I learned today I have to be a month off the medication and I have to have a Sono
histogram for high thanks for clicking on simply Tanika
I am Tanika if you are new here welcome hit that subscribe button let's hang out
a while if you are returning welcome back
let's get those babies ladies how are you today it's Tuesday this is the first
that I've seen you or the first that I've blogged since the bee offend on
Friday so I want to Philadelphia for the weekend and I've cried a lot I love you
guys can see I got bags under my eyes yeah I kind of lucked known donor was
supportive I mean that's the part of us someone can be used was not really going
through this like very considerate nonetheless so and I was able to relax
oh that was there but yeah now I'm back I got back to New York yesterday morning
Monday morning went straight to work because I didn't realize I had a 9:30 so
I just put my makeup on at work and everybody's like where are you going you
leave with your suitcase I'm going to Harlem where I lived from nosy people um
but yeah so I got a lot to do this week I'm meeting with Ari
this morning I've got to go into the office but I'm meeting with Ari at 11:00
meeting with the fertility therapist psychotherapists at this afternoon I
don't remember what time and we'll see I don't know if this woman the Ari is
gonna let me do IVF I've been doing a lot of research on it I don't even know
if it's the right thing for me to do given that I have one kidney I'm scared
I'm sad I don't want to make a move out of desperation so I'm trying to be as
informed as possible Irish we thought I wanted to sit the cycle out
going into it like if it wasn't successful I don't feel that way anymore
I think let's do it let's do something and see what happens so yeah then
there's other fun stuff my sister's bridal shower is this weekend
Cheyenne wants to go course she still hasn't gotten her ticket so the ticket
that I'm paying for Sh I just asked her to figure out when it was um and she has
not done that part yet so I got a look online today and get her a ticket I was
like so you know you're flying coach now right we are not buying you a
first-class ticket four days out she's trying to get there on Friday you will
be sitting in coach Google and maybe that's good maybe then she buys like
just JetBlue where that's the only option they have but we'll see her
father lives out there and her brothers and sisters so she wants to see them as
well she's gonna fly in the Sacramento hang out with my mom working on her
clothing line my mom's throwing the patterns for that and then my sister
will drive her down to Fresno which is where the shower is and I think she's
going to say she said so xx I don't know what day that is but yeah gotta get that
done so the joys of motherhood get to continue even though the drama of
fertility issues also exists so I complain about it but I love her to
pieces and it does give me something to do I think we all complain about our
kids in that way like I'll have to do your laundry meanwhile secretly loving
it yeah that's a red light bubble I mean while secretly loving it
and yeah giving myself something to do the man on
the bike almost just went right through the red light he it's pedestrians in the
way the only reason I stopped him was the car
it stopped him before he stopped him because that was about to happen yeah so
anyway I'm back and coping we'll see what the service today has to say about
all of it I'm hoping he has some insight my own therapist yesterday
regular therapist I guess they're all gonna be my therapist the village came
like that close to telling me to just relax which yeah because she was like
maybe you should just go away and forget about it off yeah that's not how this
works I got a remember food I can and can't
have I got a monitor my alcohol intake like trying to have a baby as a
lifestyle change so it's no forget about it especially now when everybody is
trying to convince me that my fertility just fell off another cliff when I turn
forty seven so that's it I wish I was in a cheerier mood I'm okay though I'm sure
by now you guys have said a lot of supportive things as always so thank you
for that and yeah onward and upward right let's keep it moving let's get
those babies ladies all right I'll talk to you guys a little bit hope your
Tuesday's go well bye hey fam all right I just arrived at the Ahri's office I'm
waiting on the elevator
remember the strength
hi ladies so we're starting again um another Rui a couple of things I learned
today I have to be a month off the medication and I have to have a Sano
histogram first so I think we'll do that in August when I know I'm going to be in
California so that'll be a month off the meds have this on a histogram before I
go provided there's nothing wrong with the Sun or histogram then we would do
IVF in September so that's the plan I'm hopeful though I don't know I'm hopeful
we'll see
who are the new offices - it's pretty nice in here like that
I don't know what that does but it looks fancy yeah so
positive thoughts thank you guys for your support
I appreciate you we're gonna do this alright then I'm done I'm gonna walk
back it's nice out today so the doctor didn't mention when I scheduled the
Sandow histogram hope I'm saying that right to have tylenol before a couple
hours before so that it's kicked in by that so I'm guessing it's gonna be like
the hsg chess where it's a little painful they always say uncomfortable
but that one was painful so I'm gonna prepare accordingly yeah so I feel good
I feel like we talked about it she said 3iu eyes 3 to 4 would not be unrealistic
we're not gonna count the other ones because it was obviously a different
clinic but it was not fresh sperm so it's like starting over and the primeira
is not doing anything I get up to me more like clomid would you wouldn't do
back-to-back-to-back-to-back coma cycles because it things are lining and it
dries out your cervical mucus so I'm ok with that and it kind of works around my
life of what I have planned and what's going on so we'll make that happen that
way I love that color it's beautiful so we'll make that happen that way and then
figure it out from there so not all bad I think I cried I don't feel gutted I
did forget it last week and I wanted to evaluate how I felt today going into it
before I made a decision because when I went into my fourth cycle at RMA I
definitely in retrospect felt like I should have taken a break emotionally
like I didn't check in with myself and definitely spent the weekend doing that
last night and yeah I feel solid with the decision that I've made and moving
forward now so yeah you know ladies its ups and downs but I want that baby
alright Wendy so I'm going to cut it short because I don't even know if you
can hear talk to you in a bit yeah he talked
about it being the stress is some of it is coming from my identity and my need
to control and plan and letting go of that I'll be back okay
I'm outside hopefully that's a little better but I'm walking yeah so basically
he said there are two levels of stress that I need to check for first level of
a one is just the stress of fertility of like the appointments bla bla medicine
schedules all that the second level has to do with my identity of how I see
myself and my need for control and so he said when I when he when I feel myself
getting to level 2 I need to do a check-in and not let this define me
right like these things are happening they don't define me so it was
interesting and it's true like a lot of that I don't have an experience with
when I try for something and I put in an effort of not succeeding at it
so that's foreign to me so dealing with that and then you know I
talked to him about my childhood and with my mom and my dad and all that
stuff I'm like I have a need to win and to do well and so yeah that lack of
ability to control all of that is what is causing the stress for me and so
letting that go is what he say so I was like okay I feel
better already like just having that I feel better
already so yeah processing a little bit I will see him next week and then he
also I think another tidbit that I liked was like for not for me to not focus on
the external factors of like oh I didn't like this doctor I didn't like that like
think about the things that I am doing how I'm relating to it and not what
other people are doing not the external put it back on myself yeah so I think I
said that in one of my very early videos is like I like to be in control even if
control is a fallacy I like the idea that I am in control
so yeah it's it was good but that's it I think I'm gonna sign off for the night
ladies I will talk to you guys tomorrow it's my first day back I don't want to
go crazy I hope you're well if you like this
video please give it a thumbs up remember to share it with anyone who
might find it interesting and I will talk to you later
bye baby that's too you all
I see raindrops to make the rainbow
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