CLOSED CAPTION BY YOUTUBE! in this video we're talking about how long should you try to save your
marriage stay tuned hey what's going on what's up
babe hey how long should we try to save married you're doing all this fighting
yeah you're the only one fighting Yeah right this whole thing has been in
shambles we haven't had sex in three years Jesus right he already told me not
he she already told me it made me laugh she already told me that she can't stand
my ass but she's not sure what she wants to do she need to find herself mm-hmm
and basically you know I don't know what to do you know
everybody told me to hold on a fight and just fight and it's been three years at
what point how long should I keep trying to save my marriage
what how do you feel about that is there's a time limit on that is there I
hope that while you're trying to to save your marriage and fight that you are
actually building yourself and doing things that really matter to you taking
care of yourself making sure you come first because honestly when it comes to
situation like this I don't think there's a timeline hmm all right so if
you want to kiss a girl just keep staring at her lips and sure she's so
right she's absolutely completely right because the reason why people keep
asking that question is because the I do mind is for sure
the devil's playground right you know when you ask me that question I
want to say how do you have time to know how long has been you know how do you
have time or your boy have access I need sex well honest in all honesty we
believe here that if you ever had sex in three months
anything more marriage probably don't have a marriage and that's not a matter
you should want doesn't mean you can get back with that person but if you get
back with them you'll be building something completely brand-new yes
absolutely okay so now does that mean you should run around town I'd be
sleeping or not again how do you have time for BS you know that's not the same
having sex is BS I'm just saying if that's something that comes natural and
you meet somebody and that somebody somebody sweep you off your feet if
you've had that situation you probably would not be asking us how long should
you be trying if somebody comes into your world and sweep you off your feet
while your wife or your husband hasn't made any intimate move to you in three
months chances are you're just gonna enjoy it and not ask anybody you're
gonna keep it a secret and we're just keeping it real okay
you're not going to be asking because that person is probably new and you know
and it's exciting right so the reason why you're asking is because you don't
even have that anyway and if you go after chasing after that it's like
chasing after money you're always going to lose if you choose after sex you lose
right the only thing you can really build this relationship and it's the
only thing you build with money as well too it's the same things you build with
the spouse it's a healthy relationship where you both benefit enough of each
other you bring value to each other's life yeah when I say that I don't like
using the word give and take because give and take sounds like you're snacky
from something and that's expectations ation that doesn't work well for a lot
of people everybody knows the give-and-take the code and it doesn't
work for them you don't remember exactly because it's expectation okay
well when I'm talk about giving give where everybody is
value from each other brother thank you yeah you see what I'm saying so because
of that let me bring my train of thought back row quick you know when people ask
me that question is like how do you have time so let's work on how you would have
time to worry about I want you to be trying to fix it marriage we did a video
about divorce not be attached to the word divorce you should not be attached
to the word marriage as well you should not be our attached to any word because
words change meaning yeah I think that's part of them one of the things that give
us expectations and night entitlement you know you you you're gonna Instagram
for example you see some people say oh the one the one and only mrs. Carter oh
you know the way they you could just tell how much so much how entitled yeah
this is that what it means the words that I'm not saying that if you missus
you shouldn't be proud because you're proud yes I'm proud to be a missus right
you gotta twist it you know do anything for my family
mmm-hmm but at the same time you know you don't want to lose yourself into
that see this days people get married and they come up with all these rooms
yeah do rules oh I'm your wife you're not supposed to do that
yeah instead of saying I'm your wife you're not supposed to do that oh babe
do you think there's another way we can do that instead of doing this way that
way the other person is not feeling overwhelmed because honestly in on
honestly women once women are married you know we just wear that crown like a
queen like we're ready this is what we're made for you start crying every
night for the next 45 it is like Will Smith's wife hey real-life shit I'm
telling you this things happen and and man they just got married you're like
okay what up you put in the pressure on yeah what's going on
my exact word is that you're trying to put me in bondage I don't know what I
said to you you can't be putting me in one day job I don't want to be in any
kind of I don't wanna know yeah that became easy for us so entitlement kills
the marriage petition but Haitian attachment attachment to the name oh
yeah you know the meanings that you were raised with all those things to religion
right and there was one thing that my husband was always doing then and it was
a certain things like you know you might girlfriend right I was doing some things
I didn't know those are things that I would advise today yeah but but now that
I understand the feelings that made me want to do it it's I feel blessed view
to teach it to other people but the reason was I don't want to be because I
know the the main wife carries certain weight that yeah we lose certain things
were enjoying with the right - yes which is fun which is no expectations no we're
just happy to be together happy to be here we're not here because it's a rule
or some kind of obligation or something like that
and and I knew that but maybe what we could have done is find a balance
between yes of course you're my wife anyway every time people try the
government but no you might girlfriend you know yeah sexy and cute I'm serious
against the people he destroys the married it does this by the title she
think of a moment where the word wife would destroy a wife or husband would
destroy the marriage because of the attachment to the word and not the
deeper meaning of what it's supposed to be because I know somebody's gonna be
him like what do you mean you suppose to be up to your wife well I'm not your
manda yeah I know what I'm talking about you should pay attention to context of
what I'm saying yeah the idea is that even you you want to be in a fun-loving
where nobody's
when I go ahead you should know talk to nobody
you're not my wife wait wait chill yeah and if you feel if you feel like like
you shouldn't be that way well your spouse may feel it should be that way so
relax the point is relax and what I found that
works is reverse psychology yeah you know when you feel all tensed up and you
want to go fight do the opposite yeah always wow yeah if we're only patient
you will get that thing you're looking for good you just get it just like that
no most human beings just you know we overreact yeah yeah that's what they do
and when people ask to them and if you hurt they overreact right instead of
what is this person expecting me to do subconsciously what are they expecting
it to do ya know what not today I'm gonna do it that's a day for the
vine no no yeah so the point here is relaxed but we kind of digress and we'll
probably went off topic a little bit we're talking about how long should you
try to save your marriage well it's still on point because if you're not so
uptight about yourself about life yes you wouldn't worry about how long it
doesn't matter what you worried about is that how can I have a awesome life in
spite of this person how bleep out I woke up this day adding with myself up
but said you gotta give today you wake up today right you know gratitude you
need life with gratitude you will know that way when I have time
to worry about that you know now the only thing you should
be having if somebody's shut off completely on you and it's been a while
and you've been fighting for the marriage
you should start having empathy for them because that must suck it must it can be
a fun place to just shut down a marriage it's not a fun thing body that way it's
it's never it's Kim and trust me I that's something I and
learn very like Bobby within four months it took me about three to four months to
learn that after our marriage shot now it can't be fun for her to be behaving
the way she's behaving it must be something else you know even before
before we got into that we will have some arguments about other people third
party and you'll be trying to say that percentages that I would always be
looking for but that person is probably suffering from something case in point
like homosexuals right I don't have an opinion about that yes
I'm a practicing Christian but I don't have an opinion about that it must suck
to not be able to walk on the street and feel safe yeah nobody wants to just
choose to do that or no they chose to be wicked think about it like nobody wants
to do that to me I'm like it's not even my place right I can never understand
what if she was just like just like that's not our space it's no how do you
say space you've got my place please like just like that's not your place if
your spouse has shut down on you the best thing you can do right actually
that's what you should be doing already listening in communication the best you
can do is listen a little bit harder why is so this person is saying something
but cannot be said in words they're trying to say something they're hurting
sometime and that hurt is shutting them down I find that really nobody there's
nobody in this what came that came forgive but there are many good to have
a hard time forgiving because no one is taking the time to listen in the first
place there's a lot of people like that Rach you know so how long should you try
to save your marriage let's actually answer that question before I dive into
this email here how long is your not trying to save the marriage okay you're
not trying to save demand you try to use this period of time to work on yourself
this period of time that your marriage is shut down is a blessing yes it's a
blessing in disguise that you can use she mentioned it a little lightly
earlier you can use to build yourself and if you take
that time to build yourself you will showcase a brand new man a brand new
woman and it will only be natural for somebody in their right mind to be
attracted back to that how long that's gonna take
I don't know you should not have a time limit on how long you should be building
yourself anyway it's a life it's a lifetime it's like that person that says
I'm gonna stop working out but working up for two weeks I haven't dropped away
hello it's supposed to be a lifestyle he's not gonna see a week drop in two
weeks you may see in two years you may see ten years I don't know about that's
not the goal the goal is to make it alive whatever we tell you to do to help
save your marriage it's not designed to manipulate the other person is designed
to build you to a place where you are attracted to the person you deserve very
likely it's gonna be your ex or your husband because you guys already know
each other because you already have a connection there all right take a seat
you don't have to force it but if they don't see it let's say it's one of the
few decision you don't see it it won't matter to you because you're so
confident in yourself and you're gonna attract the kind of love that you know
you deserve yes absolutely so especially I really need your help
recently my husband who have been married to for a little under a year
wants a divorce he says I don't trust him and we have so
many problems communicating and with honesty all right so somebody's shutting
now when people are shutting now they use all this words communication is
licensed I get a hit word everybody throws around we just have problem
communicating okay fix that problem what's the problem we've been together
for been together for about six years total and things were great for a long
time but this last year last year they were married we're talking about that
earlier right that was in this episode right hmm
so the be together for six years they be married for one year a little under a
year for the longest things good in that last one yeah didn't wonder
what dating things was things were good and now last what is the biggest mistake
that married people make they get into that marriage thing married mode yeah
and then it becomes the oh yeah bitch yeah why yeah why do you have to change
any social psychology it is yeah it's just the brain it is so much weight
attachment it's a white Asian hide oh the husband tied yeah yeah so so now all
of sudden she doesn't trust him anymore and he senses that and say you know if
you not gonna trust me I need to be out of this situation so he shuts off but
this last she has been so tough between sex problems he wants it a lot
I hardly ever need it well she can't need it if she doesn't trust him right
that's not one issue which is a major issue they have sex problems they just
you she doesn't she doesn't she's not gonna have sex a woman who doesn't trust
you will not want to have sex because because it's mental and she can't she
doesn't want that she does she says she causes she doesn't need it she probably
the funny thing is that woman who doesn't want to sit will know why they
don't know why because if they knew why they would just be like you know I'm not
turned on because this thing is bothering my mind let's sort it out but
they don't even know why so they get into a place where they're powerless -
and they're not trying to use that weapon either it's just not there so
problems with money second biggest problem yeah and him thinking I don't
trust or desire him anymore wait what you think you don't trust
desire him anymore you don't you're not having sex right yeah if you're not
having sex you're not you don't so you say but it's just me no it's not just
you that's the horrible thing to accept and it should work on that that
shouldn't be no we say except a lot of stuff but that's not one
no that's not you can't accept that it's just me
well it's just you your marriage is crumbling how about that you need to be
having sex three times a week there you go she says the most I didn't say that
she said that I'm just saying but I agree so let's see here but I don't
trust or desire him anymore and that I'm not honest with him he wants to end it
well I would want to hand it to because like we said earlier if you never have
sex in three months there's no marriage by default I don't care how much nicer
to forget you signed if there hasn't been any sex ain't amazing in three
months shut it off unless there's a medical
reason somebody is sick or something that was obvious yeah you know let's see
here I know have been a terrible spouse to him and I totally admit it I was
living off of him his money and his self-worth but I I
married is what saving and I know I can change were both moved out and in even
with our parents it's so cold towards me and I've definitely broken the rules and
I've got an emotional in front of him he says he need to see major changes in me
before you even consider being with me again
but all the things all the times he says he's done for good we talk daily yeah
that's the confusion okay so a lot of people have miss connelly women that do
that man does that too where the shut up but they're confused sometimes they say
they want to be there sometimes they say I'm done I just don't know I need some
time you know the opportunity confuse is understandable because they're married
to you they're not just gonna up and leave it's not as simple you know but
for a fact our actions shows that the marriage is over it's over but there is
hope there is hope so he needs to see major change but other time you say it's
done for good we talk daily but it's just about moving and Bill's I don't
know what to do to show him I've grown into a better person
so why what's wrong with that babe you tell us what's wrong sit up baby tell us
what's wrong with that she wants to show him what's going
on with that something that's what's wrong with that the fact that she wants
to show him yeah expectations because now you put a nice
petition on him to see that you need him to see that you are going to be needy
being needy is gonna heal attraction you have a father and then you're creating
more you're digging my hole you're already in a hole stop digging okay so
the key thing in this statement is you want to show him that you've been a
better person if you're so busy becoming a better person you won't have time to
be showing him he was in his own time yes but if the time wouldn't matter to
you because you're so busy enjoying becoming a better person right okay and
if he misses out and you know you attract somebody else that sweeps you
off your feet his loss yeah but that's life but life is too short to waste it
waiting on another human being you live your life become a better
person for you not the other person all right all right
he says I act like a child which is specially true I don't know what that
means but I've never had to leave on my own
it sounds like he's putting you down a lot is he missing you with words and
you're tolerating it and that kills attraction more - if I'm talking down on
her and she lets me talk down on her more I don't want her even more yep if I
talk down on her she said were you talking to like that
I like this earthiness you get it now I'm like what is in her I was making her
talk like that but really attraction is building right there all right now I'm
interested like which you didn't talk back at me but it attraction is growing
right and then slowly but surely you talked at me like that the other time
but I'm paying attention it's like the attraction is growing because she did
not allow me to talk down on her it's like mr. nice guy yeah it happens to is
a park nobody likes a punk
she says it not me all right and this exchange is happening married lives a
lot oh you let someone talk down on you you don't talk back they're gonna be
less and less attracted to you okay just because you've been a punk you need to
speak up and say unless this physical violence see they're gonna leave to this
thing and to that you then don't speak up call the hotline all right so but all
the time this is done good okay okay let's jump jump jump jump jump I've
never had to leave on my own and fend for myself so my first goal is to get my
own place but I don't know what to do to get him back well that first thing is
all you need to be focused on yep self-sustainable I don't give you woman
a man blood sugar thank you if you have to depend another person you will come
off needy yeah there's nothing wrong with the woman allowing a man to take
care of her but that means we're in a good place
that means we sit down together that means like my wife I have so anything
that I tap into when it comes to my business and I say babe what do you
think about this let me do this I'd miss admin stuff do the swap for me and
that's different you know I'm benefiting from her in that way when a great place
but if if we get into a very bad place the first thing she's gonna pick up that
will make her confidence go low as the fact that she depends on me hmm it took
you confidence and if she doesn't have confidence accuse attraction yeah and it
causes confusion and marriage too so you have to be self-sustainable to a certain
extent yeah where you are right now that you're complete shut up you need to be
fully self sustainable okay you need to do something about self go find a job at
ShopRite at Walmart something just for yourself leave with
somebody until you become self-sustainable and not depending on
him and work on yourself and trust me it takes one second for God to change your
life it's not gonna take ten years but start from somewhere start from
somewhere whatever you have right now I'd be appreciative of it if it's just a
job at ShopRite at the nest retail store over there be
happy about that if it's just driving uber I know all about that trust me
yeah something I'm surprised about that if he's just driving uber or lyft do
that so you can be self yeah anymore but that can change your
life like that you know if you walk with what you have right now if you don't
learn how to work with what you have right now you become that guy in that
talent padagu with one talent and you're not using it and you're complaining that
you didn't get ten like the other guy but then you're basically casted away
because you don't appreciate what you what you have yeah it's true you need to
yeah so gratitude is a big part of this yes and you need to snap out of that
fear it doesn't don't think that oh because you know what this person now
you can't survive that is actually very this is false
it's very false yes it's not surprise you shock yourself other things you can
even do when you have no one around you yeah you'll be pushed so that's one of
the issues that's making ask how long should I keep trying well if you keep
waiting for that the answer to that question you'll be in you being me true
for misery for a long time and it would detect it too that you and Doc use
attraction back because of yeah not because the future taking money from you
that's not the issue is the lack of confidence in yourself I say if you're
taking money from me and I don't mind for most men they don't really it's not
about that you know but if you are acting like that's a problem that's your
confidence all right that's been affected and I can see that and that's
disgusting him you know because you're complaining about something that is not
complaining about basically that's you not believing in yourself yes you know
it happens to the other way too yeah if you are man who wants to say mmm
just go ahead and kiss don't ask can I kiss yeah okay I think
I'm sorry to say don't matter is the dumbest question it's like don't go for
it worst-case scenario she would turn
around and say no it's okay it's okay it's
can I kiss I always wonder question to be ridiculous everything you know move
you can I keep no as a matter of fact you can't 1up information I've always
find it ridiculous to I mean she she knows me I the first time we kissed I
went for it I guess go getter and you can feel the energy that person is you
really you yeah you could feel it too much anytime somebody asked me I said
what do you think about her that means somebody a bit trying to get with I'm
like if you ask me that question don't do it yeah you are you should be like
your heart of heart you don't kill what he feels about heart I love this person
that person is my wall that's it yeah yeah oh my god and some people can call
it well you don't listen to nobody well oh well since when attraction
needed to listen to nobody okay you know this is really you know so we're talking
confidence okay confidence is attractive it's just and it can be so attractive
and intimidating at the same time yeah but yet they wanna part of it yeah okay
see here but I don't know what to do to get him back you need to focus on
yourself to increase the chances of getting him back yes okay in to focus on
yourself you need to create a brand new relationship with God you need to find
your purpose and focus on your purpose and then and then get into
self-development read our book get my marriage back 10 to 15 times get your
confidence back if you get any back by manipulating him before that it's gonna
be temporary to break apart again okay I'm scared those changes in the
long run I only know how to improve myself no you don't okay this is a long
as email and somebody was focused on their own passion will not be writing
this kind of emails and I want to encourage you if you feel like you write
an email please write it so I can help you through it but I'm just saying
alright if you were focused on the right things already you wouldn't be so now
let's go focus on that alright now I don't want to discourage you but I want
to write that email you may need to hear us to boost that
confidence so you can go focus right I'm scared those changes in the long run
won't even matter to him if never it wasn't about him those seven years ago
before you get back together within those six years it wasn't about him it
became all about him in the marriage and they see what happens yeah it's not a
bomb it's about you becoming a hundred percent yeah and then if he's not a
hundred percent which clearly is not we don't know what's going on with him we
don't care right if it's not a hundred percent you don't need him to be 100%
your debt to give you come into a relationship to give period point-blank
but you can't give what you don't have no you can't and God put us all on this
earth for a reason this is what you have you're gonna find
it you just don't know what it is don't make it about him yeah you need to find
it your purpose is not him your purpose need to be higher than him yeah
my purpose is higher than her purpose is higher than mine
basically we cheat on our purpose to be with each other that's how the general I
put it there yeah well that's fats okay so we don't we have very little time for
bullshit bullshit okay so how long should you try to save your marriage
however long it takes to build yourself back up yeah be confident be your
purpose yeah and after that we will see if you still have that question how
about that chances are you not gonna have that
question anymore and then problem solved all right so get my marriage back on
that's what the book is it's a free pdf you can also get the paperback can do
audiobook and smash that like button if you got some really good stuff from here
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your comment below it can be as long as you want us what you want but we are
gonna address so you can help you get to where you need to be so you can save
your marriage fix your broken marriage
build a healthy relationship but more importantly is self sustainable all
right that's all we have for you hopefully being enlightened and educated
see you on the next one these
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