Introvert VS socially anxious VS shy, Which are you?
Quiet people are having their moment.
The world is embracing introverts in a big way, spurred by movements like Susan Cain's
"Quiet Revolution."
It's happening because the research validates so many of us, said Ellen Hendriksen, a clinical
psychologist at Boston University's Center for Anxiety and Related Disorders who writes
the Savvy Psychologist columns.
"So to finally have a message sent that introverts are valuable and necessary, and
most of all that nothing is wrong with being quiet, is really empowering to people who
thought something was wrong with them."
But are you actually an introvert, socially anxious or shy?
Being introverted and socially anxious are two different things, but shyness is usually
a short-hand way of saying social anxiety, Hendriksen said.
In case you can't define yourself, here are some clues to help you tell according to Ellen
Hendriksen.
1.
Introversion is born; social anxiety is made
Hendriksen said that introversion is a personality trait, a temperament you are born with.
Introverts are energized and refueled by being by themselves, or a small group of confidantes.
Social anxiety, on the other hand, is often learned.
Life experiences convince you that people are judgmental, and you begin to believe that
if you risk doing something, it'll become obvious that you are incompetent or inadequate.
2.
Social anxiety is fueled by avoidance
People with social anxiety won't show up to the Christmas party.
They'll let their calls go to voice mail or leave a gathering early.
They may also avoid the situation covertly: They'll show up to the party, but might
avoid eye contact, spend most of their time scrolling through their phone or find other
ways to not be present.
3.
Socially-anxious people can be extroverts
You might get your energy from people, but be afraid of them at the same time.
So you really want to go to lunch with your coworkers, but worry they don't want you
there.
Or you'd like to host a dinner party, but be afraid you'll be judged as being inadequate.
"That's actually quite torturous because then you're uncomfortable when you're
alone and you're uncomfortable when you're with people.
It's a no-win situation.
4.
Introverts enjoy solitude; while people with social anxiety not so much
For the introvert, being alone is necessary and refreshing.
It feels good to read a book in a quiet room without any people around.
But if you're socially anxious and you're alone in order to avoid a social situation,
you may end up feeling regret or disappointment.
"By not going, it makes you feel less anxious, but it doesn't make you feel good."
5.
Socially-anxious people are supremely worried about what others think of them
Introverts aren't concerned about how they present.
They can be themselves and not worry they'll be "revealed" as deficient or inadequate.
There's no performance or perfectionism involved.
For people with social anxiety on the other hand, social situations turn into a performance
with very high standards.
They tell themselves, "I must never let a gap occur in a conversation," "I must
always have something interesting to say," or, "I am responsible for entertaining this
person."
"You're spending so much time and energy on impression-management and anxiety-management,
there's not much energy and attention left over to pay attention outwardly, focus on
that conversation and what somebody is saying.
6.
Socially-anxious people employ 'safety behaviors'
It's very common for people with social anxiety to think they have no social skills.
They may tell themselves: "I'm always awkward," or, "I don't know what it's
like to have a normal conversation."
In fact, they're actually quite good at navigating social situations.
They'll steer the conversation to things they are comfortable talking about or pepper
the person they're talking to with questions to take the attention off themselves.
But they also resort to "safety behaviors," avoiding eye contact, speaking softly, smiling
all the time, or being very ingratiating as a way to artificially lower their anxiety.
"All that's doing is taking up your bandwidth so that there's not very much left over
to actually pay attention to the conversation that you're having.
So, how to deal with this situation?
If you're an introvert, you should simply embrace your quiet self.
You don't treat a trait, so there's no need to change your personality.
However, if social anxiety is standing in the way of living the life you want, then
it becomes a problem.
Here are the step you can take:
Slowly put yourself into situations you're afraid of: Talk to the coworker you always
avoid or attend a gathering you'd normally skip.
You don't have to do a cannon ball into the pool, you can inch in a little bit at
a time.
Drop the safety behaviors: Stop avoiding eye contact or speaking very softly.
Trying to suppress anxiety is like trying to keep a beach ball under water.
It's just going to pop up again eventually.
Turn your attention outward: "Rather than self-monitoring and focusing inward… listen
to the conversation."
Whatever you fear is probably not going to come true.
And even if it does, you can handle it.
Well, that's the clues to help you define whether you are an introvert or socially anxious.
So, how can you define yourself after watching this video guys?
Please do share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below!
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