies,

- I think you the man. - [chuckles]

So you talk to the powers that be

about my raise?

Sorry.

It pays what it pays.

Ah, are you sure there's nothing that I can do

to make 'em throw a little extra bread my way?

Carl's cool, but I'm starting to get desperate.

[sighs]

There are other ways of supplementing income.

Here at the church, I mean.

What's the figure?

Two hundred.

Dollars?

It pays a lot, Adam,

because it costs a lot.

♪ somber piano music ♪

♪♪♪

[sniffs]

[sobs]

[crying]

[knocking]

♪♪♪

Hello.

Uh...

Is, uh, Clay here?

Who are you?

[both chuckle]

We're, uh,

we're friends of his from Boston.

We, uh, he said we had a--

we got a place to crash if we came to town, so...

here we are. [chuckles]

Ta-da.

[both chuckling]

Hi, I'm, uh, Eddie.

Eddie Zeidel. Nice to meet you.

This is my friend, Ron Shack.

Hey. Very nice to meet you.

I'm sorry, Clay's dead.

[chuckles]

Excuse me?

Um, last night there was an accident on Sunset.

Wait.

W--

He--

He was on Carson, I mean, we--

we talked.

Yeah, he got the fucking couch.

I'm sorry.

Wait--wait, hold on, hold on. Um...

Look, we just kind of

come a really long way.

Uh, so is--is this like a brush-off

or--or a joke or...

Yeah, fucking hilarious, isn't it?

I think it's best you boys made other arrangements.

[bar music playing]

- [crying] - Come on, Kay.

♪♪♪

Of course Clay loved you.

It was two months. [sighs]

Hardly a romance for the ages.

Who wouldn't be crazy about you?

You're pretty, you're kind,

and you never mess up my drink order.

[laughs]

- Vodka and tonic. - Yep.

Those acting classes are paying off.

Mm.

♪♪♪

- What is that like? - Well...

it, uh, doesn't burn if that's what you're asking.

I'm serious.

It's like here.

Some nights you kill.

Some nights you bomb.

For some fucked-up reason you...

keep coming back.

♪♪♪

We're gonna fuck, aren't we?

Are we?

Change of clothes. Half a pack of cigarettes.

A postcard.

[Richard Thompson's "The Calvary Cross"]

♪ Oh, it's a black cat cross your path ♪

♪♪♪

♪ And why don't you follow ♪

What kind of god does something like that?

You work your ass off;

you kill on The Tonight Show;

you get the fucking couch;

that very night, you're hit by a bus?

You're buddy got hit crossing against a green.

That's not God, that's Darwin or Budweiser.

Well, you're a real cunt sometimes.

Hey, I find the word "sometimes" offensive.

Excuse me?

Who do we talk to about stage time?

Uh, amateur night's Tuesday night, guys.

Sign-up sheet's by the register.

No, no, no, no, no, uh...

We--we don't do open mic. We're pros.

Oh, wow! Oh, wow.

Oh, I got, uh, Richard Pryor's

going on Thursday night.

I can, uh, bump him if it means

that I can get some pros on stage.

Look, he didn't mean anything, okay?

We're working comics from Boston

and we came out to stay with a friend

and he was gonna set us up out here,

but unfortunately, he...

he died last night, so...

Clay.

Clay Appuzzo, yeah.

Anyway, we got nowhere to crash,

and we spent everything just to get out here.

So if you could help us out and give us some stage time?

What, are you guys like a Rowan and Martin?

No, separate acts.

Well,

amateur night's the best I can do for you guys.

Can't play the main room without Goldie's blessing

and even open mics are like a three-week wait.

Fuck, fucking suck a duck.

Fuck duck!

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

Fuck!

He retarded?

Listen, man, um,

if...

if there's anything you could do to help us out?

Well, if you guys need a place to stay

until you make it big,

I can set you up with something.

Hey, Dory, you think you could get that ketchup

that I asked for a long time ago, you know,

before your Social Security kicks in?

The nicest. The nicest.

[indistinct chatter]

"Fa Napoli."

Next time just mail it.

It's a postcard, not a telegram.

I think it's a suicide note from Clay.

How is this a suicide note?

It's part of a Goethe quote. "Fa Napoli."

"See Naples and die."

Clay used to say it all the time.

It meant once you see Naples,

there was nothing left to do but die

because nothing would ever compare to that moment.

It's a postcard, Cass.

That he left on the bedside table at the Sunset Tower Hotel.

Why was he even staying at a hotel

when he lives two blocks away?

I don't know.

Look, you want to play Mod Squad, fine,

but pull this shit with someone else.

Pull what shit?

The shit where you build a fucking shrine to a guy

who wiped his feet on your ass for two years.

I came here as a friend.

I understand.

Clay died. It's a fucking tragedy.

I get it.

It's this fond revisionist bullshit

that makes me want to puke.

It'd make Clay puke too. And you know what?

You just want to sit there and sweep all his dick-ish qualities

under the rug and--and magically turn the silent asshole

at the end of his name into a

"There'll never be another like him,"

then go for it, but you're gonna have to

rewrite history with some other shithead.

Go fuck yourself, Bill.

He dumped you, Cass.

I'm right here. I'm right fucking here!

He makes a good point.

♪ The Isley Brothers' "It's Your Thing" ♪

♪ It's your thing ♪

[snorting]

♪ Do what you want to do... ♪

That is fucking bullshit, Mitch.

♪ I can't tell you ♪

Johnny liked your boy.

- Gave him the fucking couch. - Yeah.

Now this thing with the bus?

Drugs, possibly?

So rumors are the rule of the day now?

He went out to celebrate, got a little drunk,

fell in front of a bus.

It--Carson gave him the couch.

Who wouldn't tie one on?

People there say he saw the bus,

walked right out in front of it.

Police are still investigating.

Wha--so Johnny's fucking punishing me now?

It's the fucking sponsors.

If anyone's being punished, it's us.

Okay, look, Johnny feels bad.

But I just think we need to book some

more established comics for a little while,

see how it all shakes out.

"Established"?

What are you gonna dry-clean Red Skeleton,

send him out there? Good fucking luck!

How long we talking?

We're thinking four, five months.

Then I'll bring the kids right back in.

You want retreads? Be my guest.

Merv, Midnight Special,

they can have first shot at my kids.

I got agents and producers packing this place

every night, because if you're waiting

for them to act stable,

you got a long fuckin' wait.

I mean, they got mommy issues; they got daddy issues;

they're about as stable as a Middle East cease-fire.

That volatility, that pain,

that willingness to walk out in front of a bus

an hour after killing it on Johnny Carson--

- if that's what he did-- - That's exactly what he--

Well, that's the price of fucking brilliance, isn't it?

That's what makes millions of your viewers

stay up till the ass crack of dawn,

waiting to see them.

These are tortured fucking souls, Mitch.

I j...

And here I thought we were talking about comics.

[sighs]

You want genius?

You come here.

You want Catskill

or some green kid shitting walnuts

on national television, zay gezunt.

Goldie, the kingmaker.

[Goldie] Damn straight.

And you know what they get from me,

these kids, they don't get anywhere else?

These babies, huh?

Oh...

I nurse these fuckin' kids.

They latch on and don't let go

till I tell them when.

So, when they go on your show,

they knock it out of the fucking park!

Huh?

It's called trust, Mitch.

They trust that when I know they're ready,

that's when they're ready.

And that's when I call you fuck-tards.

Okay, look, we both know those other shows

don't mean shit to these kids.

- It's Johnny or nothing. - [scoffs]

So why don't we just let the sponsors

have a little time to let their pants dry

and then I'll see what I can do.

Yeah, we can all hold hands

and buy the world a fucking Coke, too.

[soft chuckle]

Not for nothing, nice tits.

Fuckin' took you long enough.

So...

What do you think of the place?

I think we're standing in the middle of a fucking closet.

I mean, you can't put a bed in here, much less two.

Yeah, but you can fit two sleeping bags right here,

plus you got access to a full kitchen, shower,

toilet, all semi-functional.

[sighs] We'll take it.

Are you fuckin' serious?

We need a place to crash.

- [sighs] - All right.

Need the rent up front. Sixty bucks cash.

I'm not gonna, uh, I'm not gonna--

What do you got? Just say it.

- I got--I got 11--11 bucks. - Just say what you have.

Just give me the ten.

- You sure? - Yeah.

All right. Rules.

You live with three other people now, okay?

So you got to put your name on your food.

If you don't have your name on your food,

then it's up for grabs.

- Okay. - Labels.

Also, don't touch my snake, and don't think

you're doing me any favors by feeding him, okay?

Where--where's the snake? The snake's in here?

And listen, this is the closet to my room, out here, so

- if I'm in there with Maggie-- - Who's Maggie?

She's my girl. By the way, hands off, okay?

If I'm out here with Maggie, screwing,

you gotta wait till we're done.

[scoffs] And what exactly does that cocktail of degradation

and self-loathing sound like when it's finished?

Sobbing? A single gunshot? [laughs]

Probably just a groggy "where am I?"

after the ether wears off.

[laughs]

[scoffs] God, do you guys just

come up with this out of the thin air?

It's amazing.

Enjoy your closet.

- [both] Oh. - Fuck me.

Is that a fucking cat box?

Yeah.

- [oxygen tank hisses] - [knocking]

♪ solemn music ♪

♪♪♪

Well, uh...

guess I should just...

uh, all right.

Everybody stand back.

♪♪♪

Okay, well, you gotta take that down.

I'm fuckin' serious.

Language, Adam, please.

"Language"? Really?

♪♪♪

So anybody here from-- from out of town?

[slight chuckle]

[audience laughter]

Are you having a good time, ma'am?

Really? All right, tell your face.

[laughter]

I am Mexican. That's right.

I look like, uh, Tony Orlando

had a baby

with Tony Orlando.

[audience laughter]

What is it about Mexicans--

eh--I wish this didn't happen, but it's true.

Mexican, right,

is a dirty word still.

You say "Mexican" before anything, it sounds bad.

Like, for example, uh, I got some reefer.

- Got some Mexican reefer. - [audience laughter]

- No, thank you. - [audience laughter]

Took my kids to the circus,

the Mexican circus.

[audience laughter]

What the fuck was that about?

Took him to see a clown,

- the Mexican clown. - [audience laughter]

Hey, kids, look, it's Puto the Clown.

[audience laughter]

I gotta take a piss.

[Edgar] Want me to make a balloon animal with my wiener?

Hey, hey.

I gotta talk to Goldie about Clay's memorial.

Look, I fucked up, okay?

I'm an antisocial asshole, a narcissistic douche bag.

Let me know when you get to an apology.

Hey.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Oh, hey, Clay's friend.

- Yeah, Eddie. - Cassie.

Look, I-I just--I wanted to apologize for earlier.

No, I'm sorry about that--

No, no-no-no-no, please, don't.

I mean, a couple of bums show up,

trying to crash on your boyfriend's couch--

No, he wasn't my boyfriend.

He was my boyfriend.

We were together for two years,

but it's been over for a while.

- And... - Oh.

...I'm just trying to take care of his parents and get...

No, that sounds-- that sounds really nice of you.

We found a place.

Oh, good.

Yeah, yeah. Arnie's.

Oh, that's not good.

It's great, actually, it's, uh,

it's a closet, is what it is.

It's got a wonderful view, though.

Looks on to some kind of performance space

where, uh, bums take craps in between parked cars.

- [laughs] - Yeah.

I don't want to oversell it for you,

but what it lacks in dignity it makes up for

in horrifying spectacle.

[laughs] Okay.

This guy's doing fucking dick jokes over here,

I'm trying, I'm trying my best.

Oh, thank you for making me laugh.

- All right. - I'll talk to you later.

- Yeah, I'll see you. - Okay, take care.

Hey, is Kay here?

Is Kay here? Kay, Kay the waitress.

- Clay's Kay? - How the fuck do I know?

[sighs]

She gave me crabs.

Aw, what'd you get her?

I'm fucking serious, man.

Just go get some Quell--

I slept with Betty last night.

It's nice knowing you.

Yeah, and she's already hormonal 'cause she's six-months pregnant

so great, she's gonna kill me now

because I fucking turned her panties into a fucking aquarium.

You shown it to anyone else?

Bill.

Anyone who cares? His parents?

No, but I'm going to.

They deserve the truth.

No one deserves the truth, sweetie.

It's not a reward.

You wouldn't want to know if it was your son?

My grandmother gave me this

on my 21st birthday.

Talk about your "to be's or not to be's."

Poor fucker.

Treblinka.

Eight months before she was liberated.

She said there was a Star of David

hung above the entrance to the gas chamber.

Written, in Hebrew, on a purple curtain

were the words, "This is the gateway to God.

Righteous men will pass through."

They even lined the gas chamber entrance with flowers.

The train ramp to Treblinka

was disguised to look like a regular railway station

with timetables, signs, even a clock

painted on the wall.

What does this have to do with Clay?

My grandmother knew the truth.

She knew where she was going.

And when she got there, where she was,

what that acrid smell in the air was.

But the truth wasn't gonna let her sleep at night.

It seldom does.

His parents should know.

[cigarette case shuts]

Say you're right.

They're Catholic.

So you're pretty much damning their son to Hell.

You tell them the truth, and they will never have

another decent night's sleep again.

So what, so I...

so I just shouldn't say anything?

The flowers at Treblinka?

Bubbe said they were the most beautiful she'd ever seen.

♪ whimsical whistling music ♪

♪♪♪

Guy?

Guy.

I'm so itchy.

What is it?

I don't know. Is there something on me?

♪♪♪

I'm so sorry.

For what?

My dead son's accident

or his giving his mother crabs?

Mister Appuzzo.

Clay left this at the hotel the night of his accident.

"Napoli." See Naples.

Why are you showing me this?

[sighs]

I think that Clay might have...

No.

♪ somber music ♪

It was an accident.

He was drinking. He had an accident.

You understand? He had an accident.

- No, Mister... - He was drinking and...

He left this at the hotel.

...he fell in front of a bus

in this God forsaken hell hole.

Here, here.

Here's your memorial. Here's your ashes.

♪♪♪

Scatter them all over this...

Gomorrah that killed him!

♪♪♪

[bacon sizzling]

Good morning, roomie.

Morning.

Do you like bacon?

Or are you the other kind of Jew?

Uh...

Morning, buddy.

Hey, Mags, any more bacon?

Yeah, there's one here.

[Ron] Thank you.

It's a memorial service.

Nobody's gonna say boo.

Man, Arnie's not even gonna

let me in the building without you.

That guy's got his head so far up Goldie's ass

he can taste her last meal.

Look, I'm being serious, Carl.

My hands are tied. Charlie's got the brunch.

Lookit, if you say the words

"Charlie" or "Callas" one more time,

I swear to Christ that I'm going to take this five-dollar tie

that you so generously let me borrow

and I'ma hang your ass with it.

Oh, you want Carson? Go get Carson.

You got to get in there with the big boys.

Let 'em see you.

This business is all about relationships.

You got--you gotta mingle for Chrissake.

Mingle at a memorial service?

Hey, I got my first break on The Colgate Comedy Hour

by chatting up Eddie Cantor at a urinal.

You do what you gotta do.

Wow, you are, like,

the worst fucking manager ever, you know that, right?

Maybe. But I believe in you.

And you know that.

We got pork chops tonight.

If you're late and they're dry, don't blame me.

♪ Shuggie Otis' "Strawberry Letter 23" ♪

♪♪♪

♪ Hello my love ♪

♪ I heard a kiss from you ♪

♪ Red magic satin playing near.. ♪

Guy, please?

♪ All through the morning rain I gaze ♪

♪ The sun doesn't shine ♪

♪ Rainbows and waterfalls ♪

♪ Run through my mind ♪

♪ In the garden I see... ♪

Uh, 'scuse me, brother.

Think The Jackson 5's at The Rainbow.

Hey, Arnie, I'm just here to pay my respects.

Oh, yeah? Really?

You were friends with Clay?

Yeah, he--he, uh,

bought me a slice of pizza after one of my sets.

Oh, so you got the pizza connection?

Wow, congrats. That's really cool.

[snaps] Screw, kid.

Oh, my God! There you are.

You look fabulous. How do I look? [giggles]

This kid doesn't know Clay. He's just here hustling.

Neither do you if you think Clay would give a shit.

He's my guest. Come on.

You look like Flip Wilson went to Sears.

- Hey, thanks, man. - Man, forget it.

There's only one rule in this business, and so far

nobody's figured out what it is yet.

Welcome to the wild, wild west.

Hey, enjoy the egg salad.

[indistinct chatter]

[chuckling]

- Hey, hey. - Smart, college educated.

- Hey. - Hi.

Uh, where's Betty? I heard she's bringing seafood.

[laughs] Shut the fuck up.

She's meeting her mother to pick out a new crib.

She's gonna come by a little later, thank you.

What about all the little piranhas in her panties?

I, uh, told her I got them at the Y.

Mm.

Well, I mean, technically, you did.

[snickers] Man, you should have heard me.

I'm blasting them on the phone this morning.

I'm like, "You guys, my wife is pregnant;

and she probably has them; and I'm gonna take

the Young Man's Christian Association to court!"

I used the full name to intimidate them.

It really worked well.

And she bought all that?

Yeah. Hook, line, and sinker.

- Ugh. - I even canceled my membership,

which sucks, 'cause I loved working out there.

It's inexpensive and, truth be told,

it's very, very clean.

[audience laughter]

[Ralph] I mean, these girls were bad, you know, so...

But Clay, he introduces us.

And the--and the girls ask how we know each other.

Clay looks at them with a straight face and says,

"We're cousins through rape."

[audience laughter]

And then--and then,

and then he goes on to tell a story,

a history lesson about how the Moors were black

and they invaded, raped, and pillaged Sicily.

But we are all one, big happy family now,

it's all in the past.

[light audience laughter]

Man, neither one of us got laid that night.

[audience laughter]

Clay was my man, I tell you that.

He was my man.

♪ somber music ♪

Thank you.

♪♪♪

Hello, um,

I know, uh, none of you know us,

me and my friend Ron. Um.

But, uh, I knew Clay from

back in Boston when his first name was still Calogero.

We were kids making pizzas at Romero's,

which was an authentic Italian restaurant

that was owned by my Jewish uncle.

[audience chuckling]

Later, Clay got a job at, uh, Combat Zone,

doing comedy at a strip club.

And I'd drive into Boston and watch, and, uh...

...I mean, I was probably the one guy there

not to watch the strippers but to watch Clay perform.

And he'd be up there telling these jokes about,

about his family and growing up in a small town,

but, you know, they-- they weren't--

they weren't jokes, they were these...

...I don't know, these secrets about himself.

And, uh, one night after closing,

we, uh, went to the bar for a beer.

And, uh, I asked him how does he

get up in front of all these drunks

and, uh, make them laugh

at the most

embarrassing, shameful,

painful moments of his life.

And, uh...

♪♪♪

...he said it was easier for him

to confess the truth about himself

to a room full of drunken strangers

than it was to the people he really loved.

♪♪♪

He was beautiful.

♪♪♪

Angelina.

- Oh, Guy. - We're leaving.

You have to stay in here. The stories about Calogero...

We're leaving.

♪♪♪

[Goldie] Mr. Appuzzo, please,

won't you join us, just a little while?

Have--have a seat, please.

The...

My son is dead.

He was a child.

He was always a child.

You are children.

You think you can joke your way out of everything,

pain, heartache,

life!

Go ahead. Then what?

It's all still there waiting for you,

waiting to be dealt with.

You're children with your eyes closed,

thinking nobody can see you.

I see you.

I see right through all of you.

♪ Iggy & The Stooges' "Gimme Danger" ♪

♪♪♪

[Sully] Oh, shit!

Honey, what are you doing? The doctor said

no destruction of property until after the baby!

It's the receipt from your crab lotion.

If you found out about it this morning, then

why is the receipt from two days ago, you son of a bitch?

[Sully] No, not on my car!

Bess, come here, give me that--

Can we--no-no-no-no, please, come here, come-here,

come here, stop, come on!

Thought I got rid of those.

Told you to keep your dick in your skirt, didn't I?

Mind if I grab a beer?

I'll join you.

Hey, hey, Goldie. How you doing?

I'm, uh, I'm Adam. Adam Proteau.

Yeah, I know who you are.

Um, yeah, I know now is a bad time, but I was--

I said I know who you are.

Why don't you quit while you're ahead, huh?

♪ If you can't be my master ♪

♪ I will do anything ♪

♪♪♪

♪ There's nothing left alive ♪

♪ But a pair of glassy eyes ♪

♪ Raise my feelings one more time ♪

[knocking]

Come in.

Oh, sweetie. Hey, you look tired.

You need a bump?

I want to go up tonight.

The Cellar's yours. Name the time.

Not The Cellar.

The main room.

[laughs softly]

What are you?

Excuse me?

I have no idea what the fuck you are.

I'm a comedian.

What are you?

You're funny, I give you that.

Phyllis Diller, I know what she is.

Joan Rivers, I get, but you?

No clue.

You're all over the map.

No point of view.

You're sexy, which is not a plus.

They don't hear half your jokes 'cause

they're so busy staring at your tits.

So you go a little blue.

And when you don't, you're all

"aw, shucks and cow shit." [scoffs]

I have no idea what your female perspective is.

There is no one female perspective,

just like there is no one guy perspective.

We're not them, honey.

You wanna go on The Tonight Show?

Yes.

Let me help you, hmm?

Find a voice that women can relate to.

I have a voice women-- that women relate to--

That sheds light on our mutual experiences, huh?

Then I'll put you on The Main Stage,

front and center,

my right hand to Carson.

- Is Kaufman like Carlin? - Ugh.

Is Klein like Pryor?

You're missing my point.

Yet they're all up there on your stage.

Why is it any different for women?

There is room for me too, I just need your stage to prove it.

When you're ready.

[lighter flicks]

Word has is The Tonight Show's gonna be

laying off young comics for a while.

That the...

rumors surrounding Clay's death

has them rethinking things.

Your point?

The LA Times is doing an interview

with me tomorrow.

They want me to set the record straight

about Clay, about his death...

The truth.

And what is the truth?

You tell me.

[exhales]

At least now I know what you are.

♪ lounge piano music ♪

[Sully] Guys, Vietnam's coming to an end.

That means what?

Yes, the draft is coming to an end.

It's so nice. Comedians are coming home

from Canada, 'cause they're pussies, right?

Ugh, they are not known for their bravery, man.

They're known for what? Say it with me.

Big penises. Nobody said it, that's weird.

That's a "no" in the back? Is that--yeah, that's my wife.

How are you--oh, wait, that's not her.

I'm just kidding. She didn't make it

through surgery, she's dead. How are you?

Ugh, I just--gonna-- I'ma need you to hold this.

Just put it between your breasts, that's fine, um.

I'll come get it later. Great, so...

Man, we hate to fight.

We'll make a white flag out of anything, right?

We'll make a white flag out of a fuckin' black flag.

[Clay] Where are you in all this, Cass?

♪ tender piano music ♪

All those jokes about being a single gal from Wink, Texas.

♪♪♪

[Clay] Fuck, the bartender can tell jokes.

♪♪♪

Real laughter...

[exhales]

It's cathartic.

It's the current that moves through an audience

when some truth about who you are,

about who they are, is revealed.

♪♪♪

Come on, Cass, you gotta go out there and put those arms

around that messy part of yourself and just...

♪♪♪

[distant laughter]

Get your ass on that stage.

Figure out what it is that you have to say,

open a vein, and...

fuckin' say it.

[Sully] That's it, I'm Sully Patterson, thank you guys!

[cheers and applause]

Yeah, give it up for Sully Paterson, a...

genuine war hero right there, man.

Coming to the stage next right now is a real treat.

It's her first time on the main room stage,

and quite frankly it's about motherfucking time.

Easy on the eyes, and funny as hell,

give it up for Cassie Feder!

[cheers and applause]

Hey, y'all.

- [warm audience response] - [cheers and whistles]

Yes, I am from Texas.

We do say "y'all."

Y'all's actually Texas shorthand for

"We will shoot you, all of you."

[audience laughter]

You know what's great about being a single gal

in Texas?

Is making out in pickup trucks.

Girls, you have not lived until you find yourself

in a lip lock with a farm boy

who spent his afternoon

watching his daddy's cows hump.

[light audience laughter]

You ever have life pull a trick on you

that you just did not see coming?

You're just walking along,

all happy and stupid, and wham.

Without you even realizing it, life just

bends you over and tucks it straight up your ass?

I lost a friend recently.

An ex-boyfriend, actually.

♪ faint ambient music ♪

Man... [exhales deeply]

Did I ever love him.

He was Italian and swarthy.

And he had these, um,

these big blue eyes.

And not that he couldn't be a dick too, 'cause he could.

Get her the fuck off the stag--

What? For what?

[Cassie] Here I was,

this Jew from Wink, Texas.

Let me just put that in perspective for you.

There's more Jews at a Walt Disney dinner party

than there are in all of Wink.

[audience chuckling]

And I met my ex, and, man,

I was just overmatched right from the start.

You know you are overmatched when you end up

blowing a guy on the first date.

That's it. The end.

You know what I'm talking about.

I can see you've done that a few times,

haven't you, young lady?

I mean, I don't even know what happened, really.

I was at dinner. I was smiling.

I was nodding.

I was so interested in everything he was saying.

One second, "Oh, my gosh, lasagna Thanksgiving

instead of turkey? No."

And then the next second, I'm in the front seat of his Valiant

blowing him, wondering what our kids are gonna look like.

[audience laughter]

[mouth full] If it's a boy,

let's name 'em 'Arry a--

[audience laughter]

And if it's a girl,

I'll name her Candace.

[audience laughter and applause]

I was so happy to be there

that I said thank you to him afterwards.

[audience laughter]

I don't know what happened.

I didn't blow guys in Wink.

And then I'm in L.A. for one month,

and I'm really thinking

about getting my tonsils taken out

for performance purposes.

If my uncle knew what was going on,

I could just see him.

[as Uncle] I can't believe you're sucking Italian dick.

That's disgusting.

You got perfectly good cousin dick

right ch'ere in Wink!

[audience laughter and applause]

[cheers and applause]

♪ uplifting music ♪

♪♪♪

[muffled lovemaking]

[muffled springs squeaking]

Oh, great.

I gotta take a piss.

When's this prick gonna shoot his wad?

[Maggie moaning]

[Arnie] Ooh, yeah. Oh, my God, yeah, oh!

[Eddie] You know Lenny Bruce's first paying gig

was for 12 dollars and a free plate of spaghetti?

I would kill for some spaghetti right now.

Fucking starving.

[muffled lovemaking intensifies]

Z?

Yeah?

Where the fuck are we?

[Arnie's groans climax]

[Maggie moaning]

Hollywood, brotha.

[both laugh]

♪ Ringo Starr's "It Don't Come Easy" ♪

♪♪♪

♪ It don't come easy ♪

Thank you.

♪ You know it don't come easy ♪

♪ It don't come easy ♪

♪ You know it don't come easy ♪

♪♪♪

♪ Got to pay your dues if you wanna sing the blues ♪

♪ And you know it don't come easy ♪

♪ You don't have to shout or leap about ♪

♪ You can even play them easy ♪

♪ Forget about the past and all your sorrows ♪

♪♪♪

♪ The future won't last ♪

♪ It will soon be over tomorrow ♪

♪ I don't ask for much I only want your trust ♪

♪ And you know it don't come easy ♪

♪ And this love of mine keeps growing all the time ♪

♪ And you know it just ain't easy ♪

♪ Open up your heart let's come together ♪

♪♪♪

♪ Use a little love ♪

♪ And we will ♪

♪ Make it work out better ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Ah ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ah ♪

♪ Got to pay your dues if you wanna sing the blues ♪

♪ And you know it don't come easy ♪

♪ You don't have to shout or leap about ♪

♪ You can even play them easy ♪

♪ Peace, remember peace is how we make it ♪

For more infomation >> I'm Dying Up Here Series Premiere TVMA - Duration: 1:00:25.

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Mom's Diagnosed With Cancer At 11 Weeks Pregnant – Here's The Tearful Moment She Fought For - Duration: 4:01.

Mom's Diagnosed With Cancer At 11 Weeks Pregnant – Here's The Tearful Moment She

Fought For Finding out you are expecting is one of the

best days of most parents' lives, following behind the day that baby is born.

One young mom was thrilled to find out she had conceived, but a short time after taking

a pregnancy test, she also found out she had cancer.

She was only 11 weeks pregnant at the time.

If not detected fast enough or treated aggressively enough, breast cancer can be fatal.

Maria Crider wasn't sure what kind of options she had when her son was growing inside of

her.

Ending the pregnancy was not an option, but traditional cancer treatments weren't going

to be as easy on a pregnant woman.

Maria's doctors decided to do whatever they could to treat Maria's cancer until her

baby was born and the more aggressive treatments became an option again.

They warned Maria that pregnancy or cancer on their own are tough for the human body

to handle; doing both at the same time wasn't going to be easy.Maria didn't care.

She was going to beat cancer, but first, she was going to deliver a healthy baby.

Doctors attempted to remove the cancer with surgery, which was the best option at the

time.

She made it through the surgery, and so did her unborn baby.

Maria was diagnosed with cancer in October and gave birth to her son in April.

She named him Logan.

Maria talked about her ordeal, saying:

"It's been an emotional rollercoaster.

I've been through a unilateral mastectomy, a planned cesarean, a salpingectomy, 16 chemotherapies,

25 out of 28 radiations.

I still have ways to go before I can put this part of my life behind me."

Photographer Bonnie Hussey was there to take photos of the amazing birth.

Bonnie enjoys photographing new babies and mothers and she usually picks two or three

moms to get free shots.

She knew Maria deserved a free photos package.Bonnie took the amazing photos as Logan made his

way into the world.

She was able to capture an amazing miracle, as well as the excitement of a new baby.

She also captures Maria's amazing strength and perseverance.

Maria was determined to deliver a healthy baby even if she wasn't healthy herself,

and that's exactly what she did.

The photographer said:

"A mutual friend of ours that I met when we were living in Washington state actually

tagged her in my giveaway.

Since I had just moved back to the Central Florida area, I wanted to give back to the

community I grew up in."Maria was very grateful for the photo session.

She talked about the delivery day and how she had mixed emotions.

She was so excited to meet her baby, but she was also terrified that her cancer treatment

may have caused health problems for him.

Even though her doctors had reassured her that Logan was on track to be a healthy baby,

she was still anxious to find out herself.

"It was very cool, but the biggest thing for me was seeing him born and be totally

perfect.

I did four cycles of Adriamycin and Cytoxan while pregnant.

His delivery was confirmation that everything the doctors had told me was true and that

he was perfectly healthy."She was thrilled with the photos Bonnie had captured.

"Bonnie captured all the emotions from the nervousness and excitement in the pre-op to

the relief and joy and pain the operating room.

I love the photos!

It's my 'Hell yeah!

We made it!'

moment caught in photos."

Maria and Logan are both doing well, and people will never forget the brave mom who fought

cancer for herself and her unborn child.

Please SHARE this with your friends and family.

For more infomation >> Mom's Diagnosed With Cancer At 11 Weeks Pregnant – Here's The Tearful Moment She Fought For - Duration: 4:01.

-------------------------------------------

Here's How To Detoxify Your Whole Body Through The Feet - Duration: 2:38.

subscribe our channel for more !

Here's How To Detoxify Your Whole Body Through The Feet

Although there are different detox methods you can try, it seems that one ancient Chinese

technique is the best. The ancient Chinese practice of reflexology believes that the

body has certain pressure points which can be stimulated in order to destroy toxins within

and improve the overall health. There are more than one ways to do it, and you can see

the options below.

Foot detox pads The foot detox pads are easy to apply and

present in almost any health store for an affordable price. The best time to use them

is just before sleeping – when you get up in the morning, they should be black, which

is an indication that they worked.

Ionic foot bath Ionic foot can detoxify your whole body through

your feet by generating electrolysis, a process that uses electrical current which creates

a specific reaction within the body that will get rid of all the chemicals and toxins. The

hot water from the bath will open the pores on your skin, and the salt used in the bath

promotes efficient elimination. It's not unusual for the water to turn dark by the

end of the bath – it's a sign that the process worked.

Here are a few simple ionic baths:

Salt bath Ingredients

2 teaspoons baking soda 1 teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon Epsom salt A tub of hot water

Preparation Pour the baking soda, salt and Epsom salt

in the hot water one by one and mix until they dissolve, then relax your feet in it

for up to 30 minutes. A salt detox bath can raise the magnesium levels in your body, promote

detoxification and resolve any skin problems.

Clay bath Ingredients

½ cup Epsom salt ½ cup bentonite clay

Essential oils of your choice (optional) Preparation

Just like with the previous recipe, add the ingredients in the bath and soak your feet

in for 20 minutes. Rinse with cold water in the end and repeat the process 2-3 times a

week to extract all toxins from your body.

Oxygen bath Ingredients

2 tablespoons hydrogen peroxide 1 tablespoon powdered ginger

Preparation Pour hot water in a tub and let the ingredients

dissolve, waiting for a couple of minutes before soaking your feet in. Oxygen baths

will promote detoxification and resolve numerous problems such as hypersensitivity and various

ailments.

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