(upbeat music)
- Welcome to the Straight Truth Podcast,
I'm Josh Philpot, your host.
As always I'm joined by Richard Caldwell,
the pastor of Founder's Baptist Church.
Our guest today is Ken Ramey,
the pastor of Lakeside Bible Church.
Here's a good question that all parents think about.
How do I handle a rebellious teenager?
What do I do?
- Well it depends.
It depends on whether were talking about
a rebellious teenager who's a believer,
or a rebellious teenager who is an unbeliever.
- So let's start with believer then.
- Well a believer you appeal to them
with the truth of God's Word.
And you appeal to their new nature.
And if they're truly a believer,
then they have eternal life, they have a new nature,
the Spirit of God dwells in them,
at the end of the day they are gonna be receptive to truth.
And so you speak the truth to them in love.
And you don't just speak the truth to them though,
you've go to live the truth before them.
We want to get to the root of where the rebellion
is being motivated.
Rebellion in any of us is not excusable.
It's sin.
We're talking about rebellion, right?
So it's sin.
But I do think there are things that contribute to rebellion
that we need to be open to and honest about.
So if my discipline of my teenager is over the top,
if it's harsh, that can encourage rebellion.
If my discipline toward my teenager is negligent,
there aren't clear parameters
and there's not clear guidance there,
that can encourage rebellion.
If I'm trying to get them to do something
that I'm doing just the opposite of,
so I'm teaching them one thing and I'm living another thing,
that can contribute to their rebellion.
So I want to examine myself first
and make sure that I'm standing in the right place.
And then, if I can say with a clear conscious,
not that I'm a perfect parent, but I'm a consistent one,
and striving to do what's pleasing in the sight of God,
then I'm just going to appeal to them
with the truths of God's Word.
And try to obviously you talk to them, you listen to them,
you try to find out what's motivating this.
But if they're a believer, I appeal to them with Scripture.
- What about unbeliever?
I guess in a lot of cases, a parent might not even know
if their child is believing or not.
- [Richard] Right.
So if you have two believing parents,
strongly part of a church,
and trying to raise their children
according to what the Scriptures say,
but they have a teenager that is rebelling in the home
and rebelling against parents, well what do they do?
- I agree with what you said earlier, Richard,
that whenever parents are dealing with a rebellious child,
I think the very first thing that they should do
is examine their own lives.
And it's not so much about the rebellious teenager,
is it about our responsibility to be pleasing to the Lord.
And so Scripture says that
the only negative command in the New Testament to parents
is do not exasperate your children.
And so have I contributed in any way
potentially to their rebellion?
And if there is any sins that we see in our lives
we should seek the Lord's forgiveness,
we should seek our child's forgiveness.
But beyond that, I think the other thing that is
vital for us as parents to keep in mind
is God's sovereignty.
That you could raise your kids
in the nurture and admonition of the Lord,
but there's no guarantee that they're gonna embrace Christ.
And so often our goal as parents
is that our kids would become Christians.
And our kids would be faithful followers of Christ,
which should be every parent's desire,
ultimate desire for their kid.
However, that is not the ultimate goal.
And bottom line is we're not in control of that.
And so I think too often we hold onto that principle
in the book of Proverbs, you know,
if you train your child in the way he should go,
when he's old he'll not depart from it.
And so many times I hear that quoted by parents
whose kids have veered away from the Lord
or have never come to Christ and just rejected Christ.
Well that's not necessarily true
in the sense of that's more of a principle,
and it may be, in fact, a bad interpretation,
because in the Hebrew it could actually mean
train up your child in his way.
In other words, let his have his way all the time,
and when he's old he'll continue to want his way.
That could be a better interpretation of that verse.
And the point is this, ultimately our children are God's.
And I think we've created a culture in church today
that good kids are the result of good parents,
or godly parents equals godly kids.
And that's not a guarantee.
I personally know of a family who the father
was an unbeliever most of his sons' growing up years.
He was an alcoholic.
He even spent time in a psychiatric hospital.
And both of his sons have ended up in seminary
and are pastors.
- And so that's how you do it. (laughs)
- And so it just was a reminder to me that,
you know what, it ultimately is God's sovereign
over the hearts of our kids.
And so rather than,
I think it is good to do some self examination,
but once you've done that
and confessed and repented of any exasperating type sins,
don't beat yourself up.
Trust the Lord that he has your kid's heart
under his sovereign control.
- That's good Ken.
And so the answer I think
for the parent who has the unbelieving child,
is you evangelize them.
You preach the gospel to them.
And my preach I just mean you converse with them
about the gospel.
You continue to present Christ to them.
You continue to pray for them.
I think we underestimate
the prayer aspect of it sometimes too.
The most powerful thing you can engage in outside of
conversations abour Christ, is just pray for them.
Pray for them, and then look for opportunities.
As the Lord opens doors
for you to continue to pour into their lives.
Love them.
I think it's important for them to know
that your love for them is love for them.
Too often parents parent for their own glory.
They're more concerned about their reputation
than they are about their child's soul.
And I've told parents before,
it wouldn't be easy to live through,
okay I'm not gonna say it'd be easy,
but if my reputation was trashed
and all of my children eventually came to faith in Christ,
I would take that.
Over a sterling reputation
and one my children is in Hell one day.
I'm not sovereign.
I cannot save my children.
But I will work for their salvation
in the sense of preaching the gospel, praying for them,
trying to live good before them, and loving them.
And outside of that, I can't control the outcome.
So we look to the Lord.
- Well thanks for joining us for this episode of
the Straight Truth Podcast.
We hope you've enjoyed it.
And don't forget to like, subscribe, and share
this podcast on our YouTube channel.
Or if you would like the audio version of this podcast,
you can get that on the podcast app of your choice.
For more details about Straight Truth,
you can go to straightruth.net.
And there you can find details about our Facebook page,
and our Twitter page.
Remember that Straight Truth is a production of
Walking in Grace Ministries,
which is the preaching ministry of Pastor Richard Caldwell.
For more info, go to walkingingrace.org.
(upbeat music)





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